Posting My Secrets Again

Well, it's that time again. Although I don't have nearly as many as the first time, I am letting a few more secrets of mine into your life. Again, these are from my blog that nobody reads, therefore I am free to say what I wish. Overanalyze them as you will. Afterall, they are probably about you.

"Sometimes, it feels like I'm going through life with my eyes closed. I'm feeling around, trying to figure out how close I am to the coffee table before I bang my fucking knee."

"If you're going to talk shit on me and my family, don't sit there and drink the punch we've offered...Not when you'd rather just throw it in our face. At least there'd be an ounce of honesty in that."

"All you seem to notice in other people are the flaws you have in yourself. I don't trust you. I can't stand you. I don't want you so close. And now he has become your own little disappearing act. And I can't hang out with him unless I hang out with you."

"I don't understand how one moment can be breath taking, euphoric even, a scene out of a goddamned movie, while the very next I'm wishing I was somewhere else...Anywhere else."

Nice Day For A...

The wedding was really nice. It was like most weddings I attend. I wasn't late but somehow felt like everyone else was there before me. Monica said "I do" without too much hesitation. My sister Theresa kept making "honeymoon night" jokes. My cousin Steve and my brother Steve got trashed. I caught the bouquet. Somebody had hard feelings. Somebody danced with me that was very married. The bride and groom won the 50/50. I had to watch someone I would never/could never kiss totally make out with their new spouse. There were kleenex. There's no way they'd charge you 15 bucks a plate for spaghetti and potatoes anywhere else but a reception. There were shots. There was a dorky DJ. There was love.

But most of all, there were flasks.

Congratulations to my new sister, my little brother and my very adorable niece. We love you all.









My nephew Hunter who didn't understand the meaning of "usher". Most of us sat in the nosebleed section.

Cheap date.
Every male in this photo (besides Matt and my brother) are my cousins. That's why I could take YOU!
Periwinkle is pimp.

"Weren't there more cards than this?"

See those nails? That explains it. I washed the blood off before the picture.

No Molestar

Is anyone else really disgusted with Blogger?





Here are the pictures I tried posting three weeks ago of my soon to be sister-in-law Monica and her daughter Kaitlyn. She and my brother tie the knot this Saturday. We went out for her bacherlorette party last Friday. Britain had decided to wake me up at 5 am earlier that morning so by the time last call came around, I was half asleep on the patio furniture outside one bar looking really wasted instead of old and tired. I think Monica is rethinking what she's actually marrying into.

Shallow As It Seems

Attractive: wit, great eyes, huge sexual appetite, a skeleton in a closet, knows a lot of 80's music, is nice to the wait staff, gets my jokes, can teach me a thing or two.
Unattractive: a beer belly, a wife beater (the one that used to be white but is now a barbecue sauce enhanced pink with an armpit stained brown piping), judgmental, cocky, tells you what kind of car they drive before how many siblings they have, overemotional.

Good Movie: something I'd buy and watch over and over, something I'd recommend, something I'd see full price with NO ONE on opening night in a packed theater. (Example: Go)
Bad Movie: Not even if they were showing it for free on a rainy afternoon and I didn't have an umbrella while my skin was more like a sponge and just collected every last drop of water and all the buildings/shelters were demolished. Example: Crossroads

On A Good Day: I'm cracking (good) jokes left and right making everyone laugh around me, I find a twenty in my pants, I meet my brother Ralphie whom I've never met, I get lost in the woods for an hour with nothing but my converse and my MP3 player and come out at a crossing with a giant waterfall, I get a letter from an old, dear friend, I'm hugged and kissed more than I hug and kiss, my pap test comes back free and clear, Canada decides to grant me citizenship, we win an all inclusive honeymoon, I'm awake early and out all night, my parents call just to say hi, Kohls is running a huge sale and I write poetry or an excerpt that is actually published.
On A Not So Good Day: I lose my engagement ring, I forget Britain in the car, I learn someone hates me just because of the way I am, they stop making 3 Musketeers Bars and Berry Blossom Teen Spirit, I get fired because I really fuck up, Matt decides he's better off without me, my friends don't see it my way and lose my phone number, the power is out and I'm all alone at 10 pm, I lose my hearing except for the country music song that plays over and over in my head, and my house catches fire when I'm on the second floor, asleep with no way out.

This Sounds Like An Email

Hey friends (and people I don't know that are reading my blog, and enemies that are reading my blog just to laugh when something tragic happens to me),

This week has been crazy. I took Britain in Monday to check her urine. "This House Is Cleeeahhrr". She's all better. The demon has left her soul. I wasn't really worried about the fever so much as WHY she had the fever. Her urinary tract infections can lead to kidney infections rather quickly, so it wasn't just a regular fever. Normally, I don't even reach for the Tylenol/Ibu unless her temp is at least 101. I'm not so much for the medicine. I think I've personally been to the doctor twice (once for an STD scare and the other because I "accidentally" swallowed some antifreeze). SDC Unfortunately, after her appointment on the way down the steps to the car, I stepped on my ankle wrong and fell (only one step left). It wasn't so much my ankle but the muscles in my foot from my toes to my ankle. I honestly wasn't sure if I would ever walk again because for a good 3 minutes, I had no feeling whatsoever in my foot. Thankfully I didn't drop Britain but the diaper bag contents went EVERYWHERE. Also it was convenient for me that the office was entirely empty. When I finally got feeling back, I hobbled to the car and was thankful that it wasn't my driving foot. Day 4 and it still hurts a little, but no major damage.

Well, here comes my little brother's wedding on the 24th. I still can picture him in his Transformers costume on Halloween with his squeaky voice telling me I stole some of his candy. Now he'll be a married man, a step-father, and he and his bride-to-be Monica are planning to start trying for their own new little one (in the limo?). On top of all that, they closed on their house Friday. So not only are they worrying about groomsmen's gifts and seating arrangements, they are also knee high in grout and drywall. And the last I heard, they were intending on moving next weekend! That is a WEEK before their wedding. (Pictures of Monica and their daughter Kaitlyn to come later, when I'm not at work.) UPDATE: Blogger is uncooperative when it comes to pictures, editing or anything else that would make a post more attractive.

So with a wedding comes a diet. I'm back on my high fiber, much water, low fat, no exercise diet. I've lost a few pounds so far but the baby belly, I'm aware, will never leave. Have you ever looked at yourself naked? Sometimes I feel bad for Matt...not only because he went from his mother's cooking to mine, but because I HAVE looked at myself in the mirror naked. And what happened to my butt?

Pray FOR Me

I realize I've been pretty non-existant lately. Not only did I start back to work full time for the summer, but Britain and I, along with my sister Michelle, spent Memorial Day in the ER. Her fever was 103 and actually INCREASED with Tylenol. It was an ordeal to say the least but 5 1/2 hours later they diagnosed her with another urinary tract infection and gave her a prescription for an anitbiotic. A big thank you, Michelle, for sacrificing your holiday when you could have been honoring the troops. Thankfully, we caught up on some old episodes of What Not To Wear. Eventually we stopped checking her temperature and just started asking Brit how high it was. She then would communicate to us by putting her hands over her head. "Soooooo high!" Britain, Matt and I were BACK in the ER the very next day, after many cool baths, doses of Tylenol and Ibuprophen, and some throwing up. Her temp was 104 and wasn't budging. They gave her Tylenol where I never want Tylenol to go again and gave her an anitbiotic booster in her leg. It seemed to do the trick and she's on her way to recovery, I think. We have an appointment with her specialist Monday when we'll know more on the specimen they took. My Grandmother said she'd pray FOR me, so I think it will all work out.

All You Perverts

"All you perverts out there, keep it to yourself. I want something different, something exciting." - Michelle Rodriguez



I thought I wouldn't have to see anymore of Michelle Rodriguez's face since she was killed off on LOST, but now all the news is out about her DUI again. We didn't care before...why should we care now? Everytime she talks, it looks like she's eating her own face.
(Her mug shot. She's still all trashed.)

We Was Poor But We Had Love

Growing up, my family wasn't by any means wealthy. We rented (the horror) our house in an upperclass town. There were friends of mine that were only allowed to be my friend during school hours and I wasn't asked over to many people's houses. If I asked someone over, there was always some excuse why they couldn't make it. We could have used a maid and a landscaper. Our car color was "Bondo" and always at least 10 years old. My first bike was from a garage sale. My clothes were hand-me-downs from people who had the clothes as hand-me-downs.

But I didn't really get it. In fact, I didn't really understand that I was different until I was told, "My mom doesn't want me coming over because you don't live in a new house." I was once even accused of stealing my friend's toy because I was playing with it all day at recess and it came up missing later that day. (I'm not even sure what happened to it, but I hadn't taken it...I only steal gum.) I'm not going to say I wasn't taken care of, but there WERE times when I wore the same thing two days in a row, or went to school with bed head. If it wan't for my reduced lunch ticket, I probably wouldn't have eaten lunch every day. But there were SIX children. My parents both worked their asses off. My older brothers and sisters thought of me as one of their chores. And my little brother and I were on our own at an earlier age than normal. Half of my life in that town, I felt less than most of my peers. What amazes me still is that most of the teasing and dirty looks I received were fudamentally from parents and people who were old enough to know better, like my teachers. Am I that naive to still be so surprised at all the hatred and judgmental assholes in the world? An example of how it was in my town: One of my good friends was with her mother at the grocery store and asked why an African American couple had a "dirty baby".

I've always said I wouldn't have wanted my parents' financial status to be any different. I learned so many things and values BECAUSE we were of lower income. My own parents (now close to a 6 figure income) never measured a person's worth by how much they had in their bank account. They are the same people they were before (maybe fighting a little less...Just a little). And I certainly wasn't brought up to think any differently of someone just because they've never driven a Benz. Britain, I hope will turn out with the same mentality as well.

When I Was Just A Little Girl

Today is my 28th birthday. Over the weekend, I went out with my family (and close friends who were given minutes notice) to the Fox N Hound. It was a pretty good time, and we didn't pay 125 bucks like the group who blocked off half the room. For some reason their party only went until 10:30 while mine went well over midnight. Britain came for an hour of so and then my boss was nice enough to watch her (sleep in her carseat). I was garnished with beautiful, thoughtful gifts and cards while I felt very loved.

Matt's father (holding his hands over his ears) had heard enough from Matt's mother (in black).





Best friends Tam, Mary and Jillian

Matt and his father.

No introduction necessary.









My cousin Mike with my best friends and I.


Tam, Mary, Kevin and Jillian








So, today is my ACTUAL celebration, if you call laundry, vacuuming and barely being able to brush my teeth let alone shower a celebration. No matter. The worst thing about today is on previous birthdays, I can remember wearing brand new sun dresses, shorts, tank tops, sandals, bathing suits. I remember my 13th birthday party at the beach. I remember skinny dipping for my 15th. I remember camping out under the stars for my 17th. And here I am ten years later in a sweatshirt, jeans and winter socks. ITS 52 DEGREES! Can someone explain Global Warming to me please because I'm just not understanding the definition this year?

Celebrities who share my birthday: (these links aren't fun...don't bother clicking on them)

Henry Fonda born on May 16, 1905
Pierce Brosnan born on May 16, 1953
Mare Winningham born on May 16, 1959
Rosie Perez born on May 16, 1963
Janet Jackson born on May 16, 1966
Scott Reeves born on May 16, 1966
David Boreanaz born on May 16, 1971
Tori Spelling born on May 16, 1973
Melanie Lynskey born on May 16, 1977


For a long time, my birthday was a horrible reminder of my failed relationship with my ex. There was an incident on my actual birthday that started the crumbling of my already failing marriage. But now, I can look back on that year as a true birth for me. I was born into the woman I was supposed to be. And now, I'm much stronger, happier and healthier for it.

So, today I DO celebrate. Thanks Mom and Dad for having the sex like rabbits in the Fall of '77 and for reminding me every year that I was conceived in the back of a station wagon. Damn, life is good.

Viewer Discretion

To the creators, writers, producers and anyone else working on the Fox Television show, HOUSE:

In my opinion, the words "viewer discretion advised" did not fully warn your viewers of what was to come in your episode that aired Tuesday, May 9, 2006. I am especially referring to the the first few scenes where a baby was lying at the bottom of a full bathtub, in which I almost lost my dinner after attempting to gouge out my eyes in trying to erase the aforementioned image from my mind. Flashbacks of Trainspotting went through my head as well. Not only did you scare the shit out of me in the beginning, but you shocked me again when I thought for sure the coast was clear. You showed the same baby being smothered by its own mother, and then proceeded to kill it off at the end of the hour because of the same incident. If ever you feel the need to air such horrific depictions again, may I make a suggestion to include "mothers, women, children, people with a soul, people with eyesight, people who ever saw, smelled, touched, or heard a baby and Tammy Ames" in your warning as well.

Thank you for your time and your sick, twisted talents.

Tammy Ames

(who is a mother, woman, child, has at least half a soul, is possibly legally blind but can still make out a dead baby, and smells, sees, touches and hears her own sweet baby everyday)