Brian: I'm sorry for drinking a lot of your vodka...a lot. I'm sorry for giving your new wife a 30 minute lap dance. I'm sorry I called you a nasty santa which I didn't even know until I saw the tape. You're not nasty at all and I don't think you look a bit like Santa, but if you did it wouldn't be a nasty one.
Dave: I'm sorry I said you posed the same way every time. (the thumbs up) because its obvious here that you have other poses. I'm sorry I spent more time filling my drink than talking about your adorable son. Tell your wife I'm sorry as well. I didn't even get to say goodbye to her, not
that I would have remembered it.
Although, you DO like the thumb.
Ray: I'm sorry that I let you make my drinks. I'm sorry that I let you tape me when I'm drunk. I'm sorry to you personally for telling you that you weren't as lucky as Brian in the member department. Your size is just fine and Kristen is quite happy.
Toni: I'm sorry I gave you a lap dance 5 minutes after I met you. I realize now that this is not the greatest first impression to make on someone outside of a strip club. I really wish I could remember the conversations we had but I only know you take some sort of martial art and you're a green belt.....
although you weren't wearing it that night. I also realize I don't even know how to correctly spell your name. I hope we can meet up again sometime because what I can remember was I enjoyed your company and you were a very good sport.
Kristen: I'm sorry you had to put up with the drunk Tam. Although you say you like her, I'm sure you're just being nice or you were drunk yourself. I'm also sorry I gave your puppy daddy a lap dance while you were outside on the porch viewing it from the window. I myself don't remember that moment at all but more than one person has told me it happened.
Christie and Tom: I'm sorry that after more than a year since we've seen each other, the only words we exchanged were "Spicy Latina" and how Tom only drinks one kind of beer. If I were sober when you arrived I would have told the both of you how happy I was for your recent nuptials and that you finally moved closer and joined civilization again.
Amy: I'm sorry I went out on your porch with my huge British shoes and did a noisy jig in order to wake up or disturb your skinny neighbor upstairs...not to mention your entire neighborhood. I'm sorry I ate all the cheddar cheese and just let the swiss out to dry up. I'm sorry I hid in the bathtub while your husband went potty. I am sorry I didn't charge you for the 30 minute lap dance.
Matt: I realize now that this is the face you wore almost the whole evening...that "I'm pretending I'm not be upset about the 5 lap dances, 4 falling on the floors, 3 attempts at getting someone peeing on camera, 2 loud, obnoxious and hurtful digs on her fiance' and one glass that held many rounds of vodka and pomegranite" face. The red eye glare is about right as well. I'm sorry I acted the way I did. I'm sorry for forgetting about you until the end of the evening when you started filling my glass with water. I'm sorry I spent Sunday morning puking instead of hanging out with you. I apologize for EVERY LITTLE, OBNOXIOUS, UNFORGIVABLE thing I did Saturday night. But I really don't think we should be over. Since you've blocked my emails and won't take my calls, I wanted to try and apologize here. I think we can get through this and move on. I think you should come back home. Britain misses you. I miss you. It feels so empty here without you, in the house AND my heart. I'm begging you. I love you. Please come back to me.I promise I'll be good.
20 comments:
Dear Tam,
I'm sorry that Matt woke up Sunday morning to find us making sweet love in the bed with him and I'm sure this in some small way may have contributed to him leaving you. I'm also sorry that there are 87 adorable pictures of everyone but me. I was glowing like a star that night and yet I am mid chew or out of focus in every picture.
Kristen
I am sorry that I missed it all.
OoO. I know Brian. I haven't seen him years. I used to work with him at Best Buy. Is he online? What the hell has he been up to? He used to be good friends with my old roommate Troy.
(you probably didn't need the history but i was surprised to see him)
Hes married to Amy and living the dream of a computer programmer. Why am I telling you all of this when he will probably just tell you himself?
That's cool to know. He was seeing her when I still knew him. She seemed like a nice girl :)
Glad to see he got the f*ck out of Best Buy!
Kristen, Im glad you're more concerened about how you look in the photos than how Britain's father will no longer be in her life. I am sorry that the photos were fuzzy but in my drunken stupor, they looked alright to me. Why didnt you bring your own damn camera? And Im sure Amy and Brian have a least one good one of you.
Brian-- you should send me an email. How the hell are ya?
jennifer4956@msn.com. My blog is here: www.thejenson.com/blog
Congrats on getting married by the way. I've actually not met Tammie but I know her brother and I'm a blog whore so I came across hers and she's funny that I read it when I see she posts... but, small world, definetly!
I am sorry too. I can't imagine that Matt left you. Did he realy? I hope that is a joke that I don't get.
The jig is up. It was actually Matts idea to pretend he left me. We had a nice huge talk about what happened and I'll be good little fiance' from now on. Well, better at least. I don't rememeber much of the video footage I have and that is just scary. I DO realize why I have a bruise on my ass.
I didn't tell you but last night Brian dropped my cell off since I left it there and he was all concerned about you and I had to tell him you were joking. I believe his response was "Stupid Tam!"
I just keep getting drunker and drunker as you scroll through the pictures.
Christyn, what would you think if I took a bunch of pictures of you this weekend? It might not be the best weather, but we could go to some great places like the library and you could lie on my haunted pool table.
Brian, I guess I could make you a copy and send it along with the Noscal/Bloesers. Its not so much fun for ME to watch but you might enjoy it. You're quite handsome in it.
Can I have a copy too???
Christie, absolutely! But it might get Tom in trouble. He's a fan of Brian's underwear.
That's ok...I let Kristin feel his package. I'm not the jealous type.
Especially if it was Brian.
Oooh! My own photo shoot! Will you take some of Ray and I and maybe even the pups? We could use one on our party invite.
And I forgot to mention that last weekend I apparently cupped Tom's package for like 10 minutes which causes anything you did Saturday to pale in comparison.
You always have to be the fucking star!
Matt said he's going to beat Brian up for calling me stupid. I said Kristen was actually quoting Brian which meant Kristen just quoted what she THOUGHT he should have said when in reality, Brian probably only said. "Damnit Tam!" Or "That little kidder!" I think a fight between Brian and Matt would be interesting only because I don't know who's more mild mannered.
I think Matt probably has more anger in him and I'm almost sure he said "Stupid Tam" or maybe "Fucking Tam" or something worse. Fight! Fight!
Where was I when all this went on? I think I must have left early as I don't recall any of this party.
Dave you were only there via internet on your web cam. Only the dining room was in view.
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