"Can You Mimic This Asphyxiated Blue Hue For The Living Room Walls?"

Payton, Jane and Catherine: my source of income.


Today is my first day back to work. Although, its not as similar to some mothers who have to do their hair, put on their makeup, button up their business suits and LEAVE their children. I just rolled out of bed, left her with Matt, put on some shorts and a tank top, packed up the car, got her while she was still in her pjs, buckled her in and we were off. The girls were really surprised to see us because Mary (my boss) and I kept it a secret from them that I'd be there two days this week. Originally I was to start back next week. They were so excited and for the first time in a long time, I think they truly appreciate my Junkfood Nazi-like ways.



Britain: my source of late night entertainment.


Being a nanny for 9 years has given me much experience, but Brit still surprises me everyday with new challenges. Britain is known for her choking episodes. My sister, Theresa, is constantly calling or emailing me and jokingly asks "Is she breathing?". It still freaks me out every time it happens. Last night, I was feeding her (12:30 am) and she was in between burps. All of the sudden, she spit up and it became caught in her throat. She got all wide eyed and started gasping. I turned her over, hit her on her back...still nothing. She was turning an alarming red. I tried pushing on her diaphram, which usually works...nothing. Then I started to panic, thinking I only had a few minutes until brain damage. I started screaming for Matt who had gone to bed already. I'm not sure if he didn't hear me or if he was just too asleep but I think I screamed three times. This must of scared the shit out of him considering I broke the news that we were pregnant in just a whisper 9 months earlier. He flew down the stairs, panic in his eyes. She was still trying to gasp, and by this time her red coloring started turning purple and her lips were starting to turn a sickening blue hue. He just kept telling me everything would be fine, but I was trying it all and nothing seemed to work. In fact, it seemed like it was making it worse. Her eyes started rolling in the back of her head. All this shit flashed before me...the rush to the hospital, her funeral, the empty crib. I just kept screaming her name and beating on her back while she was upside down. Finally she burped, almost throwing up and slowly gained her color back. Although her breathing was shallow, it was steady. I would stare at her then hold her up to my ear making sure she was still breathing then stare at her again. She gave me this half asleep, drunk on formula look just like she always does after she eats and I just started nervously laughing...not only because I felt such relief but because I felt like a dumbass waking Matt up like that for something that I probably just should have waited out. Its not as if it hadn't happened before. Matt and I both looked at her bottle, which she had an ounce left that we would normally make her finish. Matt just gave me a look and said "we're done with that thing tonight." Although I'd had only 7 hours of sleep in the past four days, it still took me an hour to fall asleep.