I Left The Stove On!

As you all know, I haven't been sleeping very well. It's to the point where I am either over it or too far gone to care. (Example: I can't believe no one laughed at "freedom" toast). I am catching up on my shows and getting my house organized so that's something.

Matt mentioned to me that maybe I should start exercising. He thinks I may not be doing enough during the day. Lack of activity could be a factor. I am certainly not as active as I once was. But I remember possibly being addicted to cough syrup because I had this problem my Senior year in high school.

One of the drawbacks to only sleeping a few hours a night is that you frequently wake up from a "really good dream" or a lame dream in which you were starting dinner and you woke up before you turned the stove off. That's what I dreamt last night.

A Moment Of Silence

I'm Back With My Ex-Girlfriend

A few really great things happened to me this year. One of them was my best friend from high school, Kim, and I got back in contact. We were always really close until life happened after high school and we lost touch. We'd email or call each other once every so often but that too faded. I really did miss her and would often think of her. I'd remember her ability to make up swear words ("fuck ass!") or her love for yellow roses. And Jennifer Aniston always reminded me of Kim, with her adorable nose and her laugh. They both have a great ass too.

The best thing about Kim is that she can always just pick up with me where we left off. I never feel awkward around her or feel like I can't tell her something. She'll always be one of my best friends. If you're another friend of mine, it's hard to compare to her.

We went out Tuesday. It was supposed to be a double date with her new boyfriend Michael but I brought along my kid to dinner. Matt and Michael are very similar so Kim and I spent most of the evening chatting and giggling and tasting each other's drinks while the boys sat quietly, wondering what in the hell they got themselves into. On top of that, Matt was not feeling well (sinus ailment), so he went home after dinner and a drink at the Fox & Hound. On the three of us went to Rack N Roll for some kareoke.

There are a lot of things Kim still is, but after 6 years with an asshole for a husband, (I'm hoping he reads this so I posted that kissing picture just for him) she's lost the confidence she once had about herself, her beauty and her abilities. One strong talent she has is singing, and for some reason she doesn't realize she has it. She only went up once to sing and that was with me. I told her I'd sing the melody which meant she had to sing about 95% of Leave The Pieces by the Wreckers by herself. She did wonderfully, of course and was hit on by many a drunkards. I told her she needs to start some daily affirmations.


One perfect example of Kim and I was when we both had to pee. There are only two stalls in the bathroom at Rack N Roll and thankfully they were both empty. No sooner did we both sit down, some poor girl who was beyond slurring her words kindly but forcefully let us know that we both had to hurry up. We came out at the same time, both our pants still unbuttoned and our worried faces mirroring each other. We both told her, "Go, I'm done." It isn't rare for us to say the same things or finish each other's sentences. Then the trashed girl with the full bladder asked what so many have asked before: "Are you two sisters?" We are definitely linked in some way. We always will be.

When Will It End?

I cannot believe this is my "vacation". I've had some shit or another to do every day. And it looks like it isn't ending yet. I am exhausted, hopped up on diet coke and candy canes, and have done three dark loads of laundry in the last two days because I keep running out of red tops. How much Christmas can one gal take?

Party number two was Jr's daughter, Kaitlyn. It was her 3rd birthday. This boy knows how to celebrate.



Britain of course has no problem coming up with a new outfit for every party. That santa dress is actually not the same one she wore to the very first Christmas party we were at a few weeks ago. Here she is with Matt's parents and brother Craig on Christmas Eve. It was here I told Craig he was co-best man at the wedding. Apparently, he hadn't been informed??








Here we are finally at home on Christmas morning. Brit was getting the hang of the present thing and after santa brought all of 5 1/2 gifts, she wasn't sure why she was left wanting more.





Here is her "Was I really that bad this year?" face.







This dress was two dollars at Kmart. That sounds like a lie but it's true.














You'll notice from the candy (and my expression) that this party was at my parent's. You might have even noticed Jr's head.








I'm not supposed to tell you that she played with that cell phone in the store which was the main reason we purchased it.

Tam and Jr are thinking "all I got was candy".

This post is all in good fun of course. It wasn't all bad. Matt, my sister Theresa and I hung out with Kris and Ray and saw Jenson at the new bar, The Boardwalk. I had a nice double date with my best friend Kim (next post). And HELLO!? Presents for me! I got all TWO seasons of Dead Like Me on DVD, The Little Mermaid, the new Monopoly, a cool travel crock pot, these neat socks that soften your feet with sea kelp as you wear them???, a potato peeler and some other stuff.

But probably my favorite present was Matt put our engagement on DVD for me to watch. It was Christmas eve, 2004! He had a camera man come with him to tape. There isn't audio and you only see Matt's back for most of it, but there are some great moments caught, like my smile. It's a smile I thought he was only seeing because he didn't tell me about the camera until after. And the "yes". I think I said it 4 or 5 times. And our cold frozen lips kissing under the gazebo downtown, all lit up. I've watched it a few too many times now and it still makes me tear up. Yes, that was my favorite present.

Cream Filled Twinkies

I was making cookies and cleaning my disgusting bathroom today because I was stuck inside without a car. My transmission finally just shifted it's last shift on Wednesday. And for only around $750, you can have a used one put in too! On top of that, it needs inspected. Matt won't let me take up hooking, so I don't know where in the hell I'm going to get the money.

It's so funny how bored I get just hanging out at home. Brit's fun most of the time and keeps me quite entertained. But unfortunately, she is just like me in the cabin fever department and by the end of the night, we were both climbing the walls. Thankfully, my sister Michelle and her gal pal, Lori came over and kept us company.

While looking through some of the cookbooks I have, (Shut up. Yes I have cookbooks.) we realized some of the recipe names could easily be found in the porn department at Videos R Us. Some are stretching it of course and only a dirty minded person would think so, but some! Some are outright raunchy.

Here are some of the MANY I noticed:

Dot's Ice Box Pickles
Carla's Corn Pudding
My Mom's Mouthwatering Meatballs
Corn Stuffing Balls
Mom's Munch Mix
Taco Dip
Taco Ring
Angel Biscuits
Mom's Braided Bread
Quick Rolls
Anita's Puffy Baked French Pancake
Maple Nut Treat
Sally's Awesome Overnight Applesauce- you can't make this shit up!
4 Layer Delight
Aunt Emily's Buttermilk Cookies
Blueberry Dump Cake
Bob's Banana Bread
Cream Puff Dessert
Gramma Mary's Apple Pie
Grandma's Heavenly Ho-Ho's
Mom's Donut Holes
My Mom's Chocolate Cake
Mondo Muffin
Raw Apple Cake
Three Sisters Pie
Dean's Sweet And Sour Beef
Gram's Gooey Corn
Nan's Zucchini Supreme
Big Banana Muffins
Hot Chipped Beef Dip
Hot Rueben Dip
Noel Nectar
Cherries In The Snow
Moist Apple Stuffing
Sour Cream Muffins

So, you're either hungry or turned on? Unless you're Ray. Then you're both.

I Miss Kris

Inside Family Jokes

We had our annual "sibling party" over the weekend. It was at my brother Jr's house. Everything turned out alright including my homeade macaroni and cheese with tomato (yum) but for some odd reason, I haven't felt very in the spirit. Maybe I just don't think Christmas is what it used to be. Maybe I still remember my Papa's passing so vividly. But this year, I just can't wait for it to be over.

I realize, most of this poem you all might not get. But it may be funny for some.


Twas the week before Christmas
And all through the fam
Underlying issues were present
Including, of course, Tam's










The stockings were hung
To avert from the quibbling
But what's a sibling party
Without EVERY sibling?






MaMa (and her stained shirt)
And Pa were quite distant
But it surprised not a one
'Cause it happens each Christmas










The children were either crying
Or guessing Aunt's names
'Cause, it's rare we see each other
Though the same blood's through our veins










After setting the timer
I flew like a dash
To pose for the camera
Before the damn flash







The heat from the people
Filling the room at Jr's place
Gave a luster of dampness
To Tam's sweaty face






When what to my wandering eyes should permit
But a miniature Brit in a cheesy santa outfit











With a son and a father
who used to fight constant
talking hunting and fishing
though there's still some resentment






Now Theresa, Now Michael
Now Stephen, Now Tam
Let's all pool together
For a mortgage payment plan










A wink of his eye
And a twist of his head
Still I couldn't forget
All the mean things we've said










And I heard Jr exclaim
as I drove out of sight
"Merry Christmas, Bitch!"
And it felt just alright.

Freedom Toast

I realize I haven't been cooking for very long, and maybe this isn't as rare as I think, but while making Freedom toast this morning I cracked open an egg with two yolks...one clear, one round and deep yellow as if it were hard boiled. I should have taken a picture, but I was hungry. Has anything like that happened to you?

Lost American Brother

I didn't catch it yet, but I've recorded The Lost Room which aired on Sci Fi this week. Anyone else see it? Matt said it was awesome and already talking about buying the DVD. If you missed it, Sci Fi is airing the entire 6 hour series this Sunday.

I am also getting super excited about American Idol! It won't be long that we'll be making fun of some new "talents". "Dreadful. 'Orrible. That was preposterous."

And let's not forget a new Big Brother! Have you applied yet?

Hey! Here Comes The Bandwagon...Jump On!

Alright. So I thought I'd school you all in how to create a real "how well you know me" quiz. I am counting on much higher scores than a few of those OTHER quizzes.

I don't know how to post the leaderboard because I never went to college, so you can view the results HERE under my slideshow.

UPDATE: My test was screwing some people over whether it was an error on my part or the computer's. Sorry. Please retake if you have the energy.

All His Co-Workers Were Doing It

Well, it wasn't the most eloquent evening Saturday. Matt and I had plans to attend his office party around 5 and then off to the annual Barber Ball afterwards. Things didn't exactly go as planned.

There's been a few pounds I've put on since Halloween, so the ballgown skirt I had planned on wearing that evening wasn't exactly fitting the way it used to. I decided to go with a very light lunch (skipping breakfast) and drink bottle after bottle of water. The party for Matt's office wasn't exactly formal so I threw on black pants and decided they looked so great, I'd just screw the skirt. I figured I'd just eat at the party. I have a problem if I don't eat and then I drink a lot. It catches up to me quickly.

And the food wasn't exactly to my liking so I barely ate.
And the 6 shots with his co-workers and 5 rum and diet cokes at the open bar DID seem to catch up.
And all of the sudden I'm in the restroom, heels sticking out from under the door, wretching...and wretching...and feeling like I was constantly falling.
And we had to skip the Barber Ball.
And I was passed out with my top still on before midnight.
And I don't remember a lot after throwing up.
So Matt filled me in on some things. One of them was a secret I let slip.

I made a drunken confession to Matt while I was home, trying to get everything out. I don't even remember telling him. But he told me this morning what was said. It's something he didn't know. It's something I wasn't going to reveal but I was drunk and sometimes that truth serum really fucks with you. I was crying, hugging the toilet, trying to empty all the "cherry drops" and "rum and diets" from my system. I let it all out. Even though it upset me, I thought he had a right to know.

(Tam, crying) "I have to tell you something. But, I'm not supposed to tell you."
(Matt) "Okay?!?"
(Tam) "I shouldn't tell you this."
(Matt) "Tell me what?"
(Tam) "But you're going to find out anyway."
(Matt) "Okay, just tell me."
(Tam) "It's Claire."
(Matt) "Who's Claire?"
(Tam) "She's the cheerleader."
(Matt) "So? She's a cheerleader. I still don't know who she is. And what does she have to do with anything?"
(Tam) "She has powers. They all do. Heroes."
(Matt) "The friggin TV show? You're unbelievable!"

So, now he knows.

Ramblings Of An Insomniac

I had a very full weekend in Cleveland, and sleep was an issue. When you combat that with Matt working third shift this week, I am no where near caught up and obviously very co-dependant. So, I have been spending time at night trying to watch all my recorded shows on my DVR and typing away on the computer.

MySpace is a little daunting for me. I really have no handle on it and barely can post a quiz result. But it amazes me as well. I can't believe how many people I found from my high school...people I went to school with, younger and older, and how they seem to change but stay the same. It's like fast forwarding 10 years of your life in one short click. Some you wouldn't recognize if you didn't have a name to go with the profile pic. Some look exactly the same. Some assholes are still assholes. And some, you can tell, are just as sweet as they used to be, if not sweeter. Some come out to you with one click. Some are still hiding behind the curtain. Some you didn't think would ever have sex now have 6 kids! Some, who were in your child development class, now say they'll never have kids. Some you wish you didn't find. Some, you forget how much you missed. Some you wish you knew better. Some you wish you'd found but they haven't signed up yet.

Then I wonder: Is it strange I'm seeking these people out? Do they even recall who I am? I can't count how many times someone has come up to me, whether it was from high school or another period in my life, and I have NO idea who the hell they are. Some of these people that "know me so well" even spout off my sibling's names, the street I grew up on, or my dog's name when I was 10 years old. It still amazes me how I could forget not only the names of these people, but how I even know them...how I do NOT know them. Am I that person to someone else?

Oh hell. I need sleep.

Agree To Agree

So are we to disagree with Gwyneth? Really? When we have mothers using their children as weapons in domestic disputes and Larry The Cable Guy? Are we really that civilized? I think it's clear as day. But maybe that's just me. Then again, I do wish I wasn't.

I get really pissed off at patriotic assholes that wave their car flags around everywhere they drive (George Washington would have a shit fit) and write BIN LADEN IS AN ASSHOLE on their airbrushed trucks, but really have no clue why they are being patriotic...just that it's the right thing to do. Although, I'm a walking contridiction because I can't say I have all the information either.

It seems everyone just flies off the handle anytime anyone has an "unpatriotic" opinion (the Dixie Chicks VS Texas incident). I realize I'm going to get flack for this, and that's fine. I'm used to it. I realize I live in a free country and bitch about living here. But I think it's horrible that in a so-called free country where we have freedom of speech, we can't utter one damn word when we don't like something about it. Oh, and her.

DO's And DON'T's

Christie,

I'm sorry I can't make it to your baby shower. We have an annual event with Matt's family that we never miss. I'll probably be hugging my toilet bowl as you hug your new crib. Don't be jealous.

I thought I would give you some DO's and DON'T's from one mother to another. I'm sure you haven't had ANY advice given to you as of yet, so I thought I'd help you out.

DO rest as much as possible the last month. You don't sleep in the hospital. Get the hell out of there as soon as you can so you can get some real rest.

DON'T wait to pack your hospital bag. Even though it was my first child, I went into labor with three full weeks to go. Also, make sure you have your pediatrician or you'll be stuck with the dr. on staff.

DO ask for drugs if you want them in labor. What the hell are you trying ot prove? Just lie and say you didn't if you feel guilty.

DON'T throw away your gift bags. As soon as you have your baby, six other people you know will get pregnant. I hope one of them isn't you.

DO steal as much shit from the hospital as you can. And that includes items for yourself (as in those throw away panties and the monsoon pads).

DON'T take any shit from the bitchy nurse(s).

DO realize not many people will give you the attention you were used to when you're out without the baby. You might even miss all those smiles and complete strangers touching your belly. When with baby, you may even feel invisible.

DON'T leave home without knowing the stats of the baby. Everyone wants to know the age, weight and why you picked the name you did. Make sure Tom knows too. Or, you can just look like an unfit mother. Your choice.

DO cry if you want. If you see a Hallmark commercial that chokes you up or a dead bug whose life was cut short, get it out. Get it all out.

DON'T take anything anyone says about your figure to heart. Matt screwed up and said "Eww" about my stomach the week after. I realize now that it WAS kind of gross, but it feels normal now. And stay away from the damn scale for awhile!

DO take your time pooping for the first time after. It's one scary incident, but it all comes out fine in the end.

DON'T worry about waiting the six weeks to have sex. You'll know when you're ready. Of course some people are STILL not having sex 30 years after delivering.

DO realize that everything is not your fault. I will never forget how guilty I felt when Britain wasn't nursing and she lost a whole pound her first week, ending up in the hospital with jaundice.

DON'T waste your money on baby detergent. The only difference between All "Baby" and All "Free And Clear" is the price (and the powder scent.)

DO all your laundry together. It's so much easier to keep up and far less stressful. (Get one of those sock bags too, for little ones.)

DON'T believe everything the grandmothers tell you. They grew up in a different era.

DO keep emergency diapers in both your cars, as well as wipes, an extra outfit and socks. You'll see. Oh, you'll see.

DON'T worry about sterilizing everything. Buy a nipple basket and throw everything in the dishwasher. Also, if you're not nursing, you don't have to buy bottled water. Just boil water the night before and keep a jug on the counter at room temperature.

DO keep a changing area downstairs (if you have more than one floor) as well as up...even if it's a blanket, some wipes and some diapers.

DON'T worry if you run out of baby cereal. Cream of Wheat works just as well.

DO keep an extra outfit at the granmothers' houses...if they haven't bought her a separate wardrobe already.

DON'T leave home without the diaper bag. Even if you're going to the store for milk. That's when she'll shit. Leave it in the car if you don't want to lug it in.

DO keep a little blanket or changing pad in your diaper bag. I can't even tell you how many odd places I've changed her, including a scary ass bathroom with a wet cement floor at a playground.

DON'T be afraid of trying your OWN method of doing things. Just keep telling yourself "I'm the mother".

These are just some of the ones off the top of my head. I didn't have stitches and couldn't breastfeed so good luck with that. But, if you ever need any other advice, I'd love to help in any way I can. Call anytime. I would never claim to be the perfect mother. That's why, I think, I am a good one.

You'll resent her. You'll be disappointed in one way or another. But you'll feel like you could gut the nurse like a fish the first time they give her the heel test. You will never love anything more than your own child.

BEST OF LUCK!

Love, Tam

Fake Baby

This kid is the child I would picture having if I would have had a baby with my first husband. It's kind of eerie.

30!

Stop crying, please. You are beautiful. Have a wonderful birthday.

Reason #232

Another reason why I should be Mother Of The Year: Britain has another ear infection and I took her in yesterday so I could get it taken care of before I desert my family this weekend to hang out with Kristen for her 30th. Seriously, it's no contest. Oh, and I refused to put a heavy jacket on her yesterday when my car read the outside air as 72!