Ladies Night Redux

Thanks to Alli for more pictures! That picture of me spanking Hilary was completely staged and I think I had my hand in the air for about 30 seconds waiting for the camera to flash. The ones of me looking like a corpse (more than usual) are from when I got stuck lying in the back of Christie's car because we couldn't fit everyone in one car otherwise. I found so many strange things back there: a generator, a trophy, a hand knitted scarf that she obviously never took out of the gift bag, an ovulation test and old takeout. And, damn that piece of Alli's necklace got around.

Class Of 2007

Well, it was another trip to Cleveland for me this weekend...and another ladies night.

I was super excited to see my invites from Kristen, and her dogs. I left around 6am Saturday morning but had taken a sleeping pill the night before. My hangover from it was horrible and the half fat capp wasn't helping. So, I think that was the reason I didn't cry when I saw my wedding invitations. They are awesome! I am so ready to start stuffing some envelopes. THANKS KRISTEN!

And let me also thank Kristen and Ray for always putting me up every time I come in with no questions asked. There's always fresh towels, bedding, a scrubbed bathtub and a puffy air mattress waiting for me when I'm ready to sleep or shower. On top of that, they always buy dinner, snacks, lunch, breakfast and sugarless gum whenever I even THINK I might need some oral fixation. I, being the classy dame I am, tried to pay them back a little and picked up the tab on a 22 dollar bill for breakfast. Yes, my friends. That was for all three of us. I know.
Breakfast was also where this guy busing tables had come over to me with this sucker. Granted, I was not wearing this outfit.
MAN: "Here ya go. We give this to all the kids. 16? How close was I?"
TAM: "Um, I'm 29 sir. But I'll keep the sucker." Oral fixation.


I felt a bit honored that everyone wanted to go out just because I was in town. Alright, I think the fact that there would be booze and/or boys at the bar had something to do with it, but let me have this moment. We decided the gay bars were out. All techno all the time isn't really my thing. It was alright when I was younger, but I tend to dance and not stop dancing unless there is a shitty song or some kind of break. With techno, I dance myself exhausted in 2 hours. And we told everyone, except Kat, to meet us at Kristen's where we'd carpool. Kathleen and Anne couldn't be bothered.



Meet the cast:

Kristen was done with my not-even-crying-over-your-invites business.


Ray wishing we'd just fucking leave already so he could start his night of Internet porn and lazing about with no pants. Ray made me stiff vodka drinks all evening until we left and luckily I remembered my pants.


Hilary showed up first. She was ready and brought her lunch from earlier in the day. It's always nice when Hilary shows up because you get the gossip on people you have never met, nor probably never will, and yet still feel like you're completely included. She always has some entertaining story that really doesn't change your beautiful opinion of Hilary. "She has this shitty old beat up car with half eaten hamburgers in the back, but damn that girl can sing."

When Alli showed up, I thought she was the guy bringing my blackened chicken sandwich and french fries. But she wasn't. Still, I was glad to see her. She wasn't ready but had FLOWN from Columbus just to make it there on time. This is the only picture I could get of her because I tried to take a picture of her in a towel. I guess Kristen walking in on her naked made her a bit standoffish too. In all honesty, I think you could say anything to Alli and she'd either brush it off because she's that awesome or flip you off and buy you a drink all at the same time. Still, those french fries would have been good though.

The last time I had seen Christie, she was oh so pregnant. (She was the pregnant I always wanted to be with the awesome cans and belly. Instead of thinking I was pregnant, people thought it was Miller Time a lot of the time for me.) She was talking about the new baby and even brought pictures. (Um, Brit. You better step up your game cause this kid was posing at birth.) I don't know how telling it was that she forgot the pictures there when we all left, but who's judging? Just don't forget to take your daughter out of the cart at Wal Mart and you'll be fine. It was nice to be around a new mom. They have this internal glow like their kid has given them a world they never even knew existed. It's like being in early love, but better. Instead of unearthing the issues your mate has, you get to instill issues in your kid that dozens of therapy sessions later, they're still extremely apparent. Ahh, parenthood. Christie wasn't too sure on the leopard print top, but c'mon! Who's looking at the leopard print with tits like that?

Gina showed up ready and excited to go. Here she is after she saw my invites. I know, they are that good. You might have beaten me to the alter, Ventre but I obviously got you back. By the way, I saw Gina and Michael's invites and they were pretty damn hot too. Kristen, I'm assuming, created the design. The only regret of the night is that I think Gina and I exchanged three words. When I hugged her goodbye at the end of the evening, she probably thought I was drunk because I said I loved her. There was even that humorous pause like "that was said too soon in the relationship". I say this to people I adore. There aren't too many people I aspire to be. She has so many qualities I wish I either had or was working harder to perfect. Micheal hopefully realizes how lucky he is.

Finally, the food came and I sacrificed my chicken sandwich and fries to be served up as appetizers. Ray told me since he bought it, he got to decide what to do with it. My 1/16 of a piece was really good. Hilary is eating her leftover lunch because she felt so bad for me. I filled up on sweet potato fries that Kristen threw into the mix. Damn, those were good...for organic.

Although I don't have a picture of Kat, she was probably the key ingredient to our successful night. She started out all by herself, scoping out the bar we ended up at and had that best time at. She had some of the best lines of the night. And she trusted me to drive her car and all of us to Ihop where I ate pancakes which saved me from starvation.

The strangest thing was everyone was still celebrating my birthday. People I didn't know came up and told me happy birthday, including a really old version of Christina Aguilera, the genie years. She then proceeded to give me spankings. Although I enjoy a good swat, I was both frightened and perplexed by the encounter. I felt like I should have tipped her.

We had one of the best ladies nights out. I can't really describe without pictures so hopefully that is where Kristen will come in, since we took her camera. I did things I always do like danced on the top platform and threw ice at guys I wanted to leave. But I also did things I'm just starting to do, like watched my drink intake and left before security kicked me out. Some of our ladies made out with guys, poles, a beer bottle and a necklace. We danced in a basement most of the evening. We saw a band for three minutes, except for Alli and because of Alli. Some of us got free drinks. Some of us were out 42 dollars for just one round, double the cost of a breakfast for three. (I didn't buy, Fool. It WAS my birthday, after all.) Most of us wore comfortable shoes and I don't think any of us threw up. But one thing's for sure (enter slow, dramatic, sitcom music here), we all are closer because of it.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

So, I took back some of the presents Matt got me for my birthday and put the money towards a kid carrier for a bike from Target. I didn't remember there would also be a helmet for Britain involved. Luckily, there was one for only $12.99!

"Brit, you see this? You can have a helmet just like the girls!"

"Hel Moot!?"

"Yea, a helmet. You can show the girls when we get to work!"

"Mama?" (points over to the helmets) "Hel Moot?"

"Today we're going to learn a little phrase called 'double standard'."

It's That Time Again

...For some Brit pics.

Line!!!

So how do you think you'd do in the newest variety show on NBC this Fall, The Singing Bee? Probably about as well as the show itself is going to do. Not that I won't watch this, of course, and scream at the television that they are all morons for not knowing the correct lyrics to "Could've Been" by Tiffany.

Diet Coke Should Be Illegal

Now that my 30 vices in 30 days is up, it's so weird to start doing some of them again.

"Oh, shit. I swore."

But ahhh, that Diet Coke with lime, sometimes rum included? That was the light at the end of the tunnel. Just when I thought I was out, it pulled me back in.

I weighed myself three times today. Though I've lost a few pounds, it's because I've been working at it and not because I hadn't stepped on a scale for the past month. Also because I've been getting off my butt instead of hanging out on the tv and computer.

But you know where my ass was this morning at 5 am! I got caught up on 30 shows, all the past Ellens from the last two weeks and a miniseries. Britain fended for herself. I mean, I'VE gone a day without eating before. Why can't she?

On another note, thank you all so much for all the birthday wishes, texts, emails, comments, presents, cards, e-cards and phone calls yesterday. I told everyone it felt like a national holiday. It seems like everyone remembered my birthday...even my neighbor! It really meant a lot to me. Especially the cash. I plan to use it at Coventina Day Spa on Monday with Jillian (I mean, can you believe these EYEBROWS?). One of the best presents I received was a DVD collection of my VHS tapes from high school that Matt made for me. I had one of my 17th birthday party with all my childhood friends that both sickened me and made me roar with laughter. I think that may explain a lot of individual's childhoods.

Don't You Know What Day It Is?

My brother Steve, celebrating just for me.

This is really egocentric, but I always feel like one's birthday is the most special day of the year. I am most spoiled on my birthday and if I am not, I find myself pulling the "but don't you know what day it is!?" line and stamping my foot like a toddler.

This is my day. I get to eat what I want and may even make you eat the same thing. I get to wear what I want, stay out as late as I want, go where I want and have you buy me what I want. My Inbox is full (or else) and I keep Hallmark.com in business today. Because it's my birthday.

And thankfully no one I know shares it.

Vice Smysch

I'm not going to talk about my vices today.


Instead, I wanted to tell you about the Erie Blogger Meetup tonight. The Erie Bloggers get together will be at 7 PM at the Fox & Hound English Pub and Grille, 250 Millcreek Plaza, Erie PA. (It's in the same plaza on the hill along Interchange Road where TJ Maxx is.) The group is open to both those who blog and those interested in blogging and those who know someone who blogs and those who know what a blog is (or is not) and those with really nice eyes.

I also wanted to post pictures of me when I was outside because in the last few months, I can count how many times I was outside on one hand. I've been busy people. I love you and all but I have to get off of my butt and lose those 10 extra pounds before my first wedding dress fitting June 6.

Anyways, here we are at the zoo with my cousin's children, Alex and Ainsley.

There are also some playground pictures...and totally not on the same day. *Clears throat.
And some cute Zoo pictures too of the polar bear and the monkey things. Also Mommy and Me photos.

This Was Way Over 45 Minutes

For those of you that have stopped doing something, something you've been doing for awhile, you may realize how hard "cold turkey" really is. Now picture cutting 30 things "cold turkey" all on the same day for 30 days. This has been much harder than I thought it would ever be. But I've stuck to them (most of them).

It's difficult to keep up with these posts because my ninth vice is too much time spent on the computer. You may have noticed I haven't been commenting much on your blogs. You may have noticed less traffic in general from me. That is because being on the computer has turned into a nasty habit of mine that keeps me sitting more than standing, or doing laundry, or cooking dinner, or taking a walk, or spending time with my family, or eating a balanced meal. Between that vice and my tenth vice which is too much time spent watching television, I have become quite the lazy hypocrite. That is why I have limited myself to 30-45 minutes of computer time and 30 to 60 minutes of TV time (movies are an exception) every day. I've sort of stuck to these. I'm sure it's possible, but I've been a bit lenient with it.

On to my eleventh vice, which somehow I actually have stuck to this entire time: too much soda. I have not had any carbonated drink (besides seltzer water) since April 15. This also coincides with my twelfth vice: not drinking anywhere near the amount of water I'm supposed to drink. I have tried to get in 3 out of th 4 bottles of water a day one should drink. I'm hoping it's helped to cleanse my body from all the crap I've been putting into it the past couple of months. And finally my thirteenth vice also associated with liquid : alcohol consumption. Like soda, I haven't had any alcohol since I've started either. Most people think I'm pregnant when everyone else is ordering mixed drinks and I ask for water or iced tea, which is great for my self esteem, as you can imagine.

My fourteenth vice has been hard and I've barely stuck to it at all: eating out. This has been really difficult because I do it so often. I can't say I've even been attempting to stop this vice. I've been horrible and I accept it. When I'm on my way home from work at 6 o'clock at night and I haven't even STARTED anything for dinner, it's so much easier just to get home and ask Matt where we should go to stuff our face.

Some of my other vices (number 15, 16, 17, 18 and 19) are just silly, not-even-worth-mentioning vices that I won't, in fact, mention.

But realize, I have been following through (or at least trying to follow through) on all of these vices...all 30 of them...until May 15. Because May 16th is my birthday, and really 30 days is LONG ENOUGH for this chick who usually doesn't limit much for herself. 30 vices in 30 days does not mean I have to post every day (I already did that 30 in 30). It means I have to better myself of 30 harmful things for 30 days. So, no more complaints.

If you're that bored, write your own post.