Move Over Mary Poppins

I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blog

2011-05-04T19:24:00.003-04:00

I have not posted in so long. I'm going to have to ease back into this.

MUST. DEFRAG. FROM. POSTING. SUCH. SHORT. UPDATES. ON. FACEBOOK.

I promise I will write an actual post soon but in the meantime, please venture over this site and the first 4 years of Britain's life. Damn, I really didn't know what was coming for me.

No Excuse

2009-11-20T16:44:00.003-05:00

Work has been taking up a lot of my time. I barely get on to check email let alone have time to blog. I HAVE been facebooking a lot. Add me: Tammy Ames. We'll tawwk.

Brit's getting older and wiser and can even eat with utensils.

Matt's still hot (possibly hotter?) and takes my breath away at any given moment. We're better than ever!

Everyone in my fam is feeling the financial woes, even the ones we thought would buy us all houses one day.

My grandma and I hang out weekly and lately, I have been thinking morbid thoughts (WHO ME?) that "this could be the last time we talk/laugh/eat at McDonalds". I've already explained to Britain what death is because I'm that strange, but I know there will be a HUGE hole when it does happen.

Super excited about:

BLACK FRIDAY! 4 AM at Kohls with Monica. Need I say more?
NOV 28 My best friend Kim is having a shower because we made her. She feels like because its her third child she shouldn't have one, but it's with her new husband and it's HIS first biological child. Basically she invited the 5 people that wouldn't stop bugging her. And Kim's making sugarfree cupcakes because my friend is allergic to sugar! I know! The horror!!!!
NOV 30: The new Pittsburgh casino and I are going to totally do it.
DEC 4: Someone whos name starts with Kristen and I are going to karaoke into the night and she may or may not be getting a book title "Faeries Gone Wild"
DEC 5 Channel 12 office party. Oh the tales I could tell if I hadn't signed that confidentiality agreement.
And sometime in the next few months I plan to: see an effin movie in the theater, hang with the Chicks Of 96 and take over the town of Waterford (again. They are still rebuilding from the last time), paint my living room which may or may not include the color burnt orange, take back my bedroom because right now unless you have been in my womb or have a pillow on my bed that says "Matt", KEEP OUT. Its bad.

Merry Holidays Blogettes!!!

People Of WalMart

2009-09-15T17:16:00.001-04:00

U.S. of A(wesome)

Thank you to my sister in law Monica for this website Don't ever head to WalMart without your camera again, peeps.

Summer With Britain

2009-07-23T13:59:00.001-04:00

We had Britain's 4th birthday party at 8 Great Tuesdays. About 5000 uninvited guests showed up and not even TWO Barbarian pizzas from Barbatos could feed them all.

All you had to do was find the annoying yellow smiley face balloons in the crowd of thousands. Those pizzas had 25 pieces each pizza! I'd recommend them to anyone having a huge party.

Backyard fun

JULY 4 2009

Nana and Britain

Preschool: Year One

2009-07-20T13:37:00.004-04:00

Video where Britain had to demonstrate to me what she was saying because I am obviously an idiot. "Daaaaark!!" *switches off light. "Like that."

End of year Preschool Picnic

What I Did On My Spring Vacation Pics

2009-07-20T13:18:00.003-04:00

May, 2009

Pittsburg with Mark and Mary NOW ENGAGED!!! Wedding next May!

"Uncle Cheggs" graduates from Alfred University!!!

Erie Idol Final Pics

2009-07-20T12:43:00.003-04:00

Thursday April 16, 2009

Erie Idol Video

2009-07-20T12:37:00.003-04:00

This is a VERY DARK video of my semi final performance at the Cell Block.

Tam Is Dead Tam Is Dead Tam Is Dead Tam Is Dead

2009-07-13T13:56:00.004-04:00

No, I'm not dead. There's too much debt I have to pay off before I can die. My computer at home is just a piece of shit. I don't even try to get on it anymore. So posting will be few and far between.

New things:

Brit is now 4 years old as of last week. Ugh. At least she's turning into more of a lady than ever before!

I'm spending more time at home, mostly because I'm broke and can't afford to drive my car more than I have to. Sometimes I get so stir crazy I find things to organize like my spice rack. Two weeks ago I took everything out of Britain's room and put everything back where it should be. I was a Lysol commercial.

Matt and I are better than ever. He's a great husband. Sometimes we even hold hands in public.

Britain takes swimming lessons now. She is no longer afraid to go in past her bellybutton.

I am going to Chicago this weekend with Matt's parents and Britain to visit The American Girl Doll Mansion. Can you feel the excitement rushing through my body? Why the hell are American Girl Dolls so damn expensive? The closest thing I ever had to a doll was the 2 for $1 barbie dolls at Dollar General and it took all of 3 days to buzz all their hair off. I DID enjoy playing with my one and only Cabbage Patch Doll, Katrina Lynn and I'm ashamed to admit I carried her around until I was 13. But I AM excited to see Chicago. It's been a favorite city of mine since I found out Fred Savage grew up in a suburb nearby. And I've never been. Plus his parents are totally footing the bill! Matt's parents, not Fred Savage's.

I've decided the people I have no interest in hanging with are not worth my time and I'm tired of pretending I can put up with you and your tantrums. This does not mean that the people I haven't seen in forever and miss hanging out with are in this category such as Kristen B., ron r., Erin F. and Monica A.

Matt's 10 year reunion from high school is coming next weekend. Man, I remember mine like it was yesterday, before electricity and iPods.

All the pictures I've taken recently are stuck on my memory card. I will upload soon.

Until then, Bloggys...

Adam LAMEbert

2009-05-18T10:10:00.005-04:00

If anyone can text me on how Kris Allen is doing Tuesday night, May 19 and the phone number to vote for him I would greatly appreciate it. Matt and I will be at a Springsteen concert in Pittsburgh and he won't let me stay behind in the hotel just to watch "that guy". I am of course DVRing back home, but I really want to vote.

YES

2009-05-06T22:04:00.002-04:00

I can't believe it! I am so happy he's still here. But really: Allison got a bum rap. She's gone and Kris and Danny are still there? Crazy! And am I the only one who doesn't understand the phenomenon that is Adam Lambert? That fucker needs to switch it up. Damn!

Oh, Kris. You live to see another week! Congrats!

Ain't No Sunshine When He's Gone

2009-05-06T13:48:00.007-04:00

Since I probably won't be seeing him for awhile past tonight, I wanted to post some pictures of Kris Allen. You know, because he holds a guitar so nicely.

And he totally looks like my husband... Bonus!

Update...er Downdate

2009-05-04T10:41:00.005-04:00

I'm not getting very much sleep. When I am sleeping, I'm not really sleeping.

I can't stop eating. I've gained control the last two days but I've also gained ten pounds in the last two weeks.

I wish I didn't know so much about you. I'd rather be left in the dark. Ignorance is bliss; it's true. I know so much, in fact, that I don't even know you anymore.

When looking at the history of people who visit my blog, someone keeps checking my site for the Erie Idol winner. In case you were wondering and don't know already, I did alright but was soooooo very nervous and unprepared. I didn't get too many final pictures that night because it was such close quarters and I felt dumb for taking pictures. I made Kim do it! HAHAHA But I will post some when I get them uploaded. The top 5 out of the top 20 that night moved on to the second round. I didn't make it to top 5. Someone who sang the same song as I did (Total Eclipse Of The Heart) made it to top 5 because she came with her own disc, practiced more and sounded better and deserved it, simple as that. The woman that won Erie Idol was totally deserving and sounded just like Melissa Etheridge though I hadn't heard her perform an Etheridge song. It was a great night with so much talent. I was happy to learn I was one of only 2 or 3 other rookies. The rest of the finalists had competed in Erie Idol at least once before. Some of the top 20 had been in it 3 other times!!! I will not be competing next year. It's hard to find a babysitter when almost everyone you know wants to come out and root you on. Although, I'm so glad I did it. I still can't believe I made it that far. I was seriously surprised every time they called my number and wasn't surprised at all when they didn't. Congrats again to all the finalists! You felt like an extended family.

Damn I'm broke. All of the sudden I noticed it. I used to have such a nice cushion but my spending has been bad lately. I buy a lot of shit... like Starbucks and 8 dollar martinis, 4 bathing suits for Britain and dinner for the whole fam because we have no groceries and/or I get home too late to cook something. My credit cards are the highest they've ever been. It all started with my car. I guess I probably should have waited to buy a gas guzzling SUV that costs me a paycheck every month.

I wish I saw Kristen more. Hell, I wish I spoke to or emailed her more. If it weren't for YouTube, I wouldn't even remember what she looks/sounds like.

I was asked to sing a song ("The Rose") last weekend at my Grandma's church. I used to go there all the time when I was a kid. I really did love it. When I got up there on stage, all I could think about was the great times with my Papa and I broke down at the end of the song. Top 5 most embarrassing moments of my life. At least some of the other people were crying too.

It's All For You Damien

2009-04-23T10:20:00.005-04:00

Britain has not been following the rules I taught her to live by. She's been down right evil the past year. I warned Matt that age 3 is far worse than that "Terrible 2" farce. Age 2 has nothing on age 3. And I am beginning to think she is possessed.

HORNS!

Top Ten Reasons Why Britain Is The Devil's Spawn

1 Britain can scream at a level that can't even be heard by dogs...in a packed grocery store...full of perfect children who stay in shopping carts and don't open food before it's paid for therefore being the child that all mommies tell their children never to act like.

2 She kicks and punches her teacher. I think she is most possessed while in preschool because it takes place in a basement room of a catholic church.

3 Matt is totally handsome enough to be the Devil.

4 Cleanliness is next to Godliness which explains why she removes all the water from her bath and onto my bathroom floor and doesn't let me brush her hair or her teeth EVER without a throw down. This also explains why she insists on trying to wear the same outfit everyday.

5 Her cheeks get bright red from the heat that radiates from her body on a 30 degree day. She likes to run around in a pair of dress up shoes and nothing else. Her favorite drink is water with ice.

6 I have seen her horns and she has a devil's hoof print on her back. It used to look just like a heart but it has now separated into two hooves. This is not sarcasm. This is no joke.

7 She is banned from coming with me to watch the big girl's little baby sisters (triplets). She amused herself by screaming so loudly they cried in fear and pain. Or they saw through her disguise.

8 Her favorite moments in movies or TV shows are when people get hurt, fall down or get knocked out. She will laugh out loud.

9 She is the most misbehaved when I have a very important meeting/phone call/Starbucks appt.

10 She has been entirely EVIL in the car on the way to Matt's parents, spouting I HATE YOUs and YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY while unbuckling her car seat and rolling down her window to chuck books and toys out of my moving vehicle. But when we get in the driveway of their house, she has transformed into the sweetest little girl you've ever seen. Even her pigtails are in place. And they believe not a word I say.

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."

Top Twenty

2009-04-16T10:23:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry I didn't get to post the pics on here yet from the semi finals. P.S. If you want to check out all the pictures you can visit MY MYSPACE under pics in the Erie Idol album. I'll post just a few but I don't really have time to post all I really should...that's because I'm practicing, bitches

.......FOR FINALS!!!!!!!!! Top Twenty!

They are holding the finals tonight at Jr's Last Laugh at 9 pm. The top twenty singers now sing to be in the top 5 at the end of the night and those 5 get to perform a 2nd song. Then the winner will be determined. It's a 1 and 1 millionth chance I'll win but a 1/56th chance I'll be top 5 so I'm pretty psyched. Seriously, I am so happy I did this and made it this far. It's pretty amazing!

My family and friends are the best!! Countless texts, emails, comments. Kristen and Ray came from Cleveland, holding a total kick ass sparkle sign (see above). The chicks of '96 did more than represent (see below). My cousin David and his girl Ang came from Pittsburgh. My Grandmother's birthday is today and she's on the guest list when she should totally be playing on 5 dollars all night at the casino. And dude, my Grandma was at The Cell Block! Half the crowd is related to me and most of them haven't missed a single performance. And I am by far the person with the most audience support. It's great! Thanks everyone for so much backing.

Easter Britain

2009-04-16T10:22:00.000-04:00

Britain had a pretty great Easter. Not only did she win the GRAND PRIZE at the Easter Egg hunt on Saturday at the Kingsley United Methodist Church but she was in the Erie Times for it. Plus she found her Easter basket in the bathtub before Matt could take a shower and unknowingly step right into it in his morning stupor. That Bunny is tricky.

Is The Economy To Blame?

2009-04-06T12:48:00.002-04:00

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What The EFF Is Going On?

*Warning Turn down sound for first link
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Is That Pat Benetar?

2009-04-03T12:00:00.000-04:00

Well, round 3 of Erie Idol down, semi finals and finals (fingers crossed) to go. This time we actually took pictures and now there is documented proof that I wore animal print, neon pink nail polish and a lace belt all in one outfit.
I was first to sing which made it both nerve-wracking and relieving all at the same time. I think I did great but effed up the lyrics. Also I couldn't down enough water beforehand and it felt like my throat was closing up at the end.

There were so many people that showed up, whether they knew one, two or numerous people in the competition! It was a good thing that I decided to sing another high energy song (Joan Jett's I Hate Myself For Loving You) because it seemed everyone else decided to do a slow song that evening.

Awhile back, my mother called the day after I made it through to this round and reserved the balcony area at Oasis. This is why Diana gets whatever she wants. You cannot tell my mother no. She will not accept nor acknowledge anything less than her ultimate outcome. That woman must have called Oasis 10 times making sure we had the right count and I had a thrown to sit on. They did draw the line at a crown. Some of the chicks of '96 came. Here's my BFFs from high school Mary (in pink) and Shelly (in virgin white) with their husbands Mike (no hat) and Chris (hat).

My sister Theresa showed up with her husband and invited her BFF from high school Wendy and Wendy's boyfriend Dan out as well. Wendy was celebrating her CANT SAY THE NUMBER birthday in a few days and decided to celebrate early with shot....

after shot....

after shot...Here's my brother in law Mike no doubt wondering what the hell he just consumed.

Jillian showed up with her baby daddy Kevin and their two friends in tow. Andrew and Andrew's wife, I wanna say Jen?, who were actually there to see another contestant. Anyways, when they get there the first thing out of Jen's? mouth to Kevin was "Oh my God, is that Pat Benetar?" with an eye roll towards me. And Kevin retorted, "No, that's Jill's best friend." HAHAHAHA Yes!

Jillian is awesome for many reasons but one reason she was legendary that night was because while I performed, she stood right behind the judges to see what they were writing about me. Stealth! It was pretty good except for one judge. We've named him Simon. He gave me a 5 out of 10 on stage presence. I would have to agree and I've been working hard on it since. Thanks Simey!

Shelly, Jill, Mary and I.

The chicks o' 96 are always a shoo in for best (worst) embarrassing pictures in public.

Theresa (after a few shots) wasn't afraid a no cuppage.

And my uncle Denny and my father were there for the whole thing. Awkward!

Matt and his favorite aunt Sandi (Chase) Staab.

My father in law Glynn and Granny Chase.

See Blogtopia, don't worry about us. We're good. Love Is A Battlefield.

My father is hilarious! He made signs for people to hold up. None of the people pictured came and my father in law that DID come was pissed he wasn't made a sign. I'm not the favorite daughter in law anymore.

This was Sandi's reaction to the other singers.

"WTF is she singing?"

My dad, although he came with the signs, was a total traitor clapping for the other contestants. DISCLAIMER: I realize sarcasm doesn't always convey on here. I have no qualms with my father or anyone else clapping for the other finalists. If you have the talent to be in this competition and you're good at what you do, you deserve the recognition and the encouragement. People have actually told me "these people are not your friends, they are your competition". I have never been, nor will I ever be, competitive to that degree. I can't stand that attitude of having to be better than everyone else. I give credit where credit is due. That's how my 'rents raised me. If they had a Miss Congeniality award in this contest, that's what I would win. That's just who I am. I'm Pat Fucking Benetar.

My mom in the green and my aunt Marge.

Lori, my sis Michelle and Mike: Honorary members of the Tam Fan Club.

Michelle, you look frightened.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Mike Mahler never takes a bad picture.

Too cute!

This is Laurie (I'm dancing with her) who is another contestant that made it to semi-finals. The biggest reason I like Laurie is because she is "just there to have fun before she gets too wrinkled" and because she is "trying to get out of a sleepover for her daughter's brownie group which happens to be the night of the finals." Honestly though, we clicked right away and she has a great voice but doesn't exactly know it or care to rub it in your face.

My sister in law (and my buddy band buddy) brought her boss Therese (Sassafras Street Hair owner) and Therese brought her daughter, Stephanie. Her head doesn't always float like that.

"Buddy Bands! Hey... They work."Therese picked this guy up at the bar. Actually that's Bob, her boyfriend. They are totally going steady.

Granny in her infamous yellow hat. Quite possibly the cutest picture ever.

When they called the numbers of the contestants who made it through, they called my number last! I was so sure I was gone. But then...

Semi finals Bitches! April 10 (Good Friday) at 8:45 pm. Bring it Cell Block! But please leave your gats at home.

Wearing O' The Green

2009-03-26T09:54:00.009-04:00

I realize the holiday has come and gone but this is the first time I was able to sit down and post (with pictures) about St. Patrick's Day. Matt had the day off and Britain has preschool only in the morning so they went out together while I had to work a half day. He dropped off Britain at school and met up with my cousin Steve and Steve's girlfriend Amy for green eggs and ham at Calamaries.

Then he picked up Britain and they had some green popcorn at Plymouth.

I'm assuming this was not BRIT'S green beer, but I also wasn't there so I can't say for sure.

Then they headed up to Molly Brannigan's where I was to meet them for lunch. Britain was excited I was coming to save her from sitting in booths and chairs all morning. By the way, I put her in an authentic Irish kilt which she totally didn't wear last year. Someone came up to me at Molly's and asked if she was an Irish dancer. I told them she's been doing it since the 6th grade.

The scene from the balcony at Molly's. This was at 1 pm.

Then I was out of work and showed up. That day was beautiful weather wise and standing in line outside Molly's was really pleasant. I was still a bit angry and apprehensive towards Matt because of all the trouble we've been having. I got there and I just felt rubbed the wrong way so it was hard for me to just JUMP right in to St. Patrick's Day. I realize this is because of how I feel in my own head but it still sucks a lot to corner, face and tackle your deepest, dirtiest issues. It also didn't help that I had worked all morning and they were at least 4 to 5 drinks ahead of me. Add to that that there was a cover charge to get in the place. Plus Britain totally ignores Matt when I am around and was hanging all over me, whining. And to top it all off, the waitress hadn't come with the drink I ordered via text 1/2 hour ago. It started off horribly for me.

Ugh: WORK HAIR

I cannot stand to go to a bar and just drink. I don't know how many of you reading this have ever been out with me but if you have, you know I go out for a purpose. It is not to sit on my ass and throw back shot after shot. I am normally like this anyway but especially when I get alcohol in my system. We need to be doing something else: darts, pool, dancing, body shots SOMETHING! So, I left them upstairs and took Britain downstairs where the action was (yes into the green mob from the picture above) and were jigging and shuffling like the best of them. By this time I had some Irish coffee and 2 Skinny Bachs (Bacardi and diet) so I felt a bit better. It's horrible to say but sometimes when I don't have to be reminded of my problems by Matt being right there, I'm in a better mood.

We then moved on to the new sports bar downtown, Sluggers. The walk from Molly's to Sluggers was only about 6 blocks and it was so nice out. It was cute walking Britain in her little outfit down State Street. Even the grumpy old homeless man talking to himself stopped and smiled. Sluggers advertised a full line of entertainment later in the day so we thought the 3 o'clock arrival would be a good time to go. My cousin Steve turned me on to that place because of their amazing food. I think I've been there every week since I first went. And it wasn't nearly as crowded. I did feel a little trashy taking my child out with me to my St Patrick's Day celebration, but I also felt if we had her in by dinner, most people wouldn't blame me. I'm teaching her about her culture, afterall.

Britain and I danced some more at Sluggers. The DJ was even kind enough to play one her favorite songs "Walking On Sunshine" and we only got two bitchy looks from some whores at the bar.

We parted ways: Steve and Amy went back to their hotel room at Avalon, Matt went to the Gannon basketball championship game and Britain and I went home and watched Barbie and The Diamond Castle. I intended on going out that night to see New Wave but thought better of it when we hadn't found a sitter, I had to work in the morning and St. Patrick's Day wasn't exactly all it was cracked up to be for me that day. I am officially old.

Erie Idol Revisited

2009-03-20T08:58:00.003-04:00

Yea, it's kind of lame. Yea, it takes awhile to get through all the better than average singers in Erie to karaoke 12 songs. But it's a good time. And there's beer. Alright, it's no Wegmans but I'll be there...prob in something slutty. So support me, man. Have a drink on me, that you have to pay for.

Friday March 20
Erie Idol
Round 3
Oasis Pub
830 PM

If I make it this time it's off to semi-finals! Although if I make it to finals, I've already watched the winner perform last week. Her name is Amara. She's untouchable and the nicest little thing!
Eh, wish me luck anyways.

Enter Tam's Brain Here

2009-03-09T09:55:00.004-04:00

Check out THIS blogger. I'm pretty sure my sister Theresa has been reading her for awhile and I finally checked her out. I personally love Jakezilla because it's about parenting and her child and monotony and bitchy-ness. But really, all of her blogs are great. I'm most jealous that she posts all the damn time on all of them and I am lucky to post once a holiday.

Speaking of holidays, catch New Wave Nation the 17th at Sherlock's! That's where I'll be. Sometimes I think about wearing any color but green on St. Patrick's Day. I don't really have a lot of green and it's so conforming. I wore teal one year. I DID pick up some cute Irish pins at Big Lots the other day. (Does anyone else love Big Lots?) The buttons have things written on them like "Irish In Training" and "Irish For A Day". They are only $1.20 for 8 pins! Oh, they also have Barbie undies in case you have a 3 year old daughter who has nothing in common with you.

"Barbie? Are you sure you want BARBIE?"

In other news Matt and I are close to imploding. I blame it on his schedule being exactly opposite of mine and the lack of money he is making at work. It has nothing to do with my neurosis or insecurities. It was awesome for so long and now we are back to being Mr. and Mrs. Bickerson. It's not a surprise that things may change soon. No, not the D-word! That boy is stuck with me for life! I mean he is actively looking. No, not for my sister wife!

Normal Is Boring

2009-02-26T09:25:00.005-05:00

I realize by now this is old news but when you live in the back, you tend to hear things much later than other people.

I saw THIS on the Today show this morning. I can't believe how much rage and disgust I felt. I was screaming at Matt Lauer. I even teared up a little. I am still naive to the fact that even in this day and age, there are still so many assholes out there that believe if someone is a little different that they are obviously not allowed to be seen or heard and should go back to the sewer pipe they grew up in.

I have always been the kind of person that gravitates towards interesting and, for lack of a better word, abnormal people. Because growing up, I was taught that normal is boring. If you can't stand out then don't bother standing up at all. The differences in people make this world worth living in and accepting the nuances keep it interesting.

Now that that's been said, raising Britain with that knowledge is probably right up their with making sure she brushed her back teeth. (I've become a brushing Nazi, btw.) I would be mortified if Britain ever made fun of someone just because they didn't have an arm, had a lazy eye or they weren't wearing the latest shoes. So from where do you think this fear of differences in these children come? These parents, in my professional Have-Worked-With-Children-For-Over-12-Years opinion, are either making this shit up or have instilled this fear in their children. NIGHTMARES? Seriously? Well what the hell did you say to them, dumbass?

A normal reaction to that kind of question from a child should be very matter of factly, very shortly described and to the point. Kids usually just want to know why something is the way it is.

"Mom, why do the leaves fall off the tree?"

"Dad, why do you stand up when you pee in the potty?"

"Papa, why do you and Nana sleep in different beds?"

"Hey! What happened to your arm?"

And all of these questions are asked in the same exact way: without fear, without worry, just honesty, confusion and curiosity.

So 'rents, before you start spewing all your prejudice and slurs on your kids, break the damn cycle and tell it like it is. Then educate your damn self on what discrination really is and how much of it you probably do every day.

Some Things Never Change

2009-02-25T09:33:00.005-05:00

This is a bulletin I posted at My Space for you short and sweet lovin' readers

***10 years ago****

1) How old were you? 20----OH MY GOD!!!

2) Who were you dating? I think i was practically engaged and living with my ex husband, Patrick

3) Where did you work? I was a nanny for the same family I nanny for now

4) Where did you live? Erie right behind Goofy's (12th and Raspberry) It was always open on random nights and closed every Saturday

5) Where did you hang out? The dock, downtown, the library, at my apartment, Waldameer

6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? Only fake glasses

7) Who was your best friend? Jeannette Also the group from high school (see Chicks Of '96 album in my pics)

8) How many tattoos did you have? uh prob some lame fake tattoo from Waldameer

9) How many piercings did you have? 5, all in my ears

10) What kind of car did you drive? I was afraid of driving DEATHLY afraid!

11) Had you been to a real party? OH YEA! and learned a lot from them

12) Had you had your heart broken? yes and still pined for the one that did it

13) Were you Single/taken/Married/Divorced? engaged to be engaged

14) Any Kids? Just the ones I nannied

***5 YEARS AGO***

1) How old were you? 25

2) Who were you dating? My now husband Matt

3) Where did you work at the time? Nanny! I done told you!

4) Where did you live? At that time i was in a sweet duplex with Jeannette and baby Ryplee in Landmark Square apartments

5) Where did you hang out? Rack N Roll, Park Place, Plymouth, The Rook

6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? no

7) Who were your best friend(s): Matt, my sisters, Jeannette, Kristen, and the Chicks of '96

8) How many tattoos did you have? I thought I was too old by that point

9) How many piercings did you have? 6, one new one in my nose

10) What car did you drive? PEARL!! My old '97 Buick LeSabre

11) Had your heart broken? Too old for that business too

12)Were you Single/taken/Married/Divorced? Divorced and very taken

13) Any Kids?You mean besides the 5 girls I nannied? No, not yet

****TODAY****

1) Age? 30 Can't you do math

2) Who are you dating? Nobody dude.That would piss my husband off

3) Where do you work? Im a hooker

4) Where do you live? in my m-fing house

5) Who are your closest friends? Matt, Kristen, Monica, my sisters, Jill, Kim, Jeannette, Shelly, Mary,

6) Do you talk to your old friends? Those ARE my old friends You paying attention?

7) How many piercings do you have? No new ones so 6 total though 2 have closed up

8) How many tattoos? You suck at interviews

9) What kind of car do you have? Wannabe SUV named Chicco

10) Had your heart broken? Every time Britain tells me she hates me

11) Single/taken/married/divorced/Engaged? married, Dude This is really redundant

12) Any Kids? I have a daughter of my own Britain, 3 I am having NO MORE!! I mean she's a joy

The Lemon Drops Helped

2009-02-23T08:23:00.007-05:00

Thanks to everyone for their support on Friday, whether you wished me good luck in spirit, through a text, showed up and hung out watching from the sidelines or made awesome signs out of construction paper that was bigger than your head! And major props to our waiter who told everyone my number when handing out the voting slips. Half of my siblings showed up. My aunts and uncles were there. My sister Theresa made the signs I requested. My mom's political friends were lured in thinking there was another meeting about equal karaoke rights. The girls I nanny and their 'rents were right there in the front row with signs and smiles. My Daddy gave me a rose and a pep talk before I went up. My grandma said even though she couldn't hear me sing, she knew I did well because she watched everyone else's reactions. People took off work, stayed out late, dropped their other plans, ate up a Friday night. There was a lot of love in the room last Friday for Tam, and it wasn't just the knee high boots and short dress. It was so nice of everyone to come out for lil' ole me.

It was so fun to perform! I wasn't as nervous as the first time (the lemon drop shots prob helped) and there were so many people there that came out to cheer me on that it just felt like a karaoke party or something. I saw all the people in my performing group again and most everyone seems to be friendly (while some other's claws are out a little). I even met some people from the other performing groups.

I was intending to do Hit Me With Your Best Shot and practiced it all week, but I waited too long to register and someone signed up with it before I did. While they did say I could still sing it if I wanted to, I felt like not only would that be disrespectful to the person who chose it first, but it would also be unoriginal on my part. So I decided to sing Hurts So Good on the fly. While my performance wasn't the best I could have done, I was one of the louder ones! I can't gauge how well I did by applause because my mother invited everyone she knew. In all honesty though, I had some strangers come up to me to tell me they truly thought I did a great job.

The last performance before the semi-finals will be March 20th at The Oasis (formerly P.I. Nights) on West Lake Rd and Kelso Drive by Waldameer. My mother, because it IS my mother, has already reserved seating for 25 on a raised platform area. Out of the 12 that are left in my group, they are eliminating only 2, so I am very hopeful I'll at least get to the semi-finals. If that happens, it's a whole different ball game since all the remaining contestants (40 of them) will be cut in half for the final in May.

However this all turns out, I know I will just be happy I finally did it. It's not just because I am a person who gives credit where credit is due (Stephanie, Laurie and Devin should be at the finals), but because I am not a person that wishes harm on someone else just so my life is easier (unless you were that jerk who cut me off on Parade Street today). I am not exactly a competitive person, except at board games, and I always feel horrible when someone is cut. But if we all made it to the semi-finals, we'd be looking at a twelve hour night of karaoke with only one rotation.

I think I just described my hell.

She Even Does It In The Shower

2009-02-17T14:38:00.006-05:00

I decided to try out for this year's Erie Idol a few weeks ago not only because I've always wanted to do it, but because they finally have an appropriate scoring system. In previous years, you were basically in if you brought enough people to vote for you. This year for the first time in the history of Erie Idol (so, since about 1930), they now have judges that rate you on four different things: your vocals, the audience participation, the difficulty of the song you choose to perform and the firmness of your ass...err your appearance. Also unlike in previous years where singers got to try out at 30 different venues before the final round, contestants this year only had 4 shots at it.

My try out was at Auto Express...which totally made sense to have an audition there because they are one of the top selling snowmobile and four wheeler shops in the area. WHAT? Why did they choose Auto Express? But it made for a good picture with me on a Ski Doo, so I wasn't complaining. I had a wicked cold when I tried out. I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my life, besides when my water broke all over my living room carpet. This time, my delivery was With Or Without You by U2 and damnit I did alright! Plus it hurt a lot less than having a kid. There were some really great vocals that night among all the high end ATVs. I became even more nervous after hearing some of the performances until I realized the group was rather small. The top 20 contestants trying out were to move on to the next round, so I was elated when I realized only 16 people signed up. I was totally in...or so I thought. They announced they'd still be eliminating 5 people. They called 7 people back up, 8 people...I was thinking how relieved I was that I hadn't told many people I was trying out so I didn't feel like to0 much of an unfirmed ass when I wasn't called.

Then they called my number! I'm so in!

If you care to cheer me on this Friday February 20, I'll be at Buffalo Wild Wings around 8:30 pm. If you're interested, you better come see me THIS round because there ARE some really great talents in my group and who knows how long I'll last. I'm taking it one round at a time (I heard they do something similar in AA, but I don't get any coins out of this...just a yellow ticket) and I'm just happy to say I made it. While still being modest, I'm damn proud I did a great job and that I didn't psych myself out. Feel free to make signs like "I'm With The Tam", "Pick Tam Or I'll Gut You" or "She Even Does It In The Shower".

Stalkers are welcome but please no freaky gifts. I'll be nervous enough.

Why I Really Miss Lipstick Jungle

2009-02-17T14:34:00.004-05:00

*Tam fans herself

PHEW! Who else is with me?

Rhetoricals

2009-02-06T09:39:00.002-05:00

Did I make the wrong decision?

If I eat carrot cake, does it count as a vegetable? And if it does, can I have 3 to 5 servings?

Can I call you Kettle or Black?

Did I get this cold from wiping butts or Britain coughing directly in my face?

Why does Kara from American Idol always wear such god-awful tops?

I've seen you on video dancing and acting goofy but when I'm around why do you seem to be on eggshells?

Is my nose running or bleeding?

When you check out in the 8 items or less aisle, you're usually in a hurry so why do you insist on striking up a conversation with me when I'm trying to figure out if I need cash back and how many cents off a gallon I have?

Is it horribly wrong that I don't care whether you come out of this on top?

When was the last time I had 8 hours sleep?

If I moved south, wouldn't there still be weather issues, but more along the lines of flooding and ice?

If I have a garage sale this summer that includes all of Britain's old clothes and toys, does that definitely seal the deal that I am in fact done having children?

Is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time?

Are you just ignoring me or do you really have that busy of a schedule?

When is my bad karma gonna turn around?

Shameless Plug

2009-01-28T09:17:00.000-05:00

This is so embarrassing but Matt's aunt won't get off my butt until I do this. Could you please go HERE to vote for us? It's the 6th photo. Aunti Sandi needs a superbowl party. You can vote Tuesday AND Wednesday.

Anyone else thinking about going to the MySpace gathering at Oasis tonight? Oh, uh me either.

This Is My Dance Space This Is Your Dance Space

2009-01-21T09:32:00.005-05:00

It's that time of year again, when everyone wants to lose weight. Well, I have something that is going to help. Now you can learn to move like Baby and Johnny, even if you're carrying a watermelon.

Hit Me With Your Best Text

2009-01-19T09:33:00.003-05:00

Check out Kristen's blog for a complete list of my, Alli's and Kristen's texting back and forth during the first two episodes of American Idol. And no, I totally didn't make that House comment. *darts eyes

CAN'T...BREATHE...IRISH...DANCING

2009-01-08T15:10:00.003-05:00

My sister Theresa alerted me to THIS blog from Anne's blog, which I usually DO check out (because I love Anne) but Theresa is cooler and more updated in the blogvironment than I'll ever be. I thought it was really entertaining and some of it I'd not only chuckle at but laugh out loud at (I rarely do this because only attention seeking, crazy people who love Warcraft do that). Then I came to THIS post. I still ache from the five minutes I passed out on the floor from lack of oxygen. It was the smallest little post but it made me cry, hack, wheeze and pee a little. I am not worthy.

Thank you Theresa and Anne. YOU just made MY list.

Resolution Schmezolution

2009-01-02T15:32:00.002-05:00

Really. Why do people do it? Why do they have to make one or two or ten resolutions at the beginning of the year? It's not as if they will ever set the bar low enough to meet them. It's not like they'll even remember, let alone stick to, them come February. And what the hell is it all for? Why does everyone ask if I have any?

Well, you know what! FINE I do have some:

Dear Tam,

1) Read a damn book already...from cover to cover, within 12 months, without forgetting where you left off or who the protagonist is.

2) Drop the dead weight. Stop waiting around for them and their issues and stop feeling guilty about it. "You can't be my friend if you're not my friend." - Harriet The Spy

3) Try some new fucking food already. Stop living off chicken, pasta and salad.

4) You're evil. Stop saying things you wouldn't want said to you.

5) You spend a lot of money on a lot of shit. Cut it out! Britain doesn't need anymore cardigan sweaters.

6) Call your friends more, dumbass. While we're at it, writing used to be a talent of your's. Drop an email.

7) Do you know what you have in Matt? Do you realize how lucky you are? Then stop complaining about stupid shit.

8) Not everyone likes you. Get over it. And stop trying to make sure everyone is having a good time.

9) You're wearing that same shirt out dancing...again?

10) This is your one shot. Britain's going to remember the stupid shit you say to her now that she's 3 1/2. You're shaping your own flesh and blood. And stop treating her worse than the children you nanny. Why do you give all the others a hell of a lot more slack? Love her for her faults as much as for her triumphs because you were just like her; you both just want love and affection.

Happy New Year, Blogosphere!

Not So Lighter Note

2008-12-22T22:46:00.004-05:00

Christmas always makes me think about my Papa because he passed away around this time. I miss him. I miss he and my grandmother together. I miss the whole family getting together every year on Christmas day and visiting each house. Even though I lost him mentally so very long ago to Alzheimer's, when I lost him physically it was by far the most emotional I've ever been in my entire life. I thought my knees would buckle and my stomach would wretch. It took me so long to say my final goodbye. And when I did, I was an uncontrollable, sobbing mess. I'd never felt anything like that. Death makes you question so many things and you really are at it's mercy. Even though I knew it was coming, I wasn't ready by any means.

I still haven't seen his grave with his gravestone. It's not because I can't bear it or that I've stayed away since the funeral for any purpose other than I just haven't visited. It makes me feel really guilty and I hope to get up there someday, maybe with Britain. Sometimes I'm saddened when I hear my dad joking around with her because it's the way my Papa used to joke around with me. But I'm so glad I had the chance to know him and those are memories I'll keep my entire life.

You're Never Satisfied

2008-12-17T23:15:00.005-05:00

More pics to come such as THE XMAS PARTY WITH THE FAM, (We celebrated Jesus already. So?) MATT'S CHANNEL 12 OFFICE PARTY (that's where he works, dumbass) and THE BARBER BALL ('cause we're kind of a big ass deal).

Drunk 'Cause I Wasn't Driving

2008-12-17T22:22:00.009-05:00

Kim's getting hitched Dec 26 to the best thing that's ever happened to her, besides meeting me. Way back in October, we went out for her bachelorette.

We started out at Boardwalk in Wattsburg which is where she and I went to high school ('96) along with her matron of honor, 'Becca ('95). Going out in Wattsburg is like going to the Elm Street Wal-Mart. You're more than likely one of the best looking there and you probably have more teeth.Problem number one: I wasn't driving, 'Becca was.

I was obviously doing karaoke to the dance mix of Total Eclipse Of The Heart. WTF?Stolen from Jillian back at Shelly's wedding but still a classic

Problem number two: I had a pizza the size of my shot glass and expected that to be enough to soak up all the alcohol I was to consume.

Hard Lemonade. Her fiance's name is Mike. Get it? 'Cause she's covering up the lemonade? And he's Mike? Yea, it was funny at the time. We act like we're still in high school when we get together.

We finally met up with her last but not least bridesmaid, her cousin Lisa. We were complete and ready to dance the night away.Problem number 3: Into Boardwalk in Erie we went. I was actually sober at this time and planned on walking out without the help of three other people. 'Becca likes to drink wine when she's out and the only place they were serving it up was in the VIP lounge so that is where we stayed almost the entire time. And since I wasn't driving and barely ate at Boardwalk in Wattsburg, I got HAMMERED. Black-out hammered. Apparently I-was-given-a-lap-dance-and-don't-remember-it hammered. Apparently a-bouncer-was-looking-out-for-my-best-interests hammered. Props to Boardwalk Erie by the way who realized a drunken bridesmaid when they saw one. Thanks for not getting me raped while the bridal party left me up in the VIP lounge when they all had to pee at the same time. Smooches bitches!

And this is Tam watering a parking meter across the street from the police station. It was a good thing no one drew attention to us with a big ass camera flashing away.It was awhile before I drank rum and diet...probably because I had enough on my face to last me awhile. So hot.

I loved how I'm buckled, even piss drunk.

I do feel guilty, as all alcoholics do, that I kind of ruined the night by having to be babysat. We barely danced since the dance floor was down a very steep set of stairs. We went home early, since I couldn't hold myself up or my liquor in. And I came home right as Matt was getting in and he had to pick up the pieces...er chunks. In all honesty, I already threw up everything I had so I just went upstairs and passed out...but still! He had to keep checking if I was breathing. It was no POWERFUL night, but it was enough to get me in trouble.

Just another reminder why I, myself, am so lucky to be married to such a great guy!

Ain't No Party Like A Waterford Party

2008-12-17T21:13:00.006-05:00

These are my gals from Seneca High School (although a few ladies are missing). We occasionally go out to our old stomping grounds and tear up the town, er Borough. This was the day after Halloween so the bar was even more empty than usual. Either way, we didn't care. We did what we wanted and visited every Waterford bar, all 3 of them.

Shelly is naughty. Watch out for this one. Mary just had a baby and breastfeeding def is best!Mary, Shelly, Jillain: "DUDE why are you on the disgusting floor?"

Tam: "Because I'll do anything for a good pic!"Smoke em if you got em Yes, that WAS inside the bar! I KNOW!

I went there. I was all over it.Greatest thing about these girls is that I barely caught a buzz that night (since I had to drive back to E-town) and I always have the best time! It's so nice we pick up right we leave off. Love them!

Past Few Months In Pictures 01

2008-11-09T19:29:00.007-05:00

Her first day of school *SniffleRemember when?

My new ride. Oy! The gas mileage it doesn't get.

HALLOWEEN!!

Falling For Fall

Past Few Months In Pictures 02

2008-11-09T18:42:00.008-05:00

Summer Summer Summertime

........................................ ................................... .......................... Scared of ewe

........... ................... ................. .......... Loves bunnies though

She thought the cow would eat her face off

Our three weeks at the cottage SIGH

Past Few Months In Pictures 03

2008-11-09T12:29:00.019-05:00

Put In Bay, Port Clinton and Sundusky

.............................................FIRST rule of Fight Club

........................................................Owner Joe Sortino...Dude rocked!

............................................................................ Can you spot the two non-Canadians?

Fall From Flawless

2008-10-16T23:02:00.006-04:00

Though there were magical times, my first marriage wasn't all daisies and dancing in parking lots. After it was over there were a lot of things I needed to face up to including my anxiety, my need to control, my self loathing and my fear of failure. By no means have I conquered those demons but it was a huge step in the right direction even to admit my problems and stop blaming everyone/everything else. It was the scariest and most freeing thing I've ever done at the same time. This was years ago and feels even longer. But lately, I feel like I'm turning into that monster. It's horrible to see yourself in such a dark light and even more horrible when others start to notice as well. And I just have to start reminding myself that some of the things I say or do are NOT OK, namely before I say or do them. I guess we all should.

The Old Tam

So we meet again though now you have festered
Crept up on me and I should have known
you'd revisit and pivot and grow oh so stronger
Was foolish to think I'd rid you on my own

Invasive, intrusive, reminded, blindsided
Reflective of mirrors I'd thought broken down
The same but quite different than first we collided
Recollections of habits and horrible sound

Funny how close you've always been standing
Burning down bridges and severing ties
The smell of your fear and issues repugnant
Resembling passages from Jekyll and Hyde

Where were you hiding and why don't you leave
Who the fuck gave you permission to breathe
Feeling secure I was led to believe
I could let down my guard and sanction esteem

I fear they will see you've returned and abandon
Everything I've built up from the ground
I feel like you're spreading beyond restoration
and no medication will deafen the sound

That sound that you hear
while with your own thoughts
or just before drifting
off into the night
That rap at your window
that voice you can't quiet
the one you don't talk about
and would much rather slight

I feel I'm transparent now showing my dark side
I feel it's an utter unstoppable force
Downward spiral can't describe the short fall from flawless
Was just silly to think I deserved so much more

Kid Free Vacation

2008-08-23T14:27:00.005-04:00

I'm leaving tomorrow for a much needed vacation to Cedar Point/Put In Bay with my sister in law, Monica. (Really, what vacation isn't much needed?) So, if I don't answer your phone calls, emails, comments or texts I'm on a jet ski or a 120 mile an hour roller coaster or dead. Check back in with me Friday to clear up the latter.

Monica and I get along pretty well. First of all, I don't really know who she doesn't get along with or who doesn't like her. (The same can be said for Matt.) She's just a cool chick that doesn't let stereotypes or judgements get in the way of getting to know someone. She doesn't trash other women's outfits when we go out just because they wore something a little out of the ordinary, or because they might be a bit chubby. And if she has a strong opinion about something, it's usually pretty damn warranted. We like to do the same things, go the same places and eat the same shit. Of course, there are differences too, but we both except each other for who we are. She joked with me a few months ago that we should probably just get pissed at each other and have our first fight now so it doesn't happen on the trip and ruin the whole thing. I don't know if I could be mad at her if I tried. Jr's pretty lucky. She's even changed him into a better man. This is when the family realized she's definitely a keeper and obviously a genie. And she gets my sarcasm and doesn't second guess every tiny thing I say. If she and I went out and didn't say two words to each other for awhile, she wouldn't assume she did something wrong. That is damn refreshing that we can just chill out somewhere. It's probably because we always have someone or something needing our attention. It's true that having Britain was one of the most rewarding and exceptional things I've ever done. But, especially in my line of work, kids can be a bit wearing.

Even though I warned Matt almost a year ago that she and I would be going away, I think it's finally sinking in this week because he has been SOOO grumpy. Of course this also has to do with the fact that his employer just makes up random shifts for him however they see fit and his sleeping pattern is fucked. On top of that, we haven't been away from each other this long since...well, ever. But absence makes the heart grow fonder, or at least he'll realize how much shit I do around the house and how being with Britain 24/7 is kind of a big deal. Sorry but I don't feel the least bit guilty. I deserve this. I need this. OK, I feel a bit guilty.

And no I haven't packed yet.

I wouldn't call myself a procrastinator, but I DO wait on certain things. One of them is packing or getting ready for something I am really looking forward to doing. When Matt and I went out for the first time, he picked me up and I had been ready for at least a half an hour (not because he was late, but because I was ready way too early). It was EXCRUCIATING! I was constantly checking the mirror, the door, my phone, the channel guide. It felt like an eternity. And my nerves were shot by the time he rang the bell. I need a great sleep tonight since I plan to leave so early. So, really my goal is to be so exhausted from rushing around and packing that I'll fall asleep right next to my luggage, a backwards "Samsonite" tattooed on my face in the morning.
Just know I love you, Babe, and I'll miss you and Brit immensely...for different reasons, of course.

The Good The Bad And The Married

2008-08-13T07:45:00.003-04:00

Monday was our first wedding anniversary. Thank you to the three people that gave me congratulations-on-making-it-one-year-and-thanks-for-making-me-lose-the-pool cards. It was spent uneventfully at a free dinner buffet. We are headed off to Pittsburgh this Friday to celebrate. We're still in love most times but damn it, this year was a roller coaster.

We couldn't celebrate this past weekend of course because it was my cousin Mike's wedding! And I was in it. And our groomsman Jeremy also decided to get married the same day. So we were a busy couple for other reasons.

BACHELORETTE PARTY (bridesmaids and bride, excluding the maid of honor)

.Bridesmaids, bride, maid of honor and a doll in a stroller, excluding me.

.Mike and 'Chelle's wedding was nice (Matt said Jeremy's wedding was nice as well since he actually traveled to both) and I can't believe it's said and done already. But I thought this morning about a list I started to compile in my head, of which I'm sure really has no end, about the good and bad of weddings. Not to say that some of these things didn't happen over the weekend in the wedding, but most of these things are just generally speaking (typing). And it breaks up the pictures.

GOOD

the moment the bride walks down the aisle, open bar, "Shout", the groom right before the ceremony, bachelorette party, chocolate fountains, kids (in the beginning), old people shaking their groove thang, after parties, under 1/2 hour ceremonies, best man speeches that embarrass the groom, being one of the first few tables to eat, pregnant bridesmaids, the kiss, extending the reception, and ex watching you all night, gag photos of the bridal party, Sunday brunch, decorating the car, cake smash, good music/good DJ, wearing a great dress/suit, crashers that are more fun than the actual guests, love revisited, straight from the wedding to the reception (especially if everything is all in one place), group pics, seeing family or friends you actually want to see but don't get to see that often, getting dressed up and it's not a funeral

BAD

weak crowds that never get up and dance or partake in cheesy traditions like hitting the champagne glasses so the bride and groom will kiss, "cha cha" slide or any other lame song where there is line dancing, open bar, morning AFTER the bachelorette party, maid of honorzillas, a long first dance where no one knows the song, not eating the entire day until dinner is served, kids (at the end), hook ups, uncomfortable receiving lines, short receptions, long ceremonies with too many songs/ readings, horrible favors that even the wedding party doesn't understand, being the drunkest asshole on the dance floor, being the most sober, being called out by the priest for naughty/staged pictures, no maid of honor speech, the mic gets passed around the room for random people speeches, food on your outfit, unairconditioned rooms, no one going for the bouquet/garter, going alone, seating chart/name tags, bride or groom fainting/throwing up/drunk/hungover during the ceremony, an ex watching his or her new flame all night, groomsmen that don't smile ONE TIME, boring garter grab, visibly pregnant brides, falling over/on/for someone, getting hit on by a relative, being broke afterwards, shitty pair of shoes that leave a permanent scar, crashers, horrible song requests, bride and groom leaving before it's over (I always HATED that), that its only one to two days

I'm sorry but my Dad totally rocked that yellow shirt!

I Give It....Forever

2008-08-03T21:38:00.007-04:00

This is my cousin Mike and his fiance 'Chelle. They are getting married next Saturday and they were smart enough to ask me to be in the wedding. I thought Mike was the nicest person I had ever known until I met 'Chelle. We had her shower today at my Aunt Marge's. I totally rocked at the games. Suck it!My soon to be cousin, 'Chelle
Totally white trash! She fits in great!

My sister, Theresa, and the chicken she got to take home.

One of the best things about being a bridesmaid in their wedding is that 'Chelle found a dress at Ann Taylor and shoes at Chadwick's for us ladies for only $61 dollars...TOTAL. And she's treating US to a spa day this Thursday. I felt really guilty when I heard she was shelling out all that cash on us so I went ahead and bought her two naughty nighties.

It should be a mighty fine time.

Getting To Know Me More

2008-07-27T21:39:00.005-04:00

"I'm the one who likes gardenia...It's been good, getting to know me more."

Honestly, it was just a moment of weakness, of passing depression. Stop worrying about me people! But seriously, thanks. You know me: I always pick myself right back up.

I had a wonderful time this weekend with the Cleveland Crew. As soon as Kat shares her pictures with me, I will surely share them with you. You're in for a treat.

Still Watching

2008-07-19T16:54:00.004-04:00

Let downs are a usual occurrence for me. I am famous for building something up until it's so huge that not even the most perfect outcome could compare. I'm also famous for only seeing the beautiful, exciting aspects and dismissing the horrible, ugly, gangrene, furry, what-the-hell-is-growing-on-that part. And when it inevitably turns out to be less than perfect, or just damn disappointing, then I'm let down again and a little bit of my positive outlook is gone for good. It seems like in the last few months, I've lost quite a bit though. Sure there are things to still look forward (my cousin's wedding, Pittsburgh Pirates game with Matt and Collective Soul, Cedar Point, Monday mornings) but they all pale in comparison to the doubt, the confusion, the second guessing, the turmoil, the bitterness of a once delicious fruit. It's amazing how some parts of your life can be going so well, and other parts make you want to take up knot tying.

I realize most of you are quite confused. I realize there is a secret life I lead outside of this that most of you aren't privy to. I haven't been able to talk about everything on my blog, it being so public and all. Well, what it boils down to is that this is MY web log, right? I shouldn't have to explain everything. I'm open and honest as the next blogger but I'm not going to spill my guts out on here just to let in even more negativity. And really, who reads a blogger that gives every last boring detail of their life? Just like in relationships and good Lifetime movies, there has to be a bit of mystery or you'll change the channel.

You're here, so you're obviously still watching.

And I'll Karaoke If I Want To

2008-05-18T13:03:00.017-04:00

My birthday was a blast! We started off at the Presque Isle Downs and Casino. We had a whole corner part of the buffet to ourselves. It was great...Thanks MOM!
"Dude, you're going to have to turn 30 too someday."

I think the wait staff was even more excited than I was!
"Is it MY birthday, Mom?"

Then we headed over to The French Quarter for karaoke. This was the nicest crowd you could ever meet. We just took over the bar all rude like and everyone was just happy we were there. I don't know how many birthday shots I had to secretly give away because everyone was so friendly.

We started singing and everything was going great and then technically difficulties occured because of some chick trying to use a fake credit card. They had to shut karaoke down so the managment could straighten shit out over the phone. Of course it was 3 words into my song at the time. It was my birthday and I felt I could sulk if I wanted to.
Waiting....

Then they turned it back on! We don't talk about the cake incident.

What a weekend. What a year. What a life.

30 Is The New 21

2008-05-16T02:14:00.000-04:00

I think some people find it hard to hit the big 3-0. Why? What really is it but just another year older? So, if I don't feel old at 30, when WILL I feel old? I guess it doesn't help that I look 12, or that I'm the baby girl of the family, or that I still slide down slides or that all of my skirts are above the knee. It just always made me wonder why people get depressed about their 30th birthday.

I'm excited, especially since now I can go to Baybreeze, that 30 and over club downtown!

Brit's First Haircut

2008-05-14T20:51:00.002-04:00

Yes, I waited almost three years to get her haircut. I guess I just couldn't let the hair that had been in my womb go until now.

Don't F* With Us

2008-05-05T14:46:00.004-04:00

You should have seen the other guy.

Spring WAS Here

2008-04-28T18:39:00.006-04:00

Last week, the weather was great and I got to take a bunch of pics on Friday. Here are the girls that I nanny (Payton-11, Emily-11, Jane-9, Catherine-8, Julia-8) and Brit pics...yes, Payton is now taller than I.

Jane
Payton
Catherine

Julia
Emily

Biological

2008-04-21T16:43:00.003-04:00

I just happened to stumble upon THIS blog, looking up Jude lyrics of all things. I think she and I may be related in some way. Once in awhile, I have this odd feeling that a person like that could be my long lost cousin, granddaughter, aunt or niece because my mother was adopted and never knew her biological background. It's pretty strange that I entertain the idea of ending up on Maury someday with a long lost relative. "You ARE the half sister!"

I especially liked THIS video, of course.

Target Tantrum

2008-03-23T22:49:00.003-04:00

This is the dress that Britain had a tantrum in Target about when I tried to put it back on the rack because I wanted the beautiful, flowered Laura Ashley look-a-like dress. HUMPH!! She may have won the battle...BUT NOT THE WAR!!

5 Things I Recently Learned

2008-03-10T10:09:00.003-04:00

My father can drive down I79 for 10 miles at 55 miles an hour in 85 mile an hour winds and zero visibility with a flat tire while trying to play it off to my grandmother that it's just "ice on the tires". While I realize my father used to be an amateur race car driver, I still can't believe he didn't kill us.

It's time to stop the insanity. Just because you buy veggie chips and low fat ice cream doesn't mean you should eat them for dinner, and JUST them for dinner, and pay for it the entire evening, and eventually lose your dinner.

After this past snow storm, I am so glad I kept my car for another winter because my 10 year old Buick can beat out brand sparkling new ones in the snow. I blew past other idiots stuck at intersections because I NEEDED to go to that benefit with the Chinese auction! Alas, I didn't make it to the Kohl's power hour.

Playing Wii Sports will make you realize you're too old to start a boxing career.

There are still some really great people in this world, like my neighbor who went around to all our houses and snowblowed after the plow trapped us all in our driveways.

LOVE HIM

2008-02-23T12:09:00.006-05:00

LOVE HIM LOVE HIM LOVE HIM The most underrated idol contestant. All girls must leave besides Syesha and Danny (because I just like to watch what he does next, but please stop wearing such tight pants). Carly deserves her moment. We all know the plus sized model, Joanne, was robbed. Michael may take the whole thing. And David C. needs to get the hell out. Is it possible to hate and love American Idol and Big Brother all in one season? Why, yes. Yes it is.

Happy Birthday Baby

2008-02-23T08:58:00.008-05:00

I took Matt to a surprise location for his birthday which falls on Valentine's Day (notice the candle on that dessert). It killed Matt that he knew nothing about the evening. I gave him very little hints...only that we were going to dinner and no one going with us had ever been there. He guessed a McDonald's in Buffalo, a random gas station and a new Friendly's that opened up that we didn't know about. I found a write up on a new winery in Ripley, NY called Quincy Cellars. They have only a handful of wine on their wine list, but they are also a restaurant and hold something called a wine maker's dinner about once a month. It is a four course meal for only $45 a person, The best value is that with every meal, you are given a different (sometimes HEAPING) glass of Quincy Cellar's wine. The menu is always different and every morsel is made in house (nothing boxed or prepackaged) and collected from local grocery stores or fruit markets. The winemaker is indeed the chef and surprisingly, just opened the place less than a year ago. I say surprisingly because the eatery was filled. I half expected to walk in there with one other couple and that was it. It's wonderful to see such a nice guy doing so well. He comes out and talks to you before every course and gives you a bit of the background on Quincy Cellars. Quincy Cellars used to be a barn that they renovated into the winery, original exposed beams and all. It's all very open and contemporary. The downstairs tasting area is even more beautiful with stone walls and dark wood. I think I would have taken more pictures if Matt weren't already embarrassed enough that everyone knew it was his birthday.We went with Matt's mother and brother, Brad since his father was out of town. The entire thing was 2 1/2 hours, but there was barely a lull. We had a great time, great conversation and I'd recommend it to anyone. They also do rehearsals, parties, etc. Or if you're ever near the NY/PA state line, you should check it out.

2008-02-04T07:49:00.000-05:00

I was looking back at old pictures for the last post and I found some of me close to Brit's age. I think she may have a little bit more from me than just my blood type.

Growth And Reflection

2008-02-04T06:57:00.000-05:00

Well, this is the year I and all of my friends from high school turn 30. We went out over the weekend for Jeannette's birthday in Erie for .75 cent shots and $1.00 drinks. It's really amazing to think back on when we all first met 18 years ago. Some of my best friends in high school were some of my least favorite people in grade and middle school, but we quickly formed our group and stayed pretty well in touch since.

Matt's 27th birthday is coming up on Valentine's Day. He and I had a discussion today about birthdays and growing older and such. He hates being reminded he's getting old. He can't stand the fact that it will all inevitably end and that every day you're one more day older than the day before. I, on the other hand, embrace the fact that I know a little bit more today than yesterday. I like to think about me at age 40 or 60 and what I might accomplish, where I may be, how many vacations I may take, what Britain will look like and act like and which people she will choose to surround herself. I love to think of Matt and I all old and comfy and taking trips to out of the way places because we've seen everything else. I hope I'm happy and the triumphs well outweigh the tragedy. I hope I'm still the life of the party and the one friend you still talk to. I hope I'm just as excited about growing older with grace.
And I hope my friends and I are still all celebrating our milestone birthdays.

Tam And A Haircut

2008-01-24T22:09:00.000-05:00

No my cat didn't die (yet). My hair was stolen. I thought I was alright with change, but apparently that is not the case. The main problem is that it takes double the amount of time to grow my hair back than it does for you. And I'm in my cousin's wedding in August.

Oh well. There are worse things...like how much sleep I'm not getting or how my secrets are giving me wrinkles.

Ahh the memories. Look how happy I am here. Actually it just looks like I'm wearing a wig in all of these pictures.

So, what's the last mistake that YOU made?

On Impulse

2008-01-24T10:41:00.000-05:00

I cut my hair.

I am not a fan...especially when it's curly.

I will post pictures soon.

I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't laugh at me.

Some Email Excerpts

2008-01-13T22:04:00.000-05:00

Here are some highlights from some emails I've sent and received over the past few years in no partictular order or preference.

"I am unfamiliar with the Lipton Chai Latte but other than I am sure it is swimming in sugar, it sounds like a winner. Don't forget Diet Cherry Coke, it's like dessert. Coke just does everything better. If I had a baby, I would so let Coke raise it because they are more prepared than I am. Plus they have Kate Beckinsale and Adrian Brody in their commercials, not lamos like Carson Daly and whooors like B. Spears."

-Kristen Bloeser

"About the 'fat chick daughter'. I was giving her a bath last night (hadn't had one in weeks) and I was looking at her adorable thighs. They look so edible. Roll after roll of sweetness and Im remembering how we couldn't even leave the hospital with the newborn clothes I had bought for her. Matt's mom had to buy a preemie outfit. Hell, we had to put her in preemie for the first month and 1/2. I think she's sneaking food, Kristen. She hides it in her bassinet. And this spitting up is her form of guilt. She is bulimic...and two months old."

-Tammy Ames

"The spare room is still really well kept up so we can put you guys in there on the air mattress. Also because of the set up you can now look at internet porn/watch tv while on the bed."

-Kristen Bloeser

"While I was writing that last email, I was feeding Britain, playing Go Fish with Jane, playing Sorry with Payton and tying Catherine's shoes so I didnt have time to "flesh it out" (the email). Now I hope you understand."

-Tammy Ames

"Dude, why would you need to hold a bucket for him. Uh uh. No. If you are drunk enough to make yourself puke, you hold your own damn busket. Ray created one out of his trouser pants Tam. Matt can surely aim and puke."

-Kristen Bloeser

"I think I am falling in love with the little high schooler from Beautiful People. What is this attraction to younger men? And what happens when I'm 50 and still feel this way? 'Hey Brit. Nice Beau!' Of course there are
also strange crushes such as Jeremy Piven and Michael Keaton (Pacific
Heights, not Beetlejuice)."
-Tammy Ames

"At least Britain doesn't climb up your body pressing all her weight on her
little hands and then lick you awake. Thank god for the small things Tam."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Your burnt meatloaf is proably comparable to the best meatloaf I could ever cook, only better."
-Tammy Ames

"And we both know I am no beauty, but I am adorable when I wash my face and comb my hair. And luckily my laugh is much less jarring when the rest of the room is laughing with you."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Would it seriously be tacky to take an eight month pregnant lady to the strip club? Because it could be kind of fun really."

-Kristen Bloeser

"You're asking the 8 month along pregnant woman who, over the weekend, walked into Wines and Spirits to buy two bottles of wine and a fifth of vodka if it would be tacky to hang out at a strip club? Hmm"

-Tammy Ames

"I told him that it seems like we are living completely different lives sometimes - we jsut happen to be doing it in the same apartment."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Tell Matt I miss his warm body at night and tell the rice baby to hurry and get out already - or really stay in. I really don't care either way. I mean if you're still pregnant in like eight years, frankly I'm going to get a bit suspicious."

-Kristen Bloeser

(While I was pregnant)
"I didnt eat breakfast this morning, so by the time it was noon, I felt like I could faint in the easter aisle at WalMart and dirty up their pretty little floor with my numerous fluids. Jeannette and I decided on Bob Evans, and while it was no Barbatos feast, I thought I could eat the entire left page of their menu and ordered as such. I ended up having a bowl of oatmeal and hot chocolate while bringing the rest home for Matt. Hes like my own little puppy. 'OOH whats in the doggy bag? BACON!'"

-Tammy Ames

"Even though I just ingested a ranchero chicken soft taco, a snacker from KFC, a Butterfinger crunch bar and a bag of m&m's, Bob Evans sounds good."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Honestly though, as gross as it would be to conceive it, you have to admit that a little half puppy baby would be quite cute."

-Kristen Bloeser

(This makes me laugh uncontrollably every time I read it)
"We aren't going to have ham salad sandwiches though are we? Because apparently Carrie had those at her bridal shower and my mom said it was disgusting. Oh who am I kidding? I love ham salad sandwiches!"

-Kristen Bloeser

"I really want to see Constantine so I wish you wouldn't front on him dog. I am with you on the Idol tip though. Constantine has this nasty fat double chin and he looks like a lizard. I keep expecting him to stick his tongue out or shoot liquid out of his nostrils. I don't have a favorite yet, but I like Vonzell and Aloha. I feel like I should supprt Scott Savol and he has a good voice, but I'm not sure what his attitude is all about. I too enjoy to Bo Bice very much. I hope you regretted not standing in line with me for American Idol tryouts last year. We could have been something Tam. *sigh*

-Kristen Bloeser

"I keep thinking about how Matt said the next time you guys saw us we would have another puppy. I think that's because he thought we would have him by Christmas and not because he didn't want to see us until March when we will actually get the new dog right?"

-Kristen Bloeser

"I totally have dreams that are bad about Ray and feel no shame in taking it out on him when I wake up. Ray's favorite thing to do is have what he perceives to be a funny dream, wake me up by laughing hysterically in his sleep, and then when I ask what is so funny, proceed to tell me the dumbest dream ever. I think he once dreamed about a yard sale and he felt this was the funniest thing he had ever dreamed."

-Kristen Bloeser

"Pomme Frite arrived on Saturday. We had a wedding Friday night and didn't get home until 2:30 and got up the next morning at 8:00 so I was pretty exhausted after the two and a half hour drive to get him. When she got out of the car she had this towel draped over her shoulder and I thought there was no way he was that small, but he was. I totally broke down like a bitch. I started crying hysterically and did that embarrasing sob/hiccup. I think Ray would have gotten a little misty if I hadn't made such an ass of myself. Mostly you could tell that he was just embarrassed for me. Anyways, despite the fact that he isn't house trained, he is the most adorable boy I've ever seen after Ray and certainly the most adorable whose entire body is covered in hair. He is so small and delicate that I worry he will spontaneously die, but I'm trying not to think about that sort of thing."

-Kristen Bloeser

"We get our puppy tommorow. Ray said this morning that he dreamt he fell asleep and Pomme Frite was sleeping on his chest. Ray is a HOMO!!"

-Kristen Bloeser

"Gotta go to the bathroom. Tell Matt I was thinking of him. Not when I'm in the bathroom, but just in a general sort of way. I mean like friendly and stuff, not weird or gross. Like when I think of you and what kind of stuff you might be doing. But not in a sexual way, just like what you're eating. I mean not like eating cock or anything - look just forget it."

-Kristen Bloeser

(Why she has such a popular blog)
"When I was talking to my mom the other day, she was trying to play it all cool like she wasn't so excited about the wedding. She's like, 'Yeah, so it should be a pretty good time I guess.' Then she asked if Ray was going to dance with her at the wedding. I said probably but he may be drunk by the time we start dancing and he gets frisky so she'd have to watch his hands. So last night I finally get around to talking to Ray (I don't know if you
have this problem with Matt, but even though I live with Ray, I don't always have a lot of time with him, what with sleeping and watching tv and stuff, so I can go days without telling him things I meant to talk to him about.) and I tell him my mom asked if he would dance with her and stuff. So he gets all quiet, and he asks if really has to dance with her. And I'm
like, only if you want to, no ones going to force you, but I'm surprised
because its not like my mom wanted him to make out with her and whatever. So I tell him that my mom's a really funny dancer and does the chicken wing and stuff. And he gets this really relieved look on his face and is like, 'Oh, just dance with her -Thank God. I didn't want to have to be in some spotlight dance.' I don't know what the hell he's talking about. He says that he thought it would be like announced, like, 'And now the mother of the groom will dance with the groom's sister's boyfriend.' And I just look at him and ask if he seriously thought that's what I meant and he says yes. Sometimes I wonder if Ray isn't just a little bit retarded."

-Kristen Bloeser

"I am writing partly because I had a dream about you, (usually my dreams
result in the person being dead. ie. . .I dreamt about Captain Kangaroo last
year and found out 2 days later that he had died)."

-Jillian Hirst

"Just so you know, I had 5 new email messages (this is a lot for me since my filter is so damn high) and I read your's first. This is how much you mean to me, or at least how much you interest me with your tales of sexual endevors and mindless musings."

-Tammy Ames

"Note: this email was hand written on tuesday, 10/18 and transcribed to
electronic form (email) on wednesday, 10/19."
-Jillian Hirst

"I know blawblaw balw, you have a baby Hows post partum treating you?"

-Jillian Hirst

"Do you know of anyone in Erie what delivers singing telegrams? or dresses up in a gorilla suit to deliver flowers? Are you available? 'Why' you ask?"

-Jillian Hirst

(This number was hidden for the privacy of said quoter.)
"p.s. my top secret, tam only, phone number is: 814-XXX-XXXX. although i could of left the 814 part off, i looked at a photo i took of you and saw that you are in fact blonde. and went to seneca."

-ron richardson

5 Things You Should Know

2008-01-08T15:47:00.000-05:00

ONE
The Erie Blogger Misfits are meeting up tonight at Patrick's Restaurant in Harborcreek starting at 7PM. I think my brother Jr is coming so watch us fight over which one of us Mom loves more.

TWO
Three new little girls will be entering the world today around 5PM via Cesarean section.

THREE
Watch Paranormal State on A&E or miss out on the creepiest thing since Ghost Hunters.

FOUR
Flax Seed is the new Black.

FIVE
The last time Erie was this warm was back in 1937. We've set a record high today.

The New Year's Eve Classic

2008-01-03T11:55:00.000-05:00

I had a pretty good vacation. How's 'bout you? The chicks I nanny go away for Christmas so I have a good two weeks off every year for the holiday season. The last few years have been so busy with splitting our time up between family parties and events that I haven't had the chance to plan anything out of town during my Christmas vacation in quite awhile. But Matt and I DID manage to head up to Buffalo, NY for New Year's Eve and The Winter Classic on New Year's Day with our friends Mark and Mary. The best thing about Mark and Mary is how laid back they are. We could change our plans at the drop of a hat and they'd be all for it. I wish I were more like that.

New Year's Eve was fun. We took a detour on the way to Buffalo and stopped off at the Seneca Allegany Casino in Salamanca, NY. It was like the casino in Erie, but much prettier. It didn't look like they took a week to build it and they had these fancy things called escalators. I lost 10 of my 40 dollars in one hour. Uh, that part sucked but the rest was nice. Then we headed off to our hotel in Hamburg, NY to eat and pretend to be locals with my huge camera around my neck.

We drove around and around Hamburg after getting turned away at the most popular restaurant in Hamburg. If we didn't have Mark's GPS, we would have been eating the free Chex Mix from the hotel for our fancy New Year's Eve dinner. I named the GPS woman Annabelle because she sounded beautiful and led us to the best rip off of Dave and Buster's I've seen: The Warehouse. It was a really nice bar/restaurant with 1/4 of the establishment being an arcade with basketball, airhockey, videogames, etc. We stayed for awhile, our food was awesome (and was really TWO dinners) but our waitress sucked. How someone gets a "rum and diet" mixed up with a "tequila and diet" is beyond me but for some reason I was punished the entire night for calling her out on it. No matter!

Then Annabelle led us to The Pourhouse! It was really fun and we felt very welcomed. They were giving out free NYE stuff so we decided to ring it in there. One of the greatest parts was when I offered to buy the first round and tried to pay with my credit card. The bartender (who didn't get one order wrong, even throwing four complicated drinks at her all at once!) said I'd have to start a tab because it's a 10 dollar minimum to charge. FOUR drinks and I wasn't even near 10 bucks. So great! In fact, my entire tab that night was only 20.50! The four of us ended up back in our hotel room for a champange toast and off to bed. No partner swapping, porn scene ensued.

We got up for The Winter Classic. It was freezing but awesome and really, once in a lifetime experience. I'm so glad we went. The Penguins won and the Sabres fans were so pissed, they set a dumpster on fire. Getting out of the parking lot was ridiculous. It took two hours to move from our parking spot. Thankfully, it was five minutes from our parking spot to the highway. Plus, we had our leftovers from The Warehouse in the trunk...or we would have died. The weather on the way home was horrendous and I was scared for my life, but we made it...and it was all worth it.

Happy Holidays

2007-12-23T15:04:00.000-05:00

Another year over and a new one just begun.

Because You're Probably Bored

2007-12-14T08:52:00.000-05:00

UPDATE! Sorry, I didn't realize I had a repeat link for the "green tea" one. Fixed now.

New Best Of Craigslist:

Rant

Green Tea From Hell

Ghostly

There are more here but I don't have the time to filter it all for you, so enjoy. And here is the other post about Best Of Craigslist.

Child Abuse

2007-12-13T21:20:00.000-05:00

I know there's a child abuse hotline for kids who get knocked around by their parents, but who do I call when my kid beats on ME? "Better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why." You can tell at the end of the video she's already trying to apologize and asking me not to leave her.

December Erie Blogger Meetup

2007-12-11T11:12:00.000-05:00

The misfits are meeting tonight at 7PM at Romolo's: 1525 W 8th St, Erie PA, or you know, 8th and Bayfront. They have really good chai there...and isn't as pretentious as Starbuck's. So, join us. We need new faces! Most of the boys talk about computer stuff and RPG's while most of the chicks talk about recipes and reality tv. So don't be too scared off if you don't know a thing about HTML. I can barely blog this in a different color.

Also, tonight's theme is charity. So, you can bring a non perishable item for the Food Bank if you like, or look like an asshole. Your choice.

I'm thinking about heading over to Greengarden Tavern afterwards for some atery clogging. Join me there after if you're too cool for the Blogger Meetup.

Happy Birthday, Kristen

2007-12-04T22:00:00.000-05:00

When I first met you, I was afraid of you. I thought you were going to hate me and Patrick had built you up so much that I thought you would dismiss me as just your brother's girlfriend. I don't remember you being impressed with me at all and my fear had come true. You were a mystery to me besides what Patrick had clued me in on and I wanted so very badly to start talking to you at a mile a minute to gain any information I could.

I remember the first time that I wished we could be friends. I had read a story you wrote about a girl who had just committed suicide and what her last foggy, hazy thoughts were. It was amazing and I was so out of your league. I saw you at Christmas and sporadic holidays until you moved out of the apartment with Ray and we decided to move in together.

I barely knew you but it was one of the best things I've ever done for my maturity, for my sanity. It taught me so many things. YOU taught me so many things. Who knew I'd learn how to cook even the simplest things (fucking rice)? Who knew Showtime had soft porn? Who knew I'd learn that having a guy in your life at all times ISN'T the best way for a relationship to thrive? The reason we fought so much then is because there were so many things I wasn't willing to let go of or admit to. There were so many times you called me out on my issues and insecurities that I retaliated the only way I knew how, like a child who only knew how to throw a tantrum. It really improved the relationships I had then and led me to realize the weak, damaging relationships I now no longer have.

When Patrick and I separated, I thought I lost you for good. I'll never forget the call you made to me telling me everything would be alright, how it would get better every day from then on and how you'd be in the very next weekend to console me and make me half-done brownies. Among some other very important people in my life, you were one of the ones to really help me through the bout of depression I fell into. It meant so much for so many reasons.

I can't tell you how fast I drive every time I come and visit. It always seems like forever since I saw you last. I can't tell you how many times I think of you during my mindless, monotonous day. You would have enjoyed that horrible pair of pants that chick was wearing or the way that man was chewing his salad. You might have backed me up in that fight or went shopping with me for KY jelly. I'd have a dancing partner every weekend. I'd have a voice of reason to bring me back down to reality. I'd have day trips to places like intercourse, PA and we could start our own restaurant review column.

But then again, though I don't think it's nearly the right ratio of Kristen to non-Kristen time, I would be afraid to live closer to you. It's amazing how we pick up where we left off, but maybe that's because it's always really great between us. There's no overkill. There's hardly any agitation. And we can talk for hours because we don't talk every day. We have a long distance relationship that actually works.

Plus, we both really like reality TV.

I love you. Happy Birthday.

Proof I Have The Best Commenters

2007-12-03T03:27:00.000-05:00

No Dreamhouse

Nostalgia

Knee-knocking

No middle finger yet

Now I get it

Namely peanut butter

And I just personally liked this whole month of posts. Enjoy your Monday.

A Cat In The Spat

2007-12-03T00:33:00.000-05:00

This is from The Best Of Craig's List. I rarely laugh out loud at the computer because that is for crazies or attention seekers, but this made me do just that. THIS was pretty good too, especially the first line. And THIS one I wish I would have composed.

Finding Things To Do

2007-12-01T11:12:00.000-05:00

I uploaded 2 short little videos of Britain singing Walking On Sunshine on my MySpace. I love when she says "good" It's more like "duhd"

So THAT'S What's In There

2007-11-27T08:17:00.000-05:00

This is funny and kind of yucky but not for the kids. I like the glowing "G" on the wall.

Two Drink MAXIMUM

2007-11-25T09:23:00.000-05:00

Love means not being pissed off when you are made to leave after only the first set of a band you waited months for to come to your hometown because your mate was plastered.

Actual quote from Friday night. "Don't kiss me. It's making me even more sick."

First Sleepover

2007-11-25T08:01:00.000-05:00

I watched my brother's children on Black Friday. It was much better than fighting the crazies at Wal Mart. It turned out to be Britain's first time having someone sleepover! I have always been sensitive to the fact that Britain is an only child and that most only children have that spoiled, rotten brat stigma. Well, guess what? It's true.

I can't tell you how many times Britain manhandled Kaitlyn (who will be 4 in December) or took one of her toys away from Aubri. I was disgusted. When she's around the girls at work, they give her everything she asks, anything she even hints at wanting. Catherine, the youngest, will be 8 in January so Britain never really gets to play with children close to her age, never has to share her toys, her highchair, her blankets. I really hope she grows out of this.

Fast forward a year from now and I'm called almost daily by her teacher because she's given another preschooler a black eye.

Why I'm Home Schooling Britain

2007-11-14T09:10:00.000-05:00

I am sick from this take on Columbine released back in 2003. Please do not blame me if you watch it. Please do not show this with children in the room.

Erie Blogger Meetup

2007-11-12T20:47:00.000-05:00

Erie Blogger Meetup: Tuesday 7 PM at BrewErie

Like, Gag Me With A Spoon

2007-11-12T13:32:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went to Michelle's (my sister's) house for her candle party. She is selling these amazing candles from Gold Canyon Company. (My favorite is Timber Ridge which smells like mountain air while getting a massage.) I actually threw a party a few weeks ago and the only people that seemed to show up to Michelle's party were the people that came to MY party. Such a shame. They missed out on the best dip and desserts known to woman.

So, after everyone leaves, Michelle and I get on her computer and start playing a game she found on MSN Games. Yes, that's Martha Quinn! It is so addicting that I looked up only once to see that we had been playing for 3 hours. WARNING: If you download this and quit the game, you'll more than likely end your free trial. My advice? Wait till you get home and have dinner cooked, no TV shows to watch and hours to kill. Just minimize (IF YOU DARE) the game if you have to go pee, change your kid or let your dogs out. This way, you can play the free trial for years! I feel I should add that if you turn off your computer, this will also end your free trial. You're welcome, Mom. We then felt all 80's again and got out her Fairview High School, Class of '88, yearbook and tried to mimic some classic poses. (Yes, we don't age in our family and Michelle looks exactly like her Senior picture.)

This is our impression of some of the moves Martha Quinn has when you answer a question correctly.

Thanks to Lori for being patient with us and taking about quadruple the amount of pictures shown here. I had a really great time and didn't leave there until after midnight. NO, of course Britain wasn't still awake. *Clears throat.

New Pics

2007-11-07T12:49:00.000-05:00

I added some more pictures from the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, wedding and honeymoon (Sorry, no X-rated) HERE at MySpace. They are some off of my own camera.

November? Really?

2007-11-03T14:46:00.000-04:00

Wow, I can't believe October is over. I can't believe the snow will be flying soon. I can't believe LOST isn't on yet.

Here are some pictures from Halloween. During the day, we went to the girl's school to watch the parade and crashed Julia and Catherine's second grade party. Halloween night was spent at my parent's. Jane was a Pink Lady.Catherine was a winter princess. Julia was a piece of candy corn, candy corn ribbon included.We got pulled in from the hallway for this picture. I feel like my child already goes to this school sometimes because I know so many other mothers.At work. The gals just before they went Trick Or Treating. Payton was a Nittany Lion. Can't you just HEAR that sound effect!?

This is Britain's favorite place to be. She loves her girls.

She RAN over to this Tigger, but she didn't say "Trick or Treat" or "Thank you" the entire night. I can't figure out her shyness. Sometimes when we're in a restaurant, she'll chat up the people behind us all evening. Other times, some nice old lady will try to get just one smile out of Britain and she looks as if she wants to give her the finger. I hope she grows out of it. My father is 6'3". Britain...is not. Like Britain, my dad also wore the same costume as last year. Go figure.This is all I have to post because I haven't really done much lately. Ladies night with Kristen and the Ohio crew will more than likely be my next post. Can't wait!

I Hope You All Get A Piece

2007-10-31T10:24:00.000-04:00

Happy Halloween! We always go to Mason Farms around Halloween every year. This is the place I worked at as a tour guide before I became a nanny. We had a good time and she never let that pumpkin go...even when she threw a temper tantrum in the store while we were in line to pay.

She was really into character here at my Grandma's. Her apartment complex holds a Trail Of Treats. Look at that "you can't be in our squad" perfection!I don't think she's ever even had a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, but if she's given a choice of candy, she'll always pick out that. Maybe she likes orange?

Matt and I went to Zoo Boo last week with Britain, my grandma and his parents. She wore the same costume she wore last year because she finally grew into it and because I'm cheap. I also don't know how to sew a new one. GET OFF MY BACK! Brit and my grandma.

Britain and "Mimi", Matt's mom as if you couldn't tell.

Well, have a nice night. It should be gorgeous if you live in the tri-state area. And remember, if you get older trick-or-treaters at your doorstep, give them a little candy...because they probably have eggs in the car if you don't.

Get Your Own!

2007-10-22T16:09:00.000-04:00

If you like chocolate covered cherries, you won't be able to stop eating Hershey Kisses Chocolate Covered Cherry Cordials. OH MY! These are the kind of candies you buy, pretending you'll hand them out for Halloween and instead hide them in the back of the refrigerator until Nov. 1, while sneaking a few every night until then, of course. THESE ARE SO DELICIOUS! They have this nice surprise in the middle: truffle like, not Gusher like. They dry your tears and settle your arguments and you barely realize you're with that ass ugly guy who wouldn't change a diaper if he was wearing it himself.

The One Who Used To Beat Me Up

2007-10-16T14:31:00.000-04:00

My brother, Stephen, has a blog now. Just thought I'd mention it so you can check it out. It should be some good material.

How I GAINED Ten Pounds In Two Months

2007-10-09T09:32:00.000-04:00

So, I remember when I was a tween and played outside all the time. I rode my bike 2 miles everyday to see my best friend. I swam and hiked and played Ninja Turtles. I was an active chick.

Fast forward 18 years and here I am, sitting at the computer writing about how much time I sit on my ass watching television. Here goes:

Four Favorite TV Shows

The Wonder Years

If you're a loyal IWIWC reader, then I don't have to remind you of my unhealthy crush on Fred Savage. Some things you just don't grow out of feeling. So, it isn't surprising that I DVR this show every weeknight. (ION, 10 and 1030) If you watched it as a kid, it will take you back.

LOST

I realize this is cliche', but I'm sorry. LOST is one of the best television shows on right now...ok, it's not on right now. It won't be on for a few months, and it's killing me.

Journeyman

Until LOST comes back, this show will definitely do! When the first episode aired, I was all by myself in the living room and the only words I spoke were at the end. Said in a breathy, teary tone: "That's awesome." Enough said.

Freaks And Geeks

This show was short lived. Like Undeclared, this show had a lot to do with Judd Apatow. Before Anchorman, 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up, Judd had some really great projects that barely got noticed because he hadn't made it huge yet. The greatest thing about him is that he is really dedicated to his work, young and old. The Freaks and Geeks box set is covered in Judd. It could have been even more beautiful if people actually watched it when it aired.

Which brings me to the next category. I don't get out to the theater much to watch movies. The last movie I saw was Superbad (SO good!) and the movie before that was Ladybugs. No, seriously. I see movies. Granted, they are mostly while working so I have an excuse that I saw Hayden Panettiere in Racing Stripes. But I don't exactly see all the movies I want, especially in the theater. So thanks to cable, namely TBS, I can watch my favorites again and again.

Films I Could Watch Over And Over

The Dangerous Lives Of Alter Boys

A) Kieran Culkin
B) Jena Malone
C) Emile Hirsch
There are so many great scenes in this movie. I can't believe this was an independent. I mean, I can because it's brilliant. Didn't get the publicity it deserved. "Father Casey: Jesus H Christ!
Tim: What does the H stand for Father?"

The Sweet Hereafter

This movie really surprised me. I think this happens a lot with me. If I come into it thinking it's going to suck and it really REALLY doesn't, then it makes more of an impression on me than say, A Beautiful Life, which I knew would be amazing. The Sweet Hereafter is also a novel, but I haven't read it. This movie has so much beauty and sadness and betrayal all wrapped up in a tiny little ball of artsy. And it has the scariest fucking school bus accident I've yet to see. I usually wait awhile in between viewings, but I can watch it again and again. "I've done everything the loving father of a drug addict is supposed to do. I've sent her to the best hospitals; she's seen all the best doctors. It doesn't matter. Two weeks later she's on the street. New York, Vancouver, Pittsburgh, Toronto, L.A. The next time I hear from her, it's a phone call scamming for money. Money for school, or money for a new kind of therapist, or money for a plane ticket home. 'Oh Daddy, just let me come home...Please, Daddy, I have to see you...' But she never comes home. I'm always at the airport, but she's never there. Ten years of this, ten years of these lies, of imagining what happens if I don't send the money, of kicking down doors and dragging her out of rat-infested apartments, of explaining why that couldn't be my daughter in a porn flick someone saw...well, enough rage and helplessness, and your love turns to something else...it turns to steaming piss."

Vice Versa

You obviously know the main reason. But there are other reasons too: Judge Reinhold, the silliness, the fact that I watched it when it first came out, on a VHS player that loaded from the top. "You too, Tuna Breath!"

IT

I love to be scared. I love horror movies. I have a huge fear of clowns. Although this is a cheesy version of the book by Stephen King, it is still something I could watch over and over. There are personal reasons too. My friends and I all saw the original airing over 3 or 4 nights. We had all read the book prior and thought our opinions mattered more because of it. We'd have a meeting in study hall to discuss our likes and dislikes and make fun of John Boy and his mole. "You seen a fat kid run on by here? Big fat kid, all messed up."

Igby Goes Down

I'm sorry, but I could not leave this one out. This is by far my most favorite movie, which probably explains a lot. "Our father would be a 'slippery when schizophrenic' sign, for instance..."

Well, consider me done with this strain of Memes! On to thank you cards I have yet to complete.

An Apron And Nothing Else

2007-10-04T14:56:00.000-04:00

I didn't really start cooking until after I met Matt. I think the main reason was that I was scared I couldn't do it. I'm not saying my meals were perfection right out of the gate, but I did figure out I wasn't half as bad as I thought after only a few tries. Cooking for me is not enjoyable every day. I think it's tedious, boring and ridiculous that I don't have a prep cook. I'm happier making dinner 5 out of 7 nights a week or less. But I have come to appreciate the art of food more. And I love to try different takes on a recipe to suit to my own taste. One thing you could complain about my cooking is that it is usually bland, in that I don't use a lot of butter or other fatty ingredients. But I am embracing cooked onions, Italian dressing (low fat) and soy sauce for different flavors. I do feel bad for Matt sometimes, but overall at least we aren't eating out the way we used to.

Four Of My Favorite Foods

Salad

I think a great salad can be breakfast, lunch or dinner. Sometimes, a salad can fill me up through the entire next meal. I love vegetable in general, but when they are all hanging out on a bed of romaine, it's even more delicious. In restaurants, they seem to have only low fat or full fat dressing, so normally I go for a naked salad. One of the best additives I put in my salad are sunflower seeds or pine nuts. I could eat salad everyday as long as I had some variety for ingredients.

Bread

I love all types of bread. In fact, I can't think of a bread that I don't like. If I had to give up bread or Diet Coke, the Coke would have to go. I have been known to eat plain bread if someone was serving something I didn't like. When I was little, I had an addiction to plain bread and I was told not to eat it anymore that day. Of course, this was impossible for me and I was whacked on the ass for it later. The best part of my sub is the bread. I've taken home the free rolls they give you on your table. I would rather eat pizza crust that the slice itself. And Dr. Atkins can kiss my plain white ass.

Chicken

I love chicken because it's easy to cook, it's not red meat, and it goes well with so many dishes. It's pretty likely that I can tell you who has good chicken and who doesn't, whether in a restaurant or grocery store. When Giant Eagle has a BOGO free sale on boneless chicken breast, I usually come out of there with 8 to 10 packages. Sometimes I go back later in the week before the sale is over. About 80% of my dishes have chicken in them, so again I feel bad for Matt since he is a steak kind of guy.

Pasta

Like chicken, it goes with so many things. You can bake it, boil it, refry it, smother it, under cook it and eat it cold. You can't go wrong with pasta. Personally, I hate my noodles broken and the sound it makes when it's curling around your fork (like the sound they make when zombies are eating brains in horror movies), but there are really no other drawbacks to pasta. I do have a problem with serving size with this food, but with whole wheat it's not so bad.

Chocolate

Since pasta and bread are basically the same thing, I thought I'd add a fifth food that could not be left out of my favorites. I think chocolate is equally from heaven and hell. If you gave me a bug covered in chocolate, I would eat it. Actually, what could you possibly add chocolate to and make worse? I rest my case.

When I Grow Up

2007-10-03T07:44:00.000-04:00

Alright. I can't help it, but some of the fill ins just don't really apply to me or I've already talked about them. My four favorite colors, I feel, was already covered with the explanation of pink so I decided to make up a new one (again).

Four Other Professions I Could Have Worked In

I'm not one for regrets, but if I was to have gone to college straight out of high school, I think I could have majored in a few different areas.

Child Psychology

I've always found Psychology interesting. The way human beings, on a whole, act or feel or fuck up always amazed me. It seems like my friends are always coming to me with their problems. I don't think I give them advice more than I let them talk out their issue with something until they can wrap their head around it. And I can keep a lot of secrets. But as far as being a psychologist, there are too many crazy people in this world, so I would incorporate my love for children into this profession and just focus on helping kids. The drawback to this job would probably be the really crazy children that I couldn't help, no matter how hard I tried. And the fact that they may find out where I live.

School Nurse

I'm pretty good at knowing when the girls are faking their illnesses, so I'd be great at this. Plus, my school nurse was awesome. She always made you feel great and let you sleep through social studies, but let you go back for lunch. Obviously we know what drawback this job carries...VOMIT.

Singer/Songwriter

I'm not the best voice out there, but I think with a little training, I could have really made money with my singing voice. And I like to make up poems and short little jingles. I could see myself in another life like a John Mayer, as in I'd dress up as a random mascot and fool my fans in the parking lot. I think the one huge drawback would be fame. I've puked in too many garbage cans on State St. and would prefer not to see that in US magazine. Plus, I'm a bit chunky and they'd call out my chub and rumor me to be constantly 3 months pregnant.
Voice Over

I am a pretty good mimic when it comes to sound and I can do a damn good kid's voice so I think I would have been great in commercials or providing voices for cartoon characters. And it wouldn't be that tight throat thing some actors do that drives me up a wall. (Jimmy Neutron, I'm talking to you.) The biggest drawback to this job would be how many takes I would have to go through just to say "corduroy" or "Cellular One".

Namely

2007-10-01T08:54:00.000-04:00

Four Names I Love But Could Never Name My Child:

Paul

Rain

Mariah

Autumn

.

Hypocrite

2007-09-29T09:51:00.000-04:00

Rachel has tagged me for a MEME, so I am trying to continue it every day until I'm done. One of them (Four Websites I Frequently Visit) I'd like to make up myself since I don't really frequent that many websites, and coming up with four websites I visit would be a little tricky. So here is mine:

Four Things I Said/Thought I'd Never Do, But Did Them Anyway

If any of you know me, then you know I am pretty stubborn. And I have done some weird and wild things and stuck to them just for the simple fact that I am that stubborn. I didn't swear for a whole year in high school just because swearing had become the thing to do. If you've read this website before, you realize just how fucking hard that was for me. I didn't go out clubbing until I was well into my twenties because that was what you were supposed to do when you turned 21. Although I love to dance and usually prefer to do that very thing whenever I go out now. But there are four major things that happened in my life that even my stubbornness couldn't control.

I Said I'd Never Drive

I've had a fear of driving almost all my teenage years as well as the first few years of my 20's. I was the typical backseat driver. I'd grip your dashboard and "Oh shit" handle so tight, there would be fingerprints. My heart would race. I'd be twitching and looking around every corner thinking every other car on the road was going to hit me. Don't get me wrong. I was concerned for YOUR safety too. "Watch out for that car!" Hell, sometimes I'd just shut my eyes until the ride was over. Because, I hated driving...Rephrase that, I hated passengering. And if you ever rode with me during those years, you probably still remember, scarred for life. You see, I've been in too many car accidents to count and many of them were before I even got behind the wheel. I seriously vowed never to get a license. But the time came in my job where I had to drive or find another place of employment. Payton needed to go to preschool and it was much too far to walk a 3 year old in 2 feet of snow. So at 21, I had my best friend Jeannette teach me to drive. It was then I had a revelation. I found it was so much better than sitting in the passenger seat without any control. I could slam on the breaks when I wanted. I could go the speed limit, or not. I could look at every intersection before going through. I felt so much safer knowing I could stop the car or speed up whenever I needed. It also helped that Jeannette was so patient and didn't really care what happened to her 10 year old car. I took the test and passed the first time. In all honesty, I believe I am a better driver because of my once apprehensive attitude. So much so that now I'm working on my road rage because I think I drive better than most. Yes, even you.

I Thought I'd Never Wear Pink

As long as I can remember, I've always loved blue...And I've always hated pink. Pink was everything I associated with frilly and girly and ditsy. You were obviously a giggling little moron if you wore pink. You had no athletic ability. You had perfect nails and a perfect blush application. And your knees never met with a tree branch. You needed a man to help you over a puddle or open a car door for you. If you wore pink, you had a boyfriend named Blaine and made your own dresses. Plus, being the only Ames girl, I was forced to wear pink at every holiday and special occasion. And then just earlier last year, I realized how nice a blond haired, fair skinned woman can look in light pink. Slowly, I started adding a bit to my wardrobe. I wouldn't say I wear pink everyday and I do still prefer blue. But I AM now known to rock pink every so often, while climbing a tree of course.

I Said I Would Never Buy A House

My parents moved us around a lot. I think I've lived in close to 20 different households. I just got to liking the carefree feeling of being able to pack up and make a new house a home. I would get antsy after about 2 years. But, when Matt and I started looking with a realtor, I think I was a little freaked out at first. It's not as if you HAVE to stay in a house you purchase, but it certainly is a bit more involved than breaking a lease. Although, it didn't take long to really enjoy the thought of living in one place for years. It always amazed me to go over to some one's house and see their baby footprints in the sidewalk or their growth charts in the closet. And I find I want that for Britain. I can't say I haven't been on Howard Hanna checking out houses online, but I think everyone does that. It's not as if we bought this house and intended on staying here for life. But we do have some home improvement plans next year to make it our own for at least a few more years.

I Thought I'd Never Get Pregnant

I'm sure you all know Britain was a surprise, but no one was surprised more than I was. I have always had problems in the womanly cycle department. I could never gauge when I would need a Tampax let alone when my own ovulation would occur. Even so, I tried to have a baby for over a year in my last relationship and never even got close to conceiving. Finally, I went to the doctor and I was diagnosed with PCOS. Heartbroken, I slowly but surely got used to the fact that fate stepped in when I became a nanny because I probably wouldn't ever have any children of my own. Then, as soon as I met Matt, one of the strangest things that has ever happened to me happened. My body was the most regular it had ever been. You could have possibly even set a calendar by me. Although, I still believed it was just a strange way of my body finally releasing all those underdeveloped eggs and Matt and I weren't always careful for that simple fact. When I read that positive pregnancy test, after tens of negative pregnancy tests before it, I knew my own little miracle had occurred. Now, here she is!

This, among some other important events, is why I will always believe in fate and karma. All of these things that I said I would never do have shaped me to be the woman I am now. And I can't say I've ever been happier with my life than this very moment. It's so nice to finally come into my own.

Proof I DO Have Time To Clean My Kitchen

2007-09-28T12:42:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Rachel, I'm doing this MEME. I don't even know how to pronounce that because I believe it's french, but I know it stems from imitation. Either way, it's something a lot of people do and that's usually not my thing. For example, I changed the spelling of my name four times in school because there were 5 other "Tammy"s in my grade. I went from Tami to Tammi to Tamie until I finally decided on Tame'. That little accent on the e was very important. It was actually one of those ~ over the e. So in high school my friends nicknamed me Tame, as in shy or quiet. It was much like naming the husky kid "Tiny".

On with the imitation of being like everyone else!

Four Jobs I've Had:

I have been at the same job for 11 years and I didn't start working until I was 17, so this was difficult.

Service Learning Volunteer:

Obviously, as a volunteer, I wasn't paid for this but it was still a responsibility. It was a school organization I was apart of where we'd volunteer our time and services. We sang carols at a Hills Department Store for Christmas and other random acts of kindness. But one thing that was constant was every week a group of us would go to a retirement home after school and visit the elderly. We were each paired up with a resident by our advisor. I LOVED my advisor and I think she really thought about it before she paired me off with Marie. Marie was this beautiful, articulate, knowledgeable woman who just happened to be blind. This meant that while all the other volunteers were making Christmas ornaments or playing bingo in the activity room, I got to go back and spend a whole hour, one on one, with Marie. I remember how special I felt when I would come in and she recognized my voice right away. She always seemed so happy to see me. She talked about her upbringing, her husband who had passed, her children and grandchildren. We became close right away. One thing I never got the courage to ask her was how (or when) she lost her sight. Honestly, most of the time I forgot she couldn't see me physically, because almost right off the bat I felt like she could see straight to my soul. The only regret I have is that after the program was over, I only returned once to see her. I promised I would stop in again, but I never did. That was over ten years ago.

Professional Ice Cream Scooper:

This job sucked and thankfully it was short lived. This was my first tax paying job and I dreaded going every day. It was at a Dairy Queen located in a truck stop. I was trained on a register for barely an hour and then I was told I was ready. The chick that trained me took an hour break and I was left to my own misery. I had no fucking clue what I was doing. PLU codes and the like were so foreign to me that I started giving away free food. When she finally got back, the look of disgust was the cherry on top, so to speak. Not only were my coworkers all clique-y and bitchy, but 95% of the customers were sweaty, horny, male truck drivers who studied every inch of me while I made their Blizzard. I am in no way saying all truck drivers are sweaty and/or horny...just the ones that came in for a cone around 10 pm asking me when I "got off". One of the most ridiculous things that happened was I was called on a big fuck up and was screamed at by the manager, alerted to by my co-workers. Only later did I realize that I hadn't even worked on the day in question. Thankfully (and yes, it was so much better than working there) I caught the worst case of poison oak a doctor had ever seen and decided to just not go back in after working there only a few months.

Assistant Group Supervisor at the YMCA:

Yes, this sounds wonderful, but all it really consisted of was mopping the floor, disinfecting toys and filling a quota of children to adults while the Group Supervisor barely acknowledged me except when she was out of coffee. Above all the shit I went through here, the way they treated the children was the worst thing and this is why I left. I will not go into details, but I will never work there again.

Mascot at the Local Fruit Farm:

This was one of the funnest jobs I've ever had! I was hired by Mason Farms for the month of October in '96. I was a tour guide during the week for all the schools who brought their children in to see the displays and I was the big pumpkin on the weekends. Towards the middle of this month, I applied for my current job as a nanny. Looking back, it's so funny how it all fell into place. The tour guides could pick any costume they wanted. I was a bunny. It was actually a Playboy bunny outfit that I whored down. When I wasn't doing tours in the morning, they let me work in the bakery icing cookies or wrapping baked goods. The owners were so generous and genuine. I didn't drive and my mother would pick me up after she was done working at 4:30 pm so they just let me stay after and work (including overtime). Everyone that I worked with was so nice. I had such a great time.

Well, those are my jobs. More to come soon. Brit is currently without pants and watching a DVR'd Dora for the fourth time. I'm feeling a bit guilty. Just a bit.

DISCLAIMER: For all intents and purposes, Brit has no pants on because I'm trying to potty train her and those damn Pull Ups do not work no matter what Proctor & Gamble says. And while Dora IS DVR'd, I was being sarcastic when I said it was the fourth time she has watched it today. In all actuality, Britain bores easily (especially when it comes to TV) and between laundry, my disgusting basement, changing the sheets, going over ABC's and the ongoing saga of trying to teach Britain to spell, this has taken me hours to complete.

Brit, I Am Your Father

2007-09-27T08:18:00.000-04:00

So the truth comes out. Check out the new morph on on my My Space now now. My favorite part is where she has the moustache for a few seconds.

All I Want Is You

2007-08-27T15:24:00.000-04:00

I didn't think it would feel differently after Matt and I "made it legal" but it does. I couldn't be happier with who I married. When we found out we were having Britain, I felt a twinge of resentment. I thought I really screwed up my redo with another white trash aspect of an already white trash filled life. But looking back, why would I want it any other way? Matt and I lived together, bought a house, had a baby, then we married. It wasn't for any other reason but because we couldn't bear to be without each other. And while others choose to marry before pregnancy (Matt's parents), while pregnant (my mom was in her second trimester with me when my parents married), after they have a baby (or babies) or they choose to never marry at all, it just depends on what is right for the two people it matters to most. And planning this wedding, that is what I had to remind myself. Being married to Matt, this is also what I remind myself. "Do what is best for each other." I wouldn't say I've sacrificed. I would only say I've realized what matters most to the both of us. It's a huge decision when you give yourself to someone else. And if it's truly right, it's not a hard one. You don't lose the best parts about you...they're only magnified to even better proportions. The tiny, little insignificant things that used to bother you are pale in comparison to how lucky you feel to finally have someone you love to wake up next to, love cooking dinner for, love writing emails to, love kissing in the kitchen. I'm finally through with feeling like I'm missing out on something.

I finally have what I've been looking for all along.

Response Cards

2007-08-21T16:01:00.000-04:00

The wedding/reception/after party was amazing! It was everything I thought it would be and even more. It was one of the happiest days of my life. There have been more elaborate weddings. There have been more famous weddings. But I look back on it and wouldn't change but a few things and I'm damn proud of the job Matt and I did.

Probably the biggest regret was that we could only invite a select few. It was difficult to "cut" some people I really wanted there. Even though people told me "invite who you want because 1/3 of the guests won't be able to make it", I invited close to the maximum amount of people we were allowed. It was a good thing too because we had a whopping 3 "can't make it"s.

So to those of you who expected an invite, it was about numbers and numbers only. Well, unless I can't stand you. But there is already a gypsy curse on you and not getting invited to my wedding is the least of your worries.

Now Stop Bugging Me!

2007-08-20T09:00:00.000-04:00

You'll have to wait for a real write up of the wedding. For now, this is all I have from my camera. ron will be ready with the pictures soon.

Blinders

2007-08-05T22:21:00.000-04:00

And everything that hurts you
Gets stuffed up inside you
Like butterflies with wings
or other perfect things
Counting Crows

How do I feel? Ive been here before,
Ive felt this
Retreat to a place, a place within me
I need this. keep it all down, bottled inside
It breaks me to torment again and
Torture me like it used to
I try and try to break away from all the hate
Im feeling for everyone of you thats ever
Done me wrong. I need to justify the reasons
For the way Im living. I guess I cant cause
I dont feel like I deserve it
Staind

Its a different point of view to you
You cannot see things that are different to me
And I cant understand why you cannot see
Blink 182

Sitting on an angry chair
Angry walls that steal the air
Stomach hurts and I dont care
Alice In Chains

Limb by limb and tooth by tooth
Tearing up inside of me.
Everyday, everyhour, wish that I was..
Was bullet proof
Radiohead

If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much...
We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this
Alanis Morrissette

My Sugar Sweet Is So Attainable
This Behaviour So Unexplainable
The Days Just Slip And Slide
Like They Always Did
The Trouble Is My Head
Won't Let Me Forget
The Killers

Leaning over you here
cold and catatonic
I catch a brief reflection
of what you could and might have been
It's your right and your ability
... My perfect enemy
A Perfect Circle

This isn't a matter of sides and you aren't crazy. This is a matter of the blind leading the blind. You're allowed to feel bothered and threatend and attacked. I'm not sure how you've kept it up this long, except that you're one of the stongest people I know. And I'm forever changed because you came into my life.

When I Was Just A Little Girl

2007-08-03T23:23:00.000-04:00

We've been going through our pictures for a slideshow we're doing at the wedding. I found some pretty great ones.

This was Payton (now almost 11) when she was just a few months old.

For all of you that think Britain looks anything like me, here are a few pictures of Matt as a baby to prove you wrong.

Switch It Up

2007-08-01T19:07:00.001-04:00

I thought I would leave blogger but instead I just decided to switch up my template a little. And you can finally see my damn pictures. But can anyone help me get the Erie Blogger badge back in?

SHOWERPALOOZA 1 Of 3

2007-07-26T11:16:00.000-04:00

Some B2Bs get a shower from her bridesmaids. Some B2Bs get a shower from her side of the family. Some are even lucky enough to get a shower thrown for them from the groom's side of the family. This B2B got all of the above.

The first shower the girls threw for me and it was a couple's shower, unless you were my cousin Steve or my friends Kim, Jillian and Jeannette. It was in my boss' backyard. This was a plus in many ways. Work is like my second home so I was completely comfortable and even had extra shoes and a sweater (as I do at work). It was also a plus because I didn't have to go home after a Friday at work and get ready and then rush off to some other place for the shower that started at 7. I just started getting ready at work around 4 and there were 5 little chicks to watch Britain while I did. It was a great time with about 45 people that showed up and I can't begin to tell you how many of them brought the most generous presents. More importantly, people cancelled plans, drove many miles and dumped their kids off on semi-satisfactory babysitters just to be at the shower. The food was amazing (filet mignon, goat cheese dip with roasted vegetables, Tositos) and the weather was perfect. It was a great kick off for SHOWERPALOOZA, 2007.

My mom.

Big Daddy.

My sister Theresa and my father.

My best friends from High School: Jeannette, Jillian, Kimberly and Shelly. Missing in action are Mary and Kim.

Em, sipping one back.

My bridesmaids, my flowergirl and I.

All the Chase Men: Father of the Groom, Glynn. Co-Best Men, Brad and Craig and the Groom, Matt.

My MOH, Payton and my bridesmaid, Emily.

My boss, Mary and my other boss Erin (in blue), aka, the girl's mothers.

My brother, JR and his wife, Monica.

BB8 Is Full Of Big Dumb Animals

2007-07-17T08:03:00.000-04:00

If you're watching Big Brother 8, you know of Kail. Kail is apparently RUNNING her entire town because she's a realtor. Umm, K. Not sure how many "sold" trailers it takes to become a millionare, but I think she's about 6 years away. She uses a bunch of horrible, mispronounced phrases like "scotch free" and "in like Flynt".

I'm going to make a list of others and see how many she uses this season, such as:

Buck Naked

Tommy Hilfinger

Jenuis. Just kidding.

When Sorry Doesn't Cut It

2007-07-11T08:24:00.000-04:00

for·Give [fer-Giv] verb, -Gave, -Giv·en, -Giv·inG.

–verb (used with object)
1. to Grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2. to Give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obliGation, etc.).
3. to Grant pardon to (a person).
4. to cease to feel resentment aGainst: to forGive one's enemies.
5. to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forGive the interest owed on a loan. –verb (used without object)
6. to pardon an offense or an offender.

Related forms
for·Giv·a·ble, adjective
for·Giv·er, noun

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hind·sight [hahynd-sayt] –noun

recoGnition of the realities, possibilities, or requirements of a situation, event, decision etc., after its occurrence.

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cow·ard·ly [kou-erd-lee] -adjective

1. lackinG couraGe; contemptibly timid.
2. characteristic of or befittinG a coward; despicably mean, covert, or unprincipled: a cowardly attack on a weak, defenseless man. –adverb
3. like a coward.

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re·Gret [ri-Gret] -verb

–verb (used with object)
1. to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he reGretted it.
2. to think of with a sense of loss: to reGret one's vanished youth.
–noun
3. a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.
4. a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc.
5. reGrets, a polite, usually formal refusal of an invitation: I sent her my reGrets.
6. a note expressinG reGret at one's inability to accept an invitation: I have had four acceptances and one reGret.

If you still read this, it's in the mail, where it should have been a lonG time aGo.