Resolution Schmezolution

Really. Why do people do it? Why do they have to make one or two or ten resolutions at the beginning of the year? It's not as if they will ever set the bar low enough to meet them. It's not like they'll even remember, let alone stick to, them come February. And what the hell is it all for? Why does everyone ask if I have any?

Well, you know what! FINE I do have some:


Dear Tam,

1) Read a damn book already...from cover to cover, within 12 months, without forgetting where you left off or who the protagonist is.

2) Drop the dead weight. Stop waiting around for them and their issues and stop feeling guilty about it. "You can't be my friend if you're not my friend." - Harriet The Spy

3) Try some new fucking food already. Stop living off chicken, pasta and salad.

4) You're evil. Stop saying things you wouldn't want said to you.

5) You spend a lot of money on a lot of shit. Cut it out! Britain doesn't need anymore cardigan sweaters.

6) Call your friends more, dumbass. While we're at it, writing used to be a talent of your's. Drop an email.

7) Do you know what you have in Matt? Do you realize how lucky you are? Then stop complaining about stupid shit.

8) Not everyone likes you. Get over it. And stop trying to make sure everyone is having a good time.

9) You're wearing that same shirt out dancing...again?

10) This is your one shot. Britain's going to remember the stupid shit you say to her now that she's 3 1/2. You're shaping your own flesh and blood. And stop treating her worse than the children you nanny. Why do you give all the others a hell of a lot more slack? Love her for her faults as much as for her triumphs because you were just like her; you both just want love and affection.

Happy New Year, Blogosphere!