Miss Co-dependent

I'm a big giver of advice...Some people even ASK me first. In all honesty, right behind having all the secrets in my group of close friends I also am the one they come to for advice. It's a strange responsibility, really. And I guess if I were a super hero, this would be my power, lame as it is. I am able to see what might be defective or just plain fucking wrong in someone's life or situation. And to combat that, I would never spill the beans that they came to me for advice or why.

I was talking to one of the young ones recently about puberty and how being a girl has its drawbacks, but also great power. We aren't the ones who have to go through the sweaty palms before asking someone to dance (granted, we could if we chose to but normally it's up to the opposite sex...Especially in Junior High). She was under the assumption that being a boy was so much easier. I, of course, didn't get into erections over the slightest wind gust.

Yesterday, I was giving my good friend advice about her relationship and the one-sided ways of her partner. I told her I KNEW she was strong enough to stand on her own, that her back up plan probably had a back up plan, but that she should deal with this thing head on instead of running away from it all to see if he comes back to her. She said she'd try not to hold back the next time they discussed (had a huge fight about) something. She told me she was going to lay it all out there no matter how he may react. She said she was going to start thinking about herself just a little more.

But looking back on these two situations, I wonder if I really practice what I preach. I think about how wonderfully easy it might be to have a penis or how lost I would be without Matt. And how I would certainly offer anything to him first (from sex to strawberry pie) if it meant pleasing him and not necessarily myself.

I'm leaving for Boston tomorrow with Matt's mother and Britain. We are staying with his Aunt until Tuesday for his cousin's wedding shower. It will be the first time in almost three years that Matt and I will not see each other every day. I'm kind of scared. I picture myself all lonely in the corner texting him how much I miss him. And I won't know that many people besides his mother and grandmother. His Aunt and his cousin (a sister of the one having the shower) I've only met once. And I've been warned it will be a whirlwind of family and new personalities. So I feel a little hypocritical...Like most days.