All I Want Is You

I didn't think it would feel differently after Matt and I "made it legal" but it does. I couldn't be happier with who I married. When we found out we were having Britain, I felt a twinge of resentment. I thought I really screwed up my redo with another white trash aspect of an already white trash filled life. But looking back, why would I want it any other way? Matt and I lived together, bought a house, had a baby, then we married. It wasn't for any other reason but because we couldn't bear to be without each other. And while others choose to marry before pregnancy (Matt's parents), while pregnant (my mom was in her second trimester with me when my parents married), after they have a baby (or babies) or they choose to never marry at all, it just depends on what is right for the two people it matters to most. And planning this wedding, that is what I had to remind myself. Being married to Matt, this is also what I remind myself. "Do what is best for each other." I wouldn't say I've sacrificed. I would only say I've realized what matters most to the both of us. It's a huge decision when you give yourself to someone else. And if it's truly right, it's not a hard one. You don't lose the best parts about you...they're only magnified to even better proportions. The tiny, little insignificant things that used to bother you are pale in comparison to how lucky you feel to finally have someone you love to wake up next to, love cooking dinner for, love writing emails to, love kissing in the kitchen. I'm finally through with feeling like I'm missing out on something.

I finally have what I've been looking for all along.

Response Cards

The wedding/reception/after party was amazing! It was everything I thought it would be and even more. It was one of the happiest days of my life. There have been more elaborate weddings. There have been more famous weddings. But I look back on it and wouldn't change but a few things and I'm damn proud of the job Matt and I did.

Probably the biggest regret was that we could only invite a select few. It was difficult to "cut" some people I really wanted there. Even though people told me "invite who you want because 1/3 of the guests won't be able to make it", I invited close to the maximum amount of people we were allowed. It was a good thing too because we had a whopping 3 "can't make it"s.

So to those of you who expected an invite, it was about numbers and numbers only. Well, unless I can't stand you. But there is already a gypsy curse on you and not getting invited to my wedding is the least of your worries.

Now Stop Bugging Me!

You'll have to wait for a real write up of the wedding. For now, this is all I have from my camera. ron will be ready with the pictures soon.

Blinders

And everything that hurts you
Gets stuffed up inside you
Like butterflies with wings
or other perfect things
Counting Crows

How do I feel? Ive been here before,
Ive felt this
Retreat to a place, a place within me
I need this. keep it all down, bottled inside
It breaks me to torment again and
Torture me like it used to
I try and try to break away from all the hate
Im feeling for everyone of you thats ever
Done me wrong. I need to justify the reasons
For the way Im living. I guess I cant cause
I dont feel like I deserve it
Staind

Its a different point of view to you
You cannot see things that are different to me
And I cant understand why you cannot see
Blink 182

Sitting on an angry chair
Angry walls that steal the air
Stomach hurts and I dont care
Alice In Chains

Limb by limb and tooth by tooth
Tearing up inside of me.
Everyday, everyhour, wish that I was..
Was bullet proof
Radiohead

If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much...
We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this
Alanis Morrissette

My Sugar Sweet Is So Attainable
This Behaviour So Unexplainable
The Days Just Slip And Slide
Like They Always Did
The Trouble Is My Head
Won't Let Me Forget
The Killers

Leaning over you here
cold and catatonic
I catch a brief reflection
of what you could and might have been
It's your right and your ability
... My perfect enemy
A Perfect Circle

This isn't a matter of sides and you aren't crazy. This is a matter of the blind leading the blind. You're allowed to feel bothered and threatend and attacked. I'm not sure how you've kept it up this long, except that you're one of the stongest people I know. And I'm forever changed because you came into my life.

When I Was Just A Little Girl

We've been going through our pictures for a slideshow we're doing at the wedding. I found some pretty great ones.

This was Payton (now almost 11) when she was just a few months old.

For all of you that think Britain looks anything like me, here are a few pictures of Matt as a baby to prove you wrong.

Switch It Up

I thought I would leave blogger but instead I just decided to switch up my template a little. And you can finally see my damn pictures. But can anyone help me get the Erie Blogger badge back in?