Christmas For Dentists

I'm so excited the Indian Summer (that is probably not exactly appropriate in this day and age) decided to arrive around Halloween...and that I get all Brit's candy.

<------Catherine, trying out for the part of Reagan in The Exorcist.

--->Cate, as a little person. I swear that thing is only 8 inches high.









This year Britain has TWO costumes. She was a flower for Zoo Boo and she'll be a ladybug for tonight's trick or treating. I'm thinking she may prefer the bug costume:

She has pretty pants, though.

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

For That Busted Ass Relationship

Scratch by Kendall Payne

it's a big girl world now
full of big girl things
and everyday i wish i was small
i've been counting on nothing
but he keeps giving me his word
and i'm tired of hearing myself speak
do you get weary? do you ever get weak?
how do you dream when you can't fall asleep?

i've been wondering what you're thinking
and if you like my dress tonight
would you still say you love me under this ordinary moonlight?
i'm so afraid of what you'd say

i'd like to know if you'd be open to starting over from scratch
i'd like to know if you'd be open to giving me a second chance

i used to think i was special
and only i have proved me wrong
i thought i could change the world with a song
but i have ended up in india
with no map to guide me home
strangest place i think i've ever been
and all this time i thought that we were friends
my stubborn will is learning to bend

i'd like to know if you'd be open to starting over from scratch
i'd like to know if you'd be open to giving me a second chance

it's a big girl world now
full of big girl things
and everyday i wish i was small

HEAR IT HERE

Sorry Carmen

Well, at my gyno visit this morning, it took longer to check out than the actual appointment. It was a three second peek at my hoo hoo and all was/is well. No baby. No problems with the IUD, and my "strangeness" is just because I am half male, with male hormones running through me. (Guys don't have a monthly and neither do I...AKA Mirena worked a little faster on me than most women in that department.) SO! I was worried for nothing. And I totally can go to prom now!

So it looks like you won't be getting that black market baby afterall, Carmen. I'll be pregnancy free for at least 5 years! Just another reason for Britain to hate me. "You never gave me a brother or sister." Maybe I'll just blame Matt.

Woes And Whoa!!!s And Waynesburg

I have a paper cut. Some may think it to be small and insignificant. But every time I wash my hands, cut onions...hell, every time the wind blows, I'm reminded. And those damn things take forever to heal.

On a lighter note, I have that 15 year old fear that I'm pregnant again. I had Mirena put in about a month ago and things seem strange. I, of course, believe I'm that 1 out of 100 women who get pregnant while using an IUD. I find out tomorrow on my follow up visit to the gyno.

Hey look, a picture of Brit and I:And my other 5 children: from left bottom: Jane, 8, Emily, 9, Payton, 10, From left, top: Catherine, 6, Julia, 6.
And last weekend, we went to watch Matt's brother, "uncle Brad" play college football at Waynesburg.

Tailgating with "Mimi"Uncle Brad and Britain.Brit, obviously.

3000 Miles To Portland

It's not everyday you post a video of you and your ex, but today is the day. Before I met Matt, I had a brief internet love: Paul. He and I met on Sims Online. Oh, the loneliness I felt after my D-I-V, you know. And he filled a lot of voids (NO, not that one.) He was really sarcastic...really intelligent and I traveled 3000 miles four times in one year just to hang out with him in Portland, OR. There aren't many people who can stand up to my wit, but he got me everytime. I could barely keep a straight face around him. Half of our cell phone minutes were spent on me trying to catch my breath from laughing so hard. Sometimes I wish we were still friends but you know how that goes when you once had stronger feelings towards each other. Things were pretty great but he lost interest (like the others).

It was funny how it all went down actually because if I had met Matt sooner than I did, I doubt I'd be ready for such a healthy, positive relationship.

Two things that really stick out in my mind: His mother asking me when I was going to get a real job and the really great times we had just hanging out together. Here is one of those times on video. I had told him about how Kristen, Ray and a bunch of other people including myself went to this really, REALLY bad strip club in the middle of Nowhere, OH. This chick came up and danced for me while I was sitting at pervert's row. A little while later, one of the three other men in there besides us came up and asked "Hey, did you like when that girl danced for you?" I just gave him my famous Tam look (the one where I scream at you you're-such-a-moron-leave-me-alone-without-even-a-word look). I was just like "uh, yea." He was all, "cool". And that was it. He went to jerk off in the bathroom. So we re-enacted it here. Warning: Volume is really low.

I'm Not Really All About Tam's Blog

I can't seem to get it together to blog a really good post...so here's my half-assed write up. Thursdays with Britain. She prefers her spot of tea in the nude. I had a great video of this, but I'm sure MySpace would take it as another kiddie porn attempt.
"Wassup, Punk? You want summa dis?" "You're gonna give me WHAT if I piss in this thing?"

Affirmation

Recently, I've had a few doubts about myself.

First off, I've been feeling really guilty about the nanny I've become. Adding Britain to the equation seems to have made things even more complicated. As if I weren't spreading myself thin before, now I have a baby to tend to while trying to shape the lives of five other girls. Sometimes, I go home and feel like I haven't done a damn thing and feeling horrible about being the snack nazi I am.

Another self-involvement: the kind of friend people do or do not think I am. If I really had to think about it, would I want to be my friend? Do I treat people that way I'd want to be treated? Am I accepting enough? Am I there for them when they need me? Do I call enough? Do they realize how much they mean to me even when I don't say it? Do I need the friendship of people who have drifted far and away? Did I make the right decisions when cutting off the ties of people I thought were only harmful?

And finally, could I possibly be the mother I've never wanted to be? Sometimes Britain's shrill scream from the other room makes me wonder if hot pokers would feel better in my ears. I resent her. I roll my eyes at her. I push her away. I think about locking myself in the bathroom. I've yelled and lost my patience (not violently, thankfully). I've had headaches. I've had nightmares. I've cried (a little). But there's love there. I'm sure of that. There's something there I've never felt before for anyone. And I understand the whole "mother pulling the car off her child" thing. A few weeks ago, I thought I heard heavy breathing in her monitor. I stormed into her room with a knife. If she were a little older, she would have been traumatized for life. But fortunately, she and I were the only one in the room. She gave me the same morning smile she always does and only wondered a little what the hell that shiny thing in my hand was. Turns out, heavy breathing and Matt pulling the shower curtain aside sound a lot alike through a baby monitor. I'd die for her; I'm sure of it. But she still annoys me a little.

One thing I'm pretty sure of. Matt's damn lucky.

Tam Wish She Canadian

I've finally figured out I can upload videos. Computer new to Tam.

Instead Of Posting One Big Ass Comment...

Kristen,
(who is handling my save the dates and invitations, for those of you who haven't figured it out) I think January is fine. But I do blame you that we lost that groomsman.


Dave,
The dude at the Men's Warehouse table at the last wedding expo I went to was an ass.

Dude: "He can pick out the tux and the style and the color, etc. And then, you can come in and change all of that before the wedding. Because, really. It's what the BRIDE wants, isn't it?" Chuckles and thinks he knows me.

Tam: "Actually, I think that's a horrible way to start a marriage. It's about compromise and honesty." Chuckling to myself because I DO know me. That was such BS.

But yes, I booked them anyway because they had the best deal. I agree with you a little and realize you aren't trying to be that dude.


JR (err, Ron),
I understand completely...except for the fact that you WEREN'T institutionalized. By the way, Milo and Otis made it to DVD and it's at Kmart for under 10 bucks.


Eden,
My father will be giving me away. For some immature, coming of age, moment I didn't choose to have that aspect at my first wedding. I've regretted it ever since. The poor man actually thought it would be that way the second time around.I'd like Matt to bring Brit halfway and she can walk the rest (you know, for great photo ops). The girls I nanny will be there to guide her.

So, please continue to answer more questions for me.

Why Don't We Get Drunk And Elope?

So we're on the countdown for the wedding. We've booked the winery and a DJ for August, 2007. We have a pretty good idea of when we want it to begin and end. Now filling in the rest becomes the hard part. Choice of entree? Besides wine, we are responsible for all alcohol. I know I'm pleased with vodka, but what do other people drink? As far as food, we are also responsible for dessert. Should we have a small, elegant wedding cake with sheet cakes to serve for backup or cupcakes/petit fors?

So many unanswered questions. The reception could go awhile. Should we have fruit and a chocolate fountain towards the end of the night to soak up all that alcohol? How much is it to rent one of those things, anyway? Kareoke the last few hours or just head out to a bar for an after party? Our DJ is only 50 bucks every additional hour. If not a bar, should we after party in a hotel room?

For our Save The Dates, should we incorporate the wine theme or go with the generic couple photo route? We were asking the groomsmen to be groomsmen and one told us he already received a save the date for the same day. If we wait, is January too late to be sending them out? Should we face our guests during the informal ceremony? Should we have a receiving line? Is it too bitchy to ask guests to smoke on the deck, outside only? Should we have a shuttle from a designated place in town to the winery (since it's quite a ways and there will be much alcohol consumed)? If so, how would we arrange the times to and from? Two trips each? What if an out of towner "misses the bus"?

Should the girls wear all the same dresses or cooridinate? Should Payton, the bridesmaid, be the only one in a different dress (besides Britain, the flower girl)? Should Matt walk Britain down the aisle?

So many questions like these run through my head every day (and night). Why do so many things matter for one single day?