Some Email Excerpts

Here are some highlights from some emails I've sent and received over the past few years in no partictular order or preference.

"I am unfamiliar with the Lipton Chai Latte but other than I am sure it is swimming in sugar, it sounds like a winner. Don't forget Diet Cherry Coke, it's like dessert. Coke just does everything better. If I had a baby, I would so let Coke raise it because they are more prepared than I am. Plus they have Kate Beckinsale and Adrian Brody in their commercials, not lamos like Carson Daly and whooors like B. Spears."

-Kristen Bloeser

"About the 'fat chick daughter'. I was giving her a bath last night (hadn't had one in weeks) and I was looking at her adorable thighs. They look so edible. Roll after roll of sweetness and Im remembering how we couldn't even leave the hospital with the newborn clothes I had bought for her. Matt's mom had to buy a preemie outfit. Hell, we had to put her in preemie for the first month and 1/2. I think she's sneaking food, Kristen. She hides it in her bassinet. And this spitting up is her form of guilt. She is bulimic...and two months old."

-Tammy Ames

"The spare room is still really well kept up so we can put you guys in there on the air mattress. Also because of the set up you can now look at internet porn/watch tv while on the bed."

-Kristen Bloeser

"While I was writing that last email, I was feeding Britain, playing Go Fish with Jane, playing Sorry with Payton and tying Catherine's shoes so I didnt have time to "flesh it out" (the email). Now I hope you understand."

-Tammy Ames

"Dude, why would you need to hold a bucket for him. Uh uh. No. If you are drunk enough to make yourself puke, you hold your own damn busket. Ray created one out of his trouser pants Tam. Matt can surely aim and puke."

-Kristen Bloeser

"I think I am falling in love with the little high schooler from Beautiful People. What is this attraction to younger men? And what happens when I'm 50 and still feel this way? 'Hey Brit. Nice Beau!' Of course there are
also strange crushes such as Jeremy Piven and Michael Keaton (Pacific
Heights, not Beetlejuice)."
-Tammy Ames

"At least Britain doesn't climb up your body pressing all her weight on her
little hands and then lick you awake. Thank god for the small things Tam."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Your burnt meatloaf is proably comparable to the best meatloaf I could ever cook, only better."
-Tammy Ames

"And we both know I am no beauty, but I am adorable when I wash my face and comb my hair. And luckily my laugh is much less jarring when the rest of the room is laughing with you."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Would it seriously be tacky to take an eight month pregnant lady to the strip club? Because it could be kind of fun really."

-Kristen Bloeser

"You're asking the 8 month along pregnant woman who, over the weekend, walked into Wines and Spirits to buy two bottles of wine and a fifth of vodka if it would be tacky to hang out at a strip club? Hmm"

-Tammy Ames

"I told him that it seems like we are living completely different lives sometimes - we jsut happen to be doing it in the same apartment."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Tell Matt I miss his warm body at night and tell the rice baby to hurry and get out already - or really stay in. I really don't care either way. I mean if you're still pregnant in like eight years, frankly I'm going to get a bit suspicious."

-Kristen Bloeser

(While I was pregnant)
"I didnt eat breakfast this morning, so by the time it was noon, I felt like I could faint in the easter aisle at WalMart and dirty up their pretty little floor with my numerous fluids. Jeannette and I decided on Bob Evans, and while it was no Barbatos feast, I thought I could eat the entire left page of their menu and ordered as such. I ended up having a bowl of oatmeal and hot chocolate while bringing the rest home for Matt. Hes like my own little puppy. 'OOH whats in the doggy bag? BACON!'"

-Tammy Ames

"Even though I just ingested a ranchero chicken soft taco, a snacker from KFC, a Butterfinger crunch bar and a bag of m&m's, Bob Evans sounds good."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Honestly though, as gross as it would be to conceive it, you have to admit that a little half puppy baby would be quite cute."

-Kristen Bloeser

(This makes me laugh uncontrollably every time I read it)
"We aren't going to have ham salad sandwiches though are we? Because apparently Carrie had those at her bridal shower and my mom said it was disgusting. Oh who am I kidding? I love ham salad sandwiches!"

-Kristen Bloeser

"I really want to see Constantine so I wish you wouldn't front on him dog. I am with you on the Idol tip though. Constantine has this nasty fat double chin and he looks like a lizard. I keep expecting him to stick his tongue out or shoot liquid out of his nostrils. I don't have a favorite yet, but I like Vonzell and Aloha. I feel like I should supprt Scott Savol and he has a good voice, but I'm not sure what his attitude is all about. I too enjoy to Bo Bice very much. I hope you regretted not standing in line with me for American Idol tryouts last year. We could have been something Tam. *sigh*

-Kristen Bloeser

"I keep thinking about how Matt said the next time you guys saw us we would have another puppy. I think that's because he thought we would have him by Christmas and not because he didn't want to see us until March when we will actually get the new dog right?"

-Kristen Bloeser

"I totally have dreams that are bad about Ray and feel no shame in taking it out on him when I wake up. Ray's favorite thing to do is have what he perceives to be a funny dream, wake me up by laughing hysterically in his sleep, and then when I ask what is so funny, proceed to tell me the dumbest dream ever. I think he once dreamed about a yard sale and he felt this was the funniest thing he had ever dreamed."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Pomme Frite arrived on Saturday. We had a wedding Friday night and didn't get home until 2:30 and got up the next morning at 8:00 so I was pretty exhausted after the two and a half hour drive to get him. When she got out of the car she had this towel draped over her shoulder and I thought there was no way he was that small, but he was. I totally broke down like a bitch. I started crying hysterically and did that embarrasing sob/hiccup. I think Ray would have gotten a little misty if I hadn't made such an ass of myself. Mostly you could tell that he was just embarrassed for me. Anyways, despite the fact that he isn't house trained, he is the most adorable boy I've ever seen after Ray and certainly the most adorable whose entire body is covered in hair. He is so small and delicate that I worry he will spontaneously die, but I'm trying not to think about that sort of thing."

-Kristen Bloeser

"We get our puppy tommorow. Ray said this morning that he dreamt he fell asleep and Pomme Frite was sleeping on his chest. Ray is a HOMO!!"

-Kristen Bloeser

"Gotta go to the bathroom. Tell Matt I was thinking of him. Not when I'm in the bathroom, but just in a general sort of way. I mean like friendly and stuff, not weird or gross. Like when I think of you and what kind of stuff you might be doing. But not in a sexual way, just like what you're eating. I mean not like eating cock or anything - look just forget it."

-Kristen Bloeser

(Why she has such a popular blog)
"When I was talking to my mom the other day, she was trying to play it all cool like she wasn't so excited about the wedding. She's like, 'Yeah, so it should be a pretty good time I guess.' Then she asked if Ray was going to dance with her at the wedding. I said probably but he may be drunk by the time we start dancing and he gets frisky so she'd have to watch his hands. So last night I finally get around to talking to Ray (I don't know if you
have this problem with Matt, but even though I live with Ray, I don't always have a lot of time with him, what with sleeping and watching tv and stuff, so I can go days without telling him things I meant to talk to him about.) and I tell him my mom asked if he would dance with her and stuff. So he gets all quiet, and he asks if really has to dance with her. And I'm
like, only if you want to, no ones going to force you, but I'm surprised
because its not like my mom wanted him to make out with her and whatever. So I tell him that my mom's a really funny dancer and does the chicken wing and stuff. And he gets this really relieved look on his face and is like, 'Oh, just dance with her -Thank God. I didn't want to have to be in some spotlight dance.' I don't know what the hell he's talking about. He says that he thought it would be like announced, like, 'And now the mother of the groom will dance with the groom's sister's boyfriend.' And I just look at him and ask if he seriously thought that's what I meant and he says yes. Sometimes I wonder if Ray isn't just a little bit retarded."

-Kristen Bloeser

"I am writing partly because I had a dream about you, (usually my dreams
result in the person being dead. ie. . .I dreamt about Captain Kangaroo last
year and found out 2 days later that he had died)."

-Jillian Hirst

"Just so you know, I had 5 new email messages (this is a lot for me since my filter is so damn high) and I read your's first. This is how much you mean to me, or at least how much you interest me with your tales of sexual endevors and mindless musings."

-Tammy Ames

"Note: this email was hand written on tuesday, 10/18 and transcribed to
electronic form (email) on wednesday, 10/19."
-Jillian Hirst

"I know blawblaw balw, you have a baby Hows post partum treating you?"

-Jillian Hirst

"Do you know of anyone in Erie what delivers singing telegrams? or dresses up in a gorilla suit to deliver flowers? Are you available? 'Why' you ask?"

-Jillian Hirst

(This number was hidden for the privacy of said quoter.)
"p.s. my top secret, tam only, phone number is: 814-XXX-XXXX. although i could of left the 814 part off, i looked at a photo i took of you and saw that you are in fact blonde. and went to seneca."

-ron richardson