It's All For You Damien

Britain has not been following the rules I taught her to live by. She's been down right evil the past year. I warned Matt that age 3 is far worse than that "Terrible 2" farce. Age 2 has nothing on age 3. And I am beginning to think she is possessed.

HORNS!

Top Ten Reasons Why Britain Is The Devil's Spawn

1 Britain can scream at a level that can't even be heard by dogs...in a packed grocery store...full of perfect children who stay in shopping carts and don't open food before it's paid for therefore being the child that all mommies tell their children never to act like.



2 She kicks and punches her teacher. I think she is most possessed while in preschool because it takes place in a basement room of a catholic church.



3 Matt is totally handsome enough to be the Devil.



4 Cleanliness is next to Godliness which explains why she removes all the water from her bath and onto my bathroom floor and doesn't let me brush her hair or her teeth EVER without a throw down. This also explains why she insists on trying to wear the same outfit everyday.



5 Her cheeks get bright red from the heat that radiates from her body on a 30 degree day. She likes to run around in a pair of dress up shoes and nothing else. Her favorite drink is water with ice.



6 I have seen her horns and she has a devil's hoof print on her back. It used to look just like a heart but it has now separated into two hooves. This is not sarcasm. This is no joke.



7 She is banned from coming with me to watch the big girl's little baby sisters (triplets). She amused herself by screaming so loudly they cried in fear and pain. Or they saw through her disguise.



8 Her favorite moments in movies or TV shows are when people get hurt, fall down or get knocked out. She will laugh out loud.



9 She is the most misbehaved when I have a very important meeting/phone call/Starbucks appt.



10 She has been entirely EVIL in the car on the way to Matt's parents, spouting I HATE YOUs and YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY while unbuckling her car seat and rolling down her window to chuck books and toys out of my moving vehicle. But when we get in the driveway of their house, she has transformed into the sweetest little girl you've ever seen. Even her pigtails are in place. And they believe not a word I say.

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."