Cut And Paste

This is from a very jaded Valentine's Day many miles ago. I met Matt 9 months later.

FEBRUARY 14, 2003

I'M THAT GIRL THAT EVERYONE WANTS TO BRING HOME TO THEIR MOTHERS BUT AT THE SAME TIME THE GIRL THEY DON'T WANT TO HAVE HANG AROUND FOR TOO LONG. NORMAL IS BORING AND I AM TOO NORMAL FOR ANYONE'S TASTE. ALTHOUGH I'M ONE OF THE BABIES OF MY FAMILY, I NEVER REALLY WAS ONE. IT SEEMS I DO THE RIGHT THING EVERY TIME. EVEN IF I DO SOMETHING MODERATELY WRONG, I'VE THOUGHT IT THROUGH. AND I GET LETTERS FROM GUYS WHO'VE FELT SOMETHING FOR ME THAT USUALLY READS LIKE THIS: "YOU ARE A GREAT GIRL; YOU WERE PERFECT FOR ME; I JUST DON'T DESERVE YOU; I JUST NEED TO GROW UP; I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I HAD UNTIL I LOST YOU; I'M JUST FUCKED UP" SO I ATTRACT THESE IMMATURE, UNFOCUSED AND OBLIVIOUS GUYS WHO DON'T EVER APPRECIATE OR NOTICE ME AND WHAT I HAVE TO OFFER. HOW CAN I STOP THIS PATTERN WHEN I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO ESTABLISHED AND STRUCTURED MEN? THIS IS THE MYSTERY. THIS IS WHAT I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER FIGURE OUT. AND THIS MIGHT BE THE REASON I'LL END UP WANDERING TILL I'M VERY OLD AND GREY…WANDERING FOR THAT GUY WHO WILL SEND ME A SURPRISE CARD OR MAKE ME A CD OF SONGS THAT MEAN SOMETHING TO BOTH OF US. SOMEONE WHO'LL LEAVE AN "I LOVE YOU BECAUSE..." NOTE ON MY WINDSHIELD OR TELL ME I'M BEAUTIFUL WHEN I'M HANGING OUT IN WORKOUT PANTS AND MY HAIR'S EVERYWHERE. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A GUY WHO WOULD/COULD LIFT ME UP WHEN I NEEDED IT, WITHOUT ME HAVING TO ASK FIRST. I WANT A GUY WHO WRITES MORE EMAILS TO ME THAN I WRITE TO HIM. I NEED A MAN WHO WANTS TO TAKE ME OUT TO DINNER BECAUSE I DESERVE A NIGHT OUT, AND I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO TELL HIM WHERE OR WHEN. THE MOST ATTRACTIVE THING ABOUT MY IDEAL MAN IS HIS WIT AND THE ABILITY TO MAKE ME LAUGH. I HAVE FOUND THESE THINGS IN A COLLECTION OF MEN, BUT NEVER IN JUST ONE MAN. I'M BEGINNING TO REALIZE I MIGHT NEVER FIND HIM. AND I'VE DONE THE "CHANGE FOR HIM" THING. I'VE DONE THE "SETTLE" THING. AND I'VE DONE THE "TAKE ME AS I AM" THING. NOTHING HAS SEEMED TO WORK OR EVEN GONE WELL. BUT MAYBE I'M NAIVE IN THINKING IT SHOULD BE SO EASY, SO NORMAL. AFTERALL, NORMAL IS BORING.

Vote C.J.

Vote for THIS guy at www.aecomedy.com 'cause he's funny and deserves to get out of his parent's basement. Voting starts Feb 23 for the Region 2 category.

In Box: Full

Well, who's going home on American Idol? I think Sundance shouldn't have even got in and half the girls (all the white ones) should pack now. Chris Sligh and Lakisha Jones are my picks for the end. How's 'bout you?

TEXTED 'TILL MY FINGERS BLED:

TAM
3 problems: the shirt, the trying to sing like a drag queen and the dance-pop-lock shit at the beginning. (Can't remember who I was talking about...the third chick? The one with the sequin lightning bolts on her shirt)
TAM
She's too white for RICE. Bitch could NOT dance

TAM
That's my Grease outfit! (talking about Haley Scarnato, It's All Coming Back To Me Now)
TAM
How much do you want to bet that mole moves next week?

KRISTEN
Didn't we already see her? She looks like the chick in black and white (I think? talking about Amy Krebs, I Can't Make You Love Me)
TAM
She looks like a chick on a Herpes commercial. Most of these girls are putting me to sleep.
KRISTEN
I like the mom. (talking about Lakisha Jones, And I'm Telling You, I'm Not Going)
TAM
Me too! And the background singer who's eyes disappear when she smiles. (talking about Lakisha Jones, And I'm Telling You, I'm Not Going and Melinda Doolittle, Since You've Been Gone)
KRISTEN
She looks like a cartoon character. (talking about Melinda Doolittle, Since You've Been Gone)
KRISTEN
She DOES look like a Muncheechee, Ray!

TAM

She even SOUNDS like a cartoon- Melinda Doolittle, Mouse Detective

TAM
Her voice is awesome but she's overplaying it. I love how she picks out that one person and nods. "Sup?"

KRISTEN
You don't have the Glade Light Show, do you?
TAM
No, and I didn't price it today at Walmart either.
KRISTEN
Don't do it!

TAM
She's not wearing her lucky arm band (talking about Alaina Alexander, Brass In Pocket)
KRISTEN
Ahh to have upper arms you could fit an armband around. *Sigh* I'd have to use a tube sock for husky men.

TAM
Why is she singing this like a Mariah Carey ballad? (talking about Alaina Alexander, Brass In Pocket)

TAM
I hate her most of all. Stop telling us what a loser you've been. (talking about Gina Glocksen, All By Myself)
KRISTEN
There is something about her I don't like. But her voice is good.
TAM
Ha ha. I think her mother just realized how shitty she looks with that ketchup in her hair. (talking about Gina Glocksen's mother when she started to tear up.)

KRISTEN
And her eyebrows looked good. (talking about ?)
TAM
And her left front tooth wasn't too crooked.
KRISTEN
Did I send you the eyebrow text? I meant to send that to Jamie.

TAM
That dress is gorgeous! (talking about Lakisha Jones, And I'm Telling You, I'm Not Going)
KRISTEN
I'm so glad she got rid of the combover.
KRISTEN
She was amazing. So much better than Mandisa.
KRISTEN
Fuck it. I'm gonna cry now.
KRISTEN
I want to watch a Melinda/Lakisha showdown this season

TAM
Ok, I missed the beginning. Was that 2nd chick wearing CAMO? (talking about the second chick.)
KRISTEN
That's the chick that looked like the one that sang later on. Whatev. We won't see them for long. Ray asked if you could just call and vote "all the black girls".
TAM
All the other ones are too white for AI
KRISTEN
And for Randy

So Not New News

UPDATE: Word from Boston, where Ellen airs at 9am, is that Britain was NOT in the episode. The good news is, they didn't have ANY web videos. So possibly she'll be on at a later date. I've called the original intern that contacted me and asked if she had any inkling when Britain would actually be on. I'll let you know as soon as I do. And I feel like an ass.

Just to let the last person on earth know, Britain's video will be on The Ellen DeGeneres Show February 21st. She will be featured in the "Wonnerful Web Videos" segment. If you miss it, Matt is making copyrighted DVD's.

You can download it and watch it here since Blogger (A #1, as always) won't let me link it any other way.
http://www.mediafire.com/?aegkjttumzz

I Just Want Some Toilet Paper

When I am out in public, I ignore everyone. I'm not sure why this is. I look straight ahead while walking in the mall and you can yell and wave and pop balloons in my face but I don't seem to notice. I've been called on my phone more than a few times because I wasn't paying attention to any other drivers on the road (besides 4 ways and the like). Someone I knew drove past me or was driving behind me, honking and waving and wondering why I was such a bitch, ignoring them.

This happens all the time, especially in stores and restaurants. For some reason, I just refuse to believe I'll bump into anyone I know. My co-workers are all under the age of 11, my life consists of traveling two and from only two homes and a grocery store and I just don't see/know/converse with many people. I'll have people come up to me at my table in a diner with all of 6 booths and wonder why I hadn't noticed them sitting there for the length of my entire meal.

So, yesterday things were strange. I'm not sure if I made more eye contact yesterday or if I was hopped up on a coffee/chai mix, but it felt like everyone was looking at me. I couldn't tell if they were "what the fuck is wrong with your hair?" kind of looks or "Don't I know you?" kind of looks but there seemed to be a lot of people making eye contact with me whenever I looked up. I was wearing something just alright. I wasn't being loud and I didn't have a big box of Depends in my cart. But it just seemed as if people were noticing, even staring at, me. I even went into the bathroom at Target to see if I had something on my face. Have you ever had this feeling?

I don't know if I could be famous like Tom Cruise or Kristen, Blog Celebrity. It was such an unsettling thing. I don't like to be stared at. It's one of my pet peeves. If I was 15 years younger, I would have retaliated with the very eloquent "STARE, STARE STARE". Maybe this is why I choose to look straight ahead or focus on just what I need to focus on. Maybe it's easier to ignore the curious, the nosey, the perverted.

I'll get up on the karaoke stage as many times as I can, but stop looking at me when I'm picking out toilet paper!

Pan-Batos

Leave it to the Erie Blogger group to pick the only night every six months that Panos shuts down for cleaning. It was really nice of Panos though, to let us leave a sign up that we'd be over at Barbatos accross the street. And thanks to Jen for thinking of such signage! Here she is all happy she'll be in the paper. Kara and Erika from The Erie Times News in the background.
Here is the reason Rachel is now known as the Pizza Nazi.
We kind of just made a long L shaped table area for our Erie Blogger meetup. Honestly, we might have been a tad rude in just taking over the place like that, but they seemed alright with it. Many apologies if that's how we came off because I think we actually are a few of the nicest people in Erie.

Hey look! It's the Media King. I never got to meet you formally Jack, but you seemed really interesting. And I like your scarf.

We really do have a great group.



It started out a crazy evening but after we were all situated, I think we gave a really nice interview to the Erie Times News. Thank you Kara and Erika for taking the time to get to know a bunch of bloggers. I believe the interview will run around the 24th of February. Thanks to everyone for coming out! A special thanks to ron for light hearted conversation and schooling me on custody battles and places for Matt and I to make out in Harborcreek.

Secret Thoughts Of A Wandering Mind

HERE we go AGAIN


"I guess the scariest part is that I keep forgiving you."

"A sign? How is this a sign that you're supposed to be with him? Because you found out he knocked you up three weeks after he told you he didn't want you anymore? Not only is he in denial about being your unborn baby's father but he wants it in writing from the doctor that you're pregnant, like you made the whole thing up! On top of all that, now he's sleeping with his new girlfriend (WHO ISN'T NEW...WAKE UP!) under the same roof you're sleeping. What sign is it except that you need to move out...and move on?"

"I don't feel like I'm ready just yet. I'm scared as hell. And when you doubt me like that, it makes me even more apprehensive. What if I fail? What if I hate it? What if you're right?"

"Everytime I look, you're on the fucking table or puking somewhere else! Sometimes I wish you would die so I don't have to put you down myself."

"I think there are so many things we haven't said to each other. I think if we shared how we really felt, it would be disasterous to our relationship. So we just keep making small talk and avoiding the issues and continue the denial that you wish I wasn't as happy as I am."

"How the fuck can you be so awesome and your mother is the only person I've ever considered murdering?"

"Why don't they see what I see in you? To me, it is so transparent how sweet and empathetic you are. But maybe I like that it's our secret. Maybe I feel like I have more of you than most. And I'm not yet ready to give up those pieces of you."

"When you're around, it's so hard to bite my tongue. And I just want to rip your's out."