Normal Is Boring

I realize by now this is old news but when you live in the back, you tend to hear things much later than other people.

I saw THIS on the Today show this morning. I can't believe how much rage and disgust I felt. I was screaming at Matt Lauer. I even teared up a little. I am still naive to the fact that even in this day and age, there are still so many assholes out there that believe if someone is a little different that they are obviously not allowed to be seen or heard and should go back to the sewer pipe they grew up in.

I have always been the kind of person that gravitates towards interesting and, for lack of a better word, abnormal people. Because growing up, I was taught that normal is boring. If you can't stand out then don't bother standing up at all. The differences in people make this world worth living in and accepting the nuances keep it interesting.

Now that that's been said, raising Britain with that knowledge is probably right up their with making sure she brushed her back teeth. (I've become a brushing Nazi, btw.) I would be mortified if Britain ever made fun of someone just because they didn't have an arm, had a lazy eye or they weren't wearing the latest shoes. So from where do you think this fear of differences in these children come? These parents, in my professional Have-Worked-With-Children-For-Over-12-Years opinion, are either making this shit up or have instilled this fear in their children. NIGHTMARES? Seriously? Well what the hell did you say to them, dumbass?

A normal reaction to that kind of question from a child should be very matter of factly, very shortly described and to the point. Kids usually just want to know why something is the way it is.

"Mom, why do the leaves fall off the tree?"

"Dad, why do you stand up when you pee in the potty?"

"Papa, why do you and Nana sleep in different beds?"

"Hey! What happened to your arm?"

And all of these questions are asked in the same exact way: without fear, without worry, just honesty, confusion and curiosity.

So 'rents, before you start spewing all your prejudice and slurs on your kids, break the damn cycle and tell it like it is. Then educate your damn self on what discrination really is and how much of it you probably do every day.

Some Things Never Change

This is a bulletin I posted at My Space for you short and sweet lovin' readers

***10 years ago****

1) How old were you? 20----OH MY GOD!!!

2) Who were you dating? I think i was practically engaged and living with my ex husband, Patrick

3) Where did you work? I was a nanny for the same family I nanny for now

4) Where did you live? Erie right behind Goofy's (12th and Raspberry) It was always open on random nights and closed every Saturday

5) Where did you hang out? The dock, downtown, the library, at my apartment, Waldameer

6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? Only fake glasses

7) Who was your best friend? Jeannette Also the group from high school (see Chicks Of '96 album in my pics)

8) How many tattoos did you have? uh prob some lame fake tattoo from Waldameer

9) How many piercings did you have? 5, all in my ears

10) What kind of car did you drive? I was afraid of driving DEATHLY afraid!

11) Had you been to a real party? OH YEA! and learned a lot from them

12) Had you had your heart broken? yes and still pined for the one that did it

13) Were you Single/taken/Married/Divorced? engaged to be engaged

14) Any Kids? Just the ones I nannied


***5 YEARS AGO***

1) How old were you? 25

2) Who were you dating? My now husband Matt

3) Where did you work at the time? Nanny! I done told you!

4) Where did you live? At that time i was in a sweet duplex with Jeannette and baby Ryplee in Landmark Square apartments

5) Where did you hang out? Rack N Roll, Park Place, Plymouth, The Rook

6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? no

7) Who were your best friend(s): Matt, my sisters, Jeannette, Kristen, and the Chicks of '96

8) How many tattoos did you have? I thought I was too old by that point

9) How many piercings did you have? 6, one new one in my nose

10) What car did you drive? PEARL!! My old '97 Buick LeSabre

11) Had your heart broken? Too old for that business too

12)Were you Single/taken/Married/Divorced? Divorced and very taken

13) Any Kids?You mean besides the 5 girls I nannied? No, not yet


****TODAY****

1) Age? 30 Can't you do math

2) Who are you dating? Nobody dude.That would piss my husband off

3) Where do you work? Im a hooker

4) Where do you live? in my m-fing house

5) Who are your closest friends? Matt, Kristen, Monica, my sisters, Jill, Kim, Jeannette, Shelly, Mary,

6) Do you talk to your old friends? Those ARE my old friends You paying attention?

7) How many piercings do you have? No new ones so 6 total though 2 have closed up

8) How many tattoos? You suck at interviews

9) What kind of car do you have? Wannabe SUV named Chicco

10) Had your heart broken? Every time Britain tells me she hates me

11) Single/taken/married/divorced/Engaged? married, Dude This is really redundant

12) Any Kids? I have a daughter of my own Britain, 3 I am having NO MORE!! I mean she's a joy

The Lemon Drops Helped

Thanks to everyone for their support on Friday, whether you wished me good luck in spirit, through a text, showed up and hung out watching from the sidelines or made awesome signs out of construction paper that was bigger than your head! And major props to our waiter who told everyone my number when handing out the voting slips. Half of my siblings showed up. My aunts and uncles were there. My sister Theresa made the signs I requested. My mom's political friends were lured in thinking there was another meeting about equal karaoke rights. The girls I nanny and their 'rents were right there in the front row with signs and smiles. My Daddy gave me a rose and a pep talk before I went up. My grandma said even though she couldn't hear me sing, she knew I did well because she watched everyone else's reactions. People took off work, stayed out late, dropped their other plans, ate up a Friday night. There was a lot of love in the room last Friday for Tam, and it wasn't just the knee high boots and short dress. It was so nice of everyone to come out for lil' ole me.

It was so fun to perform! I wasn't as nervous as the first time (the lemon drop shots prob helped) and there were so many people there that came out to cheer me on that it just felt like a karaoke party or something. I saw all the people in my performing group again and most everyone seems to be friendly (while some other's claws are out a little). I even met some people from the other performing groups.

I was intending to do Hit Me With Your Best Shot and practiced it all week, but I waited too long to register and someone signed up with it before I did. While they did say I could still sing it if I wanted to, I felt like not only would that be disrespectful to the person who chose it first, but it would also be unoriginal on my part. So I decided to sing Hurts So Good on the fly. While my performance wasn't the best I could have done, I was one of the louder ones! I can't gauge how well I did by applause because my mother invited everyone she knew. In all honesty though, I had some strangers come up to me to tell me they truly thought I did a great job.

The last performance before the semi-finals will be March 20th at The Oasis (formerly P.I. Nights) on West Lake Rd and Kelso Drive by Waldameer. My mother, because it IS my mother, has already reserved seating for 25 on a raised platform area. Out of the 12 that are left in my group, they are eliminating only 2, so I am very hopeful I'll at least get to the semi-finals. If that happens, it's a whole different ball game since all the remaining contestants (40 of them) will be cut in half for the final in May.

However this all turns out, I know I will just be happy I finally did it. It's not just because I am a person who gives credit where credit is due (Stephanie, Laurie and Devin should be at the finals), but because I am not a person that wishes harm on someone else just so my life is easier (unless you were that jerk who cut me off on Parade Street today). I am not exactly a competitive person, except at board games, and I always feel horrible when someone is cut. But if we all made it to the semi-finals, we'd be looking at a twelve hour night of karaoke with only one rotation.

I think I just described my hell.

She Even Does It In The Shower

I decided to try out for this year's Erie Idol a few weeks ago not only because I've always wanted to do it, but because they finally have an appropriate scoring system. In previous years, you were basically in if you brought enough people to vote for you. This year for the first time in the history of Erie Idol (so, since about 1930), they now have judges that rate you on four different things: your vocals, the audience participation, the difficulty of the song you choose to perform and the firmness of your ass...err your appearance. Also unlike in previous years where singers got to try out at 30 different venues before the final round, contestants this year only had 4 shots at it.

My try out was at Auto Express...which totally made sense to have an audition there because they are one of the top selling snowmobile and four wheeler shops in the area. WHAT? Why did they choose Auto Express? But it made for a good picture with me on a Ski Doo, so I wasn't complaining. I had a wicked cold when I tried out. I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my life, besides when my water broke all over my living room carpet. This time, my delivery was With Or Without You by U2 and damnit I did alright! Plus it hurt a lot less than having a kid. There were some really great vocals that night among all the high end ATVs. I became even more nervous after hearing some of the performances until I realized the group was rather small. The top 20 contestants trying out were to move on to the next round, so I was elated when I realized only 16 people signed up. I was totally in...or so I thought. They announced they'd still be eliminating 5 people. They called 7 people back up, 8 people...I was thinking how relieved I was that I hadn't told many people I was trying out so I didn't feel like to0 much of an unfirmed ass when I wasn't called.

Then they called my number! I'm so in!

If you care to cheer me on this Friday February 20, I'll be at Buffalo Wild Wings around 8:30 pm. If you're interested, you better come see me THIS round because there ARE some really great talents in my group and who knows how long I'll last. I'm taking it one round at a time (I heard they do something similar in AA, but I don't get any coins out of this...just a yellow ticket) and I'm just happy to say I made it. While still being modest, I'm damn proud I did a great job and that I didn't psych myself out. Feel free to make signs like "I'm With The Tam", "Pick Tam Or I'll Gut You" or "She Even Does It In The Shower".

Stalkers are welcome but please no freaky gifts. I'll be nervous enough.

Why I Really Miss Lipstick Jungle

*Tam fans herself

PHEW! Who else is with me?

Rhetoricals

Did I make the wrong decision?

If I eat carrot cake, does it count as a vegetable? And if it does, can I have 3 to 5 servings?

Can I call you Kettle or Black?

Did I get this cold from wiping butts or Britain coughing directly in my face?

Why does Kara from American Idol always wear such god-awful tops?

I've seen you on video dancing and acting goofy but when I'm around why do you seem to be on eggshells?

Is my nose running or bleeding?

When you check out in the 8 items or less aisle, you're usually in a hurry so why do you insist on striking up a conversation with me when I'm trying to figure out if I need cash back and how many cents off a gallon I have?

Is it horribly wrong that I don't care whether you come out of this on top?

When was the last time I had 8 hours sleep?

If I moved south, wouldn't there still be weather issues, but more along the lines of flooding and ice?

If I have a garage sale this summer that includes all of Britain's old clothes and toys, does that definitely seal the deal that I am in fact done having children?

Is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time?

Are you just ignoring me or do you really have that busy of a schedule?

When is my bad karma gonna turn around?