Tam And A Haircut

No my cat didn't die (yet). My hair was stolen. I thought I was alright with change, but apparently that is not the case. The main problem is that it takes double the amount of time to grow my hair back than it does for you. And I'm in my cousin's wedding in August.

Oh well. There are worse things...like how much sleep I'm not getting or how my secrets are giving me wrinkles.

Ahh the memories. Look how happy I am here. Actually it just looks like I'm wearing a wig in all of these pictures.

So, what's the last mistake that YOU made?

On Impulse

I cut my hair.

I am not a fan...especially when it's curly.

I will post pictures soon.

I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't laugh at me.

Some Email Excerpts

Here are some highlights from some emails I've sent and received over the past few years in no partictular order or preference.

"I am unfamiliar with the Lipton Chai Latte but other than I am sure it is swimming in sugar, it sounds like a winner. Don't forget Diet Cherry Coke, it's like dessert. Coke just does everything better. If I had a baby, I would so let Coke raise it because they are more prepared than I am. Plus they have Kate Beckinsale and Adrian Brody in their commercials, not lamos like Carson Daly and whooors like B. Spears."

-Kristen Bloeser

"About the 'fat chick daughter'. I was giving her a bath last night (hadn't had one in weeks) and I was looking at her adorable thighs. They look so edible. Roll after roll of sweetness and Im remembering how we couldn't even leave the hospital with the newborn clothes I had bought for her. Matt's mom had to buy a preemie outfit. Hell, we had to put her in preemie for the first month and 1/2. I think she's sneaking food, Kristen. She hides it in her bassinet. And this spitting up is her form of guilt. She is bulimic...and two months old."

-Tammy Ames

"The spare room is still really well kept up so we can put you guys in there on the air mattress. Also because of the set up you can now look at internet porn/watch tv while on the bed."

-Kristen Bloeser

"While I was writing that last email, I was feeding Britain, playing Go Fish with Jane, playing Sorry with Payton and tying Catherine's shoes so I didnt have time to "flesh it out" (the email). Now I hope you understand."

-Tammy Ames

"Dude, why would you need to hold a bucket for him. Uh uh. No. If you are drunk enough to make yourself puke, you hold your own damn busket. Ray created one out of his trouser pants Tam. Matt can surely aim and puke."

-Kristen Bloeser

"I think I am falling in love with the little high schooler from Beautiful People. What is this attraction to younger men? And what happens when I'm 50 and still feel this way? 'Hey Brit. Nice Beau!' Of course there are
also strange crushes such as Jeremy Piven and Michael Keaton (Pacific
Heights, not Beetlejuice)."
-Tammy Ames

"At least Britain doesn't climb up your body pressing all her weight on her
little hands and then lick you awake. Thank god for the small things Tam."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Your burnt meatloaf is proably comparable to the best meatloaf I could ever cook, only better."
-Tammy Ames

"And we both know I am no beauty, but I am adorable when I wash my face and comb my hair. And luckily my laugh is much less jarring when the rest of the room is laughing with you."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Would it seriously be tacky to take an eight month pregnant lady to the strip club? Because it could be kind of fun really."

-Kristen Bloeser

"You're asking the 8 month along pregnant woman who, over the weekend, walked into Wines and Spirits to buy two bottles of wine and a fifth of vodka if it would be tacky to hang out at a strip club? Hmm"

-Tammy Ames

"I told him that it seems like we are living completely different lives sometimes - we jsut happen to be doing it in the same apartment."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Tell Matt I miss his warm body at night and tell the rice baby to hurry and get out already - or really stay in. I really don't care either way. I mean if you're still pregnant in like eight years, frankly I'm going to get a bit suspicious."

-Kristen Bloeser

(While I was pregnant)
"I didnt eat breakfast this morning, so by the time it was noon, I felt like I could faint in the easter aisle at WalMart and dirty up their pretty little floor with my numerous fluids. Jeannette and I decided on Bob Evans, and while it was no Barbatos feast, I thought I could eat the entire left page of their menu and ordered as such. I ended up having a bowl of oatmeal and hot chocolate while bringing the rest home for Matt. Hes like my own little puppy. 'OOH whats in the doggy bag? BACON!'"

-Tammy Ames

"Even though I just ingested a ranchero chicken soft taco, a snacker from KFC, a Butterfinger crunch bar and a bag of m&m's, Bob Evans sounds good."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Honestly though, as gross as it would be to conceive it, you have to admit that a little half puppy baby would be quite cute."

-Kristen Bloeser

(This makes me laugh uncontrollably every time I read it)
"We aren't going to have ham salad sandwiches though are we? Because apparently Carrie had those at her bridal shower and my mom said it was disgusting. Oh who am I kidding? I love ham salad sandwiches!"

-Kristen Bloeser

"I really want to see Constantine so I wish you wouldn't front on him dog. I am with you on the Idol tip though. Constantine has this nasty fat double chin and he looks like a lizard. I keep expecting him to stick his tongue out or shoot liquid out of his nostrils. I don't have a favorite yet, but I like Vonzell and Aloha. I feel like I should supprt Scott Savol and he has a good voice, but I'm not sure what his attitude is all about. I too enjoy to Bo Bice very much. I hope you regretted not standing in line with me for American Idol tryouts last year. We could have been something Tam. *sigh*

-Kristen Bloeser

"I keep thinking about how Matt said the next time you guys saw us we would have another puppy. I think that's because he thought we would have him by Christmas and not because he didn't want to see us until March when we will actually get the new dog right?"

-Kristen Bloeser

"I totally have dreams that are bad about Ray and feel no shame in taking it out on him when I wake up. Ray's favorite thing to do is have what he perceives to be a funny dream, wake me up by laughing hysterically in his sleep, and then when I ask what is so funny, proceed to tell me the dumbest dream ever. I think he once dreamed about a yard sale and he felt this was the funniest thing he had ever dreamed."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Pomme Frite arrived on Saturday. We had a wedding Friday night and didn't get home until 2:30 and got up the next morning at 8:00 so I was pretty exhausted after the two and a half hour drive to get him. When she got out of the car she had this towel draped over her shoulder and I thought there was no way he was that small, but he was. I totally broke down like a bitch. I started crying hysterically and did that embarrasing sob/hiccup. I think Ray would have gotten a little misty if I hadn't made such an ass of myself. Mostly you could tell that he was just embarrassed for me. Anyways, despite the fact that he isn't house trained, he is the most adorable boy I've ever seen after Ray and certainly the most adorable whose entire body is covered in hair. He is so small and delicate that I worry he will spontaneously die, but I'm trying not to think about that sort of thing."

-Kristen Bloeser

"We get our puppy tommorow. Ray said this morning that he dreamt he fell asleep and Pomme Frite was sleeping on his chest. Ray is a HOMO!!"

-Kristen Bloeser

"Gotta go to the bathroom. Tell Matt I was thinking of him. Not when I'm in the bathroom, but just in a general sort of way. I mean like friendly and stuff, not weird or gross. Like when I think of you and what kind of stuff you might be doing. But not in a sexual way, just like what you're eating. I mean not like eating cock or anything - look just forget it."

-Kristen Bloeser

(Why she has such a popular blog)
"When I was talking to my mom the other day, she was trying to play it all cool like she wasn't so excited about the wedding. She's like, 'Yeah, so it should be a pretty good time I guess.' Then she asked if Ray was going to dance with her at the wedding. I said probably but he may be drunk by the time we start dancing and he gets frisky so she'd have to watch his hands. So last night I finally get around to talking to Ray (I don't know if you
have this problem with Matt, but even though I live with Ray, I don't always have a lot of time with him, what with sleeping and watching tv and stuff, so I can go days without telling him things I meant to talk to him about.) and I tell him my mom asked if he would dance with her and stuff. So he gets all quiet, and he asks if really has to dance with her. And I'm
like, only if you want to, no ones going to force you, but I'm surprised
because its not like my mom wanted him to make out with her and whatever. So I tell him that my mom's a really funny dancer and does the chicken wing and stuff. And he gets this really relieved look on his face and is like, 'Oh, just dance with her -Thank God. I didn't want to have to be in some spotlight dance.' I don't know what the hell he's talking about. He says that he thought it would be like announced, like, 'And now the mother of the groom will dance with the groom's sister's boyfriend.' And I just look at him and ask if he seriously thought that's what I meant and he says yes. Sometimes I wonder if Ray isn't just a little bit retarded."

-Kristen Bloeser

"I am writing partly because I had a dream about you, (usually my dreams
result in the person being dead. ie. . .I dreamt about Captain Kangaroo last
year and found out 2 days later that he had died)."

-Jillian Hirst

"Just so you know, I had 5 new email messages (this is a lot for me since my filter is so damn high) and I read your's first. This is how much you mean to me, or at least how much you interest me with your tales of sexual endevors and mindless musings."

-Tammy Ames

"Note: this email was hand written on tuesday, 10/18 and transcribed to
electronic form (email) on wednesday, 10/19."
-Jillian Hirst

"I know blawblaw balw, you have a baby Hows post partum treating you?"

-Jillian Hirst

"Do you know of anyone in Erie what delivers singing telegrams? or dresses up in a gorilla suit to deliver flowers? Are you available? 'Why' you ask?"

-Jillian Hirst

(This number was hidden for the privacy of said quoter.)
"p.s. my top secret, tam only, phone number is: 814-XXX-XXXX. although i could of left the 814 part off, i looked at a photo i took of you and saw that you are in fact blonde. and went to seneca."

-ron richardson

5 Things You Should Know

ONE
The Erie Blogger Misfits are meeting up tonight at Patrick's Restaurant in Harborcreek starting at 7PM. I think my brother Jr is coming so watch us fight over which one of us Mom loves more.

TWO
Three new little girls will be entering the world today around 5PM via Cesarean section.

THREE
Watch Paranormal State on A&E or miss out on the creepiest thing since Ghost Hunters.

FOUR
Flax Seed is the new Black.

FIVE
The last time Erie was this warm was back in 1937. We've set a record high today.

The New Year's Eve Classic

I had a pretty good vacation. How's 'bout you? The chicks I nanny go away for Christmas so I have a good two weeks off every year for the holiday season. The last few years have been so busy with splitting our time up between family parties and events that I haven't had the chance to plan anything out of town during my Christmas vacation in quite awhile. But Matt and I DID manage to head up to Buffalo, NY for New Year's Eve and The Winter Classic on New Year's Day with our friends Mark and Mary. The best thing about Mark and Mary is how laid back they are. We could change our plans at the drop of a hat and they'd be all for it. I wish I were more like that.

New Year's Eve was fun. We took a detour on the way to Buffalo and stopped off at the Seneca Allegany Casino in Salamanca, NY. It was like the casino in Erie, but much prettier. It didn't look like they took a week to build it and they had these fancy things called escalators. I lost 10 of my 40 dollars in one hour. Uh, that part sucked but the rest was nice. Then we headed off to our hotel in Hamburg, NY to eat and pretend to be locals with my huge camera around my neck.

We drove around and around Hamburg after getting turned away at the most popular restaurant in Hamburg. If we didn't have Mark's GPS, we would have been eating the free Chex Mix from the hotel for our fancy New Year's Eve dinner. I named the GPS woman Annabelle because she sounded beautiful and led us to the best rip off of Dave and Buster's I've seen: The Warehouse. It was a really nice bar/restaurant with 1/4 of the establishment being an arcade with basketball, airhockey, videogames, etc. We stayed for awhile, our food was awesome (and was really TWO dinners) but our waitress sucked. How someone gets a "rum and diet" mixed up with a "tequila and diet" is beyond me but for some reason I was punished the entire night for calling her out on it. No matter!

Then Annabelle led us to The Pourhouse! It was really fun and we felt very welcomed. They were giving out free NYE stuff so we decided to ring it in there. One of the greatest parts was when I offered to buy the first round and tried to pay with my credit card. The bartender (who didn't get one order wrong, even throwing four complicated drinks at her all at once!) said I'd have to start a tab because it's a 10 dollar minimum to charge. FOUR drinks and I wasn't even near 10 bucks. So great! In fact, my entire tab that night was only 20.50! The four of us ended up back in our hotel room for a champange toast and off to bed. No partner swapping, porn scene ensued.

We got up for The Winter Classic. It was freezing but awesome and really, once in a lifetime experience. I'm so glad we went. The Penguins won and the Sabres fans were so pissed, they set a dumpster on fire. Getting out of the parking lot was ridiculous. It took two hours to move from our parking spot. Thankfully, it was five minutes from our parking spot to the highway. Plus, we had our leftovers from The Warehouse in the trunk...or we would have died. The weather on the way home was horrendous and I was scared for my life, but we made it...and it was all worth it.

Happy Holidays

Another year over and a new one just begun.

Because You're Probably Bored

UPDATE! Sorry, I didn't realize I had a repeat link for the "green tea" one. Fixed now.

New Best Of Craigslist:

Rant

Green Tea From Hell

Ghostly

There are more here but I don't have the time to filter it all for you, so enjoy. And here is the other post about Best Of Craigslist.

Child Abuse

I know there's a child abuse hotline for kids who get knocked around by their parents, but who do I call when my kid beats on ME? "Better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why." You can tell at the end of the video she's already trying to apologize and asking me not to leave her.

December Erie Blogger Meetup

The misfits are meeting tonight at 7PM at Romolo's: 1525 W 8th St, Erie PA, or you know, 8th and Bayfront. They have really good chai there...and isn't as pretentious as Starbuck's. So, join us. We need new faces! Most of the boys talk about computer stuff and RPG's while most of the chicks talk about recipes and reality tv. So don't be too scared off if you don't know a thing about HTML. I can barely blog this in a different color.

Also, tonight's theme is charity. So, you can bring a non perishable item for the Food Bank if you like, or look like an asshole. Your choice.

I'm thinking about heading over to Greengarden Tavern afterwards for some atery clogging. Join me there after if you're too cool for the Blogger Meetup.

Happy Birthday, Kristen

When I first met you, I was afraid of you. I thought you were going to hate me and Patrick had built you up so much that I thought you would dismiss me as just your brother's girlfriend. I don't remember you being impressed with me at all and my fear had come true. You were a mystery to me besides what Patrick had clued me in on and I wanted so very badly to start talking to you at a mile a minute to gain any information I could.

I remember the first time that I wished we could be friends. I had read a story you wrote about a girl who had just committed suicide and what her last foggy, hazy thoughts were. It was amazing and I was so out of your league. I saw you at Christmas and sporadic holidays until you moved out of the apartment with Ray and we decided to move in together.

I barely knew you but it was one of the best things I've ever done for my maturity, for my sanity. It taught me so many things. YOU taught me so many things. Who knew I'd learn how to cook even the simplest things (fucking rice)? Who knew Showtime had soft porn? Who knew I'd learn that having a guy in your life at all times ISN'T the best way for a relationship to thrive? The reason we fought so much then is because there were so many things I wasn't willing to let go of or admit to. There were so many times you called me out on my issues and insecurities that I retaliated the only way I knew how, like a child who only knew how to throw a tantrum. It really improved the relationships I had then and led me to realize the weak, damaging relationships I now no longer have.

When Patrick and I separated, I thought I lost you for good. I'll never forget the call you made to me telling me everything would be alright, how it would get better every day from then on and how you'd be in the very next weekend to console me and make me half-done brownies. Among some other very important people in my life, you were one of the ones to really help me through the bout of depression I fell into. It meant so much for so many reasons.

I can't tell you how fast I drive every time I come and visit. It always seems like forever since I saw you last. I can't tell you how many times I think of you during my mindless, monotonous day. You would have enjoyed that horrible pair of pants that chick was wearing or the way that man was chewing his salad. You might have backed me up in that fight or went shopping with me for KY jelly. I'd have a dancing partner every weekend. I'd have a voice of reason to bring me back down to reality. I'd have day trips to places like intercourse, PA and we could start our own restaurant review column.

But then again, though I don't think it's nearly the right ratio of Kristen to non-Kristen time, I would be afraid to live closer to you. It's amazing how we pick up where we left off, but maybe that's because it's always really great between us. There's no overkill. There's hardly any agitation. And we can talk for hours because we don't talk every day. We have a long distance relationship that actually works.

Plus, we both really like reality TV.

I love you. Happy Birthday.