Nobody Puts Tammy In A Corner

I wouldn't say I'm a pushover. But then again, I can't really say I'm opinionated either. I guess because I believe people should be how they want to be. I was raised never to judge someone for being different, but to actually embrace the fact that there are differences between myself and someone else.

This brings us to vice number 4: backing down from things that really mean something to me. When someone comes at me with their opinions, I don't exactly know how to respond. Do I respect the fact that they have their opinion? Of course. But they are then pushing their opinion on me, which should be a red flag, and I seem to start understanding where they are coming from and feel like I could possibly relate. Do understand, these are opinions like "I love Debbie Gibson and you should too" and not "Shave your head and wear this sheet".

The real question is, besides extreme opinions, where do I draw the line? When it may compromise my own personal beliefs and morals I guess.

HAHAHAHA: morals.

Censored

I can't say I've stuck to this one but I'm working at it. My third vice, one that's bothered me recently, is swearing, even in writing. I'm trying to give it up completely and for a gal that swears this much, it's pretty flipping impossible. Yes, I've slipped up. Last night, I was getting into bed and dropped the baby monitor. "F*&k!" But Junior year I gave up swearing almost the entire year, so why not at this point in my life when I have even more discipline? Even the words that don't really constitute swearing in my book like J#sus Chr!st or D*mnit have been out of my vocabulary (usually). It's actually helped my anger. And with Britain repeating everything I say these days, I thought it would be a good idea. But my swearing vice, one of the hardest, is still a work in progress. And this probably won't be one of the ones I stick with after the 30 days.

But, I feel like I have to add this little disclaimer. Because I choose to do (or not to do) something has no bearing on whether you are doing (or not doing) something. I could care less if you want to trash your kitchen or enable your coke head brother. That is out of my hands. And I certainly don't want a fight on here about why swearing is fine and children hear it anyway and so forth. I personally would prefer you not swear around my child, but am I going to get angry if you do? Um, probably not since it's your choice really and I can't shield her from everything, nor would I want to. But I can try and create a different environment and pattern from when I was growing up. I promise not to go as far as putting curtains on her for clothes and sing on mountains.

Vote Brit, Or Not

I thought it might be cute if I could get something on the same show Leah Remini stars in and since King Of Queens wouldn't hire me as a writer, this is my only shot. So vote HERE. Or just get a gypsy curse put on you like all the writers on The King Of Queens that are out of a job since the show has been suddenly cancelled.

Is That A Scarf Or Cat Hair?

I got up today, had some whole wheat toast and started cleaning. My second vice is TRYING TO DO THINGS OUTSIDE THE HOUSE WHEN MY KITCHEN FLOOR LOOKS LIKE THAT. I am not sure how many times I've washed my kitchen in the last six months, but it's probable I could count them on one hand. It's not only my kitchen. My whole house has suffered since Britain's been born. I can't even say I don't have the time because, but for 3 months during the summer, I only work part time. There is really no excuse for a pile of cat hair higher than the cats themselves. I think I've just gotten lazy about a lot of things, housework being only one of them.

You Can't Change Anyone But Yourself

I thought I start out my vice challenge with a family member. Although it's not one of the biggest vices on my list, it's still damaging and quite stressful at times. So vice number 1: ENABLING A CERTAIN FAMILY MEMBER AND HER ISSUES. This family member is famous for calling you up, complaining that so and so didn't take her grocery shopping and she has no food to eat. Then when you turn around and offer to take her either food or to get food, she'll act like that's the last thing in the world she needs. "No, no. I can't ask you to do that. You would have to take the baby out. You need to be to work. Enter another excuse here." So I play in to it, almost every time. I argue with her why it wouldn't be any trouble. I tell her I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to do it. I let her tell me no about a dozen times until finally she says yes.

This is tiresome. This is old. I refuse to put up such a silly fight anymore.

Another issue she has is gossip monger. She'll tell me anything and everything about my family members just so she can pull some dirt out of me about other family members. Well, I'm not biting. Not only am I great at keeping secrets, but she's the last person I would tell anything secretive to. She'll get on the phone as soon as I leave and tell Gertie, Mildred, Evelyn and LuAnne every detail I've said, including elaborations. And of course, she's famous for saying, "and that person you are upset with? Well, that's between you and me."

And connected with that last issue, one final issue that I am more than exhausted about: said family member will start fights and cause drama just for kicks. She will let me know exactly what another family member said about me, especially if it's negative.

But because she elaborates, because she treats us like her own personal lab rats, and because I am too old and smart to be playing into all of this, I am done. Starting today and hopefully the rest of my life, I am done. I realize this is her issue, not mine. And I refuse to enable anymore.

Ahh, that felt pretty good.

Hi My Name Is Tammy...

Alright. Today is it...my last day of freedom. I changed my 30 Vices In 30 Days starting date to tomorrow. A) because today I have been writing 30 Posts For 30 days, so that's over and B) because exactly 31 days from tomorrow is my birthday and I'm not being punished on my birthday. I know, it's not really punishment to give up things that are unhealthy for you. It will ulitimately make me stronger, wiser and probably richer.

Maybe one of the scariest things is that I have changed the original rules. I am going to stop doing 30 things starting tomorrow instead of just adding a new one every day. Some of these things are going to be really REALLY hard, but I know I can do it (or stop doing it...whatev).

After the 30 days are up, I hope I don't return to all my old ways but I realize it will be hard to change everything all at once, forever. As long as I'm conciously working on the things that harm me (whether emotionally or physically) I'll be fine.

The first step is admitting you shouldn't be eating 10 Peeps in 1 morning.

Stupid Second Shift

If Matt were here, my couch wouldn't be nearly that huge.

If Matt were here, I would have had help in picking out his deodorant. Gel or solid? Glacier Freeze or Aqua Blast? And he probably would have paid for everything instead of me forking over $85, and all I went in there for, besides deodorant, was toothpaste and allergy medicine.

If Matt were here, I wouldn't have had to get the groceries out of the car in the crazy April snowstorm because he usually has every bag in before I can even get Britain's coat off.

If Matt were here, I could text someone on HIS phone since my phone is all cracked to hell to the point where I don't even know who called me.

If Matt were here, we would have watched Clive Barker's The Plague together because we are the only ones we know who like those cheesy Sci Fi "Atomic Twister" type movies...so much that we put ATOMIC in front of any Sci Fi movie. Try it. Atomic Ants. Atomic Radar Men From The Moon. Atomic Attack Of The Giant Leeches. See.

If Matt were here, I'd have someone to make a sundae for.

If Matt were here, I'd be in my pajamas by now all sleepy and cuddled and wrapped in his arms because he doesn't like all these lights on and prefers to watch sport highlights which bores me yet comforts me at the same time.

If Matt were here, I wouldn't have to get my own ibuprofen and water.

If Matt were here, he'd make me laugh and not because his joke was necessarily funny, but because he tried to make a funny joke.

And by Matt, I mean the guy I'm going to spend the rest of my life with because I've never felt anything like I feel when he's around.

Was She Wearing Clean Underwear?

Since it's Friday the 13th and all, I thought I'd write a little bit about my morbidity. No matter if I'm going down the basement steps to do laundry or driving on the highway or eating really dry chicken, I always question if this is how I'm going to die. How would they find me? Would Britain be in a safe place until they found me? Would Matt cry? What would the paramedics think of my hairy legs?

I guess you could say I've been near death before. I've been in too many car accidents to count. I used to do really stupid things growing up. There was a super high, super long bridge by my house and I would cross underneath it by walking on only a thin, metal scaffolding. I would do this on a weekly basis for thrills. We used to sled ride in the woods, at night, dodging trees when we'd get to them. Some guy in a truck chased me down my deserted road one night until I dove into a bunch of weeds and hid out. So, yeah. I could have died. We all could have if we really think about it.

But for some reason, I'm ALWAYS thinking of ways I could bite it. Perhaps my car would start swerving uncontrollably on black ice and I'd hit the guardrail. I'd walk out to my car after the mall closed and some guy would rob and shoot me, not knowing all I have in my purse is an Eat N Park gift card for 10 smiley bucks and some Chuck E. Cheese coupons. My car breaks down on the highway and some idiot plows into me with their car when I get out for help.

Sometimes I just think of ways I could injure myself. I'd be stuck in a wheelchair after breaking my back. I'd trip on the way into the house and really screw up my face and jaw on the cement steps. I'd step on a knife while hunting for Easter eggs in a crime scene. One of the electric heaters we have in our house catches fire and burns 55% of my body.

You know, the normal stuff people think about.

Gandolph The Gray

So apparently there is a product I've been waiting awhile for now. I'm not talking about Gal Pal, although that's probably just as useful and helpful. I'm talking about OOPS, the hair color remover for when Autumn Sunrise comes out looking like Fire Breathing Dragon. They say you can use this stuff after you've screwed up your hair and color again the SAME DAY! One time, in 10th grade, I came to school with gray hair because I thought "ash blonde" was going to be just a dark blond on my already really light blonde hair. I looked like Minnie Pearl. After freaking out, I called the Clairol Color Experts and they told me I had to wait two to three days before I could dye it again. I was mortified like any other 16 year old would be. What a shitty rule! Come to think of it though, the best color I ever came out with was because I colored twice in one day: a semi-permanent red and then a light blonde to brighten it up. And my hair was just fine, so I don't usually follow the "never color twice in one day" rule if it's really bad.

As Cold As Vice

Alright. That's it! I've had it with this Easter vacation, too much time on my hands thing. I am going to be making quite a few changes in my next batch of "30 in 30". I am going to take 30 of my biggest vices and stop doing them! Starting April 17, I will be listing each vice, one by one, every day and explaining why they are a vice and what I'm going to do to change. That way, by the end of 30 days, I will be doing 30 less things that are harmful or idiotic to myself! I'm tired of most of them and some of them are just too horrible for me or my body and I shouldn't be doing them anyway. I listed 30 today right off the top of my head but I was wondering if I could get some feedback from you. Anonymous is fine if you like but please no name calling.

What do I do that I should really stop doing?