I've been talking to a few people about this
peeing in the shower thing. I myself am sure I've done it, but it is not on my top ten things of what to do in a shower, that is for sure. So, I was trying to fall asleep last night and started thinking up a test* to see just how gross one might be. Take it and get your results**.
*This test may offend. **Results may not be as accurate for male homosexuals...not because we at I Wish I Was Canadian believe that male homosexuals are gross in nature but because some issues may not apply to male homosexuals. Thank you.HOW DISGUSTING ARE YOU?
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Please choose the letter that best describes you.
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A. I bathe every day, if not more.
B. I bathe every other day.
C. I bathe once a week, if I'm lucky.
D. I bathe when someone asks me if I know what that smell is in the office.
E. I don't even own soap.
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A. I wash my hands all the time, for exactly six seconds a finger.
B. I wash my hands after I go to the bathroom or I've touched raw meat.
C. I wash my hands when they feel dirty.
D. Why wash my hands when I just showered last week?
E. Again, fuck soap.
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A. I've never been near the inside of my nose.
B. I've picked my nose.
C. ...and I know what it tastes like.
D. I've picked someone else's nose (does not apply to your own children or Kristen's dogs).
E. I pick anything including scabs, belly buttons and my herpes sores.
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A. I have a toothbrush for cleaning my toothbrush.
B. I have a toothbrush with a timer to tell me when my teeth are clean.
C. I have a toothbrush for morning breath.
D. I have a toothbrush because the dentist gave me one a few years ago.
E. I don't have teeth.
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A. I keep my house immaculate.
B. I pick up my house if it's messy.
C. I clean when someone is coming over.
D. I like my hell hole.
E. I've lost things in my own living room/shopping cart.
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A. No urine has ever touched my bathtub.
B. I never/rarely pee in the shower.
C. I've peed in the shower when I've really had to go.
D. I pee in the shower every time.
E. I've even shit in my shower.
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A. I've only had sex in the dark, at a scheduled time.
B. I've had sex inside four walls only.
C. I will have sex when the moment strikes me, whatever time or wherever place that may be.
D. I had sex in front of a group.
E. I've had sex with an animal in front of a group.
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A. I've never slept with someone on the first date.
B. I've surrendered after a great first or second date.
C. I've hooked up with someone before I knew their background.
D. Most times, I didn't even know their last name.
E. I've slept with three or more (mostly coherent) people in one afternoon.
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A. I am anal.
B. I heard of anal sex.
C. I've had anal sex.
D. I prefer anal sex.
E. I am having anal sex...RIGHT (thrust) NOW!
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A. I can't even say menstruate.
B. I've never had sex with someone while they were or I was menstruating.
C. I totally went with it, even though I was or she was on her period.
D. Sex and oral sex are hot while someone is on their period.
E. I only have sex when it's disgusting. I can't get off otherwise.
.
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RESULTS
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Mostly A's: You are more than likely on some sort of medicine for compulsive disorder. You probably only have pets that require very little maintenance...like a rock or a sim fish. You enjoy your freedom of a germ free home and have people sprayed down before entering it. You also like to wash down the walls in your free time. I would probably not be your friend and you're taking this test because you want to make sure you are the absolute cleanest person on the internet.
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Mostly B's. You want to be a little gross, but are a bit afraid of what others might think of you. You usually prefer your own bathroom to public ones and if you ever DO have to go in Wal Mart, ...forget it. You'd never go in a Wal Mart restroom. You usually do the right thing. Your fingernails are a chalky white as you read this. I would probably be your friend, but I usually don't swear around you because I know how much it embarrasses you to hear "clit". You're here because you sometimes read my blog but prefer
my MySpace.
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Mostly C's: You like to get in trouble a little. Sometimes you walk out of a store without paying for something. Most times, you're talking about sex or thinking about it. You've definitely had angry sex. You like to go out and have a good time, not usually caring if anyone is watching. People find you easy to talk to and are usually comfortable in your home, except for the occasional dust. You are probably one of my best friends. Why haven't you called, bitch?
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Mostly D's: Although you think you are semi-liked, sometimes it's hard to tell you that you really should wash more. Hell, sometimes it's hard to even stand too close to you. You probably have adult acne that won't clear up no matter the medication. Your socks don't match and have many holes. What the hell is growing on your coffee table? And your car hasn't been cleaned since the day it was driven off the lot. Most people think a maid service or body wash would be a perfect present for you this Christmas. You may be my friend or a relative I can't get rid of. Tic Tac?
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Mostly E's: Jesus, you're disgusting! What is all over your keyboard? And I don't even want to know why your toilet is that color. You should be on medication, if not admitted. And you may even be homeless, using the computer at the library. I would let it slide that the hair on your head and the hair on your back have fused together as one hair shirt/hoodie, but that breath! It's almost as if you ate the cigarettes and onions as stew. You are more than likely NOT my friend and only reading this because you misspelled something while searching for something else Canadian. I'm assuming animal.
Alright, so this wasn't exactly on Thanksgiving. But Britain would have been happy with spaghetti. Even if she turns every other food away, I never fail with pasta. And no, I haven't bathed her since.
